Moving Forward
by kz4valentina
Summary: AU. After ten years of marriage, they're on the brink of divorce. How did it happen? And most importantly, can they fix what went wrong in their relationship and move forward? OLITZ centric all the way! What happens when tragedy strikes? ANGST RIDDEN. Some chapters M rated. CAUTION: Very different from my other stories ***COMPLETE***
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

The idea for this story came to me while trying to write a chapter for my other fics. So I just started typing thinking that writing something was better than nothing. This is the result. For those of you that are reading my other stories, I will be back, I promise!

Also, I realize that there are probably (okay, okay, most likely then) other stories out there with the same plot/theme. It's hard to be completely original when there are so many OLITZ stories out there. Just know that I have NOT read any fics that start out with them already married and on the brink of divorce. The last thing I would want would be to a copycat. So if you know of a similar fic, let me know ;)

* * *

 _Olivia Pope: It's all in the rear view for me. I need to move forward. I am moving forward._  
 _Cyrus: Moving forward...towards what?_

 _Scandal Season 4, episode 16_

Olivia sighed in exasperation; she needed to keep moving forward.

It was 7:55 am, barely enough time for her daughter Jessica to walk to her classroom and be seated at her desk by the time the school bell rang. The school policy was that children must be seated otherwise they would be marked tardy no exceptions allowed such as: waving at the teacher 30 feet away or even stepping foot into the classroom were to be given special consideration.

Rules were rules and they had to be followed to the T.

"I can't fucking believe this!" Olivia fumed as another driver came in out of nowhere and stole her parking spot, the spot she'd been eyeing for the last 5 minutes. A second later she chastised herself for using the "F" word around Jessica. She was always yapping at Fitz whenever he slipped and used that kind of language.

"Mom! Just drop me off at the line!" her daughter urged, leaning forward in the backseat of the Lexus.

The drop off line seemed to be moving fast, kids exiting and vehicles moving forward. But Olivia didn't want to do that. She didn't want to be one of those parents that dropped off and picked up their kids at the line, those parents that had the reputation of 'not caring enough to get involved' in the school community much less their own children's education.

Olivia was the closest thing to parent of the year at Fallbrook Elementary. Among other things, she was an active member of the PTA, room mom, helicopter parent and volunteered in her daughter's classroom twice a week. Oh, yes she did all that, and to top it off, she also volunteered at the school office in her spare time. Not to mention that she was one of the main organizer of school events. Thus, all these activities meant that she seldom went home during school hours.

In other words, Olivia Grant was a pillar of the school community, she couldn't be caught dead dropping off her child like the rest of the parents whose faces were not associated with a particular child by the school staff.

Just at the last possible moment, she found a parking spot at a curb, definitely not a great spot but beggars can't be choosers. In one quick motion, she parked, turned off the engine and went to her daughter to help her with her backpack and the diorama she was carrying to class.

"Hurry up, Jess! We have three minutes to make it to class!" Olivia handled the diorama and keys with her left hand and clasped her daughter's hand with her free hand. With a quick flip, she managed to lock the car by pressing the key chain button while precariously holding on to the diorama.

"Oh, mom," Jessica whined at having to move faster than she would have liked. "I'm gonna be late no matter what…I'm never late, I'm sure Mrs. Dunn will understand this one time," she said while trying to slow down the pace.

"Oh, no, little Missy. No excuses, we're gonna make it!" Olivia exclaimed weaving in and out of the way of parents that were already walking back to their vehicles, her eyes scanning straight ahead focused on the hallway that lead to her daughter's classroom.

"I'm not feeling well, mommy…" Jessica whined managing to slow down their pace even more. "My stomach hurts!"

At this point, the classroom was in their full line of vision which meant that Mrs. Dunn could certainly see them from inside the classroom.

Olivia stopped moving and turned toward her child. "You're just nervous, that's all," Olivia tried her best to sound reassuring, even though deep down she was thinking that they didn't have time for this right now. But this would be Jessica's first time giving an oral presentation and she had to make allowances for that. "It's gonna be okay, we've practiced, you know every line by heart," she squeezed her daughter's hand hoping to give her some confidence and courage.

But Jessica was a gentle spirit, the opposite of her mother's type A personality. She gazed at her mother with sadness and apprehension, and then looked down at her shoes.

Part of Olivia wanted to shake some sense into the girl, this world did not belong to the meek who are often thought of as wimps.

Jessica's skin color turned pale and when she finally met her mother's eyes again she looked as if she was about to throw up.

The school bell rang at that precise moment.

Seeing that she would have to think of something fast she huffed, "Jess, go in the restroom, " Olivia motioned behind her. "I'll tell Mrs. Dunn you're sick."

Relieved, Jessica practically ran into the restroom.

Olivia wasted no time poking her head through the classroom door and telling Mrs. Dunn that her daughter was ill this morning and that she would come to class as soon as she felt better.

Right then, her phone rang with the tune to a rap song. Mortified, Olivia quickly reached into the low pocket of her trench coat to silence the darn thing. Then, she gave the teacher with an apologetic look and scurried out the door.

Later, as she walked back towards the restroom, she checked her phone for the missed call. It had been Fitz. Olivia swallowed hard. In a fraction of a second, she re-lived last night's miserable argument.

The words 'divorce', 'lawyer' and 'separation' had been tossed around amidst heated words that stung to the core, and yet they had both managed to hide their anguish fairly well from each other. ..

Presently, she became so distraught that when she came into the restroom looking for her daughter, she had completely forgotten her intention to scold her for messing with the ringtones on her phone.

She was still lost in her own thoughts when Jessica came out of the bathroom stall, her eyes red and puffy, her backpack still on firmly planted her back.

Olivia set down the diorama on a long table next to the sink. "Jessica? What's going on, are you sick?" Olivia held her daughter's chin and the girl reluctantly met her eyes. "Jessica?" she shook her head. It became obvious that whatever was troubling her daughter was not physical. She knew her daughter all too well, she could recognize any signs of a possible illness at the earliest stages with just her powers of observation with 100% accuracy...every single time.

Jessica knew this as well, she knew there was no way in the world she could ever fool her mom. "Ah...mom...I can't do this...please take me home!" she pleaded with a desperate look in her eyes.

"Well, honey. I can see your nervous. But you're gonna be okay, you hear?" she gave her daughter a pointed look. "Everyone gets nervous the first time they speak in front their classmates, in fact I remember when..."

"Mom, please!" Jessica wailed. "I can't...the girls, they'll make fun of me, they make fun of everything I do!"

Olivia froze, it was as if someone had splashed her face with cold water. "Girls? Which girls?" She asked between clenched teeth. Her heart pounding, she couldn't believe that anyone had dared to bully her child. How could such a thing happen under her very own nose? For heaven's sake, she practically lived at this darn school, _how could she have not known?_

Jessica peered at her mother, her beautiful caramel eyes looking sad and dejected. She had perfectly radiant skin, just like her mother's, except that her skin tone was light olive . By the same token, her hair, two shades lighter than her mother's cascaded along her shoulders in soft waves. In all, Jessica was like a miniature version of Olivia, although you could still see a light resemblance to Fitz especially when it came to gestures and his signature pensive look.

"Which girls, Jessica?"

Jessica swallowed hard. "Hmm...Ginger...and the others."

Olivia rolled her eyes. She still couldn't believe that her precious daughter was being bullied by someone by the name of Ginger, by someone named after an indigenous spice.

Right then, the phone rang again. It was Fitz.

This time Olivia answered the phone on the second ring. "Yes. I'm here at school. Is there something you need?" she spoke leaving long pauses in between sentences, wanting to say more but Jessica was listening. Oh, God, she only hoped that Jessica had not heard any part of their conversation last night. She gave her child a mortified look. "Of course I'm staying here most of the day. This is Tuesday, I volunteer every Tuesday, remember? And Jessica will be presenting her diorama to the class today. Yes, her diorama...we've been working on this for weeks," She rolled her eyes impatiently. Why couldn't he ever take an interest in their 9 year old daughter? Why did she always have to feel like a single parent? she wondered. Usually this line of thinking lead to all the things that reminded her of what was wrong in their marriage.

"I cleared my schedule so I can have lunch with you, " she heard him say in that deep baritone tone of his. She felt a tug in her heart. Deep down, she still loved him and try as she might she couldn't deny it. Maybe this was their chance? Maybe they didn't have to get a divorce?.

Divorce. She had been thinking about it for months, looking at the situation from every angle, thinking of ways to minimize any trauma to their child. And now that she had finally crossed that bridge, she couldn't go back to square one, could she?

She stole a look at their daughter who was watching her, listening intently. She was torn. The last thing she wanted to do was cause her baby any emotional distress.

"Liv? Are you still there?"

Olivia took a deep breath. Part of her felt flattered; in all their 10 years of marriage this was the first time that he'd made her and their marriage a top priority...at least as far as she could remember...

But then that other voice inside rose in protest. "I can't, Fitz, I can't have lunch with you today. I need to be here...Jessica is going to be presenting her diorama, remember? Yes, the thing she and I have been working on day and night for the last week and a half, " she went on, resenting the fact that Fitz had not considered any of this at all. Apparently, he either forgot all about the presentation or he had not considered it important enough to log it in his long term memory. "The diorama was based on a Nancy Drew story, we made a long staircase out of cardboard strips, we made three models, the last one was the best." she added this last part because it was important that he know how painstaking it had been building and re-building the model as many times as necessary so that the steps were perfectly balanced.

"How about later in the day? We could go out to dinner, my mom can stay with Jessie. You gotta give me a chance here..."

As usual, Fitz had failed to show an interest in anything she did involving their child, Olivia thought.

It, was over between them, this time it was for real.

She'd been on the same merry go round many times before...he would promise that he would spend more time with her and Jessie as a family and things never changed. He never had time for them. She had to show him that she was serious, something's gotta give. In fact, she'd already made an appointment with her lawyer later in the afternoon to sign the papers and file for divorce once and for all.

"Gotta go," she said, noting that her daughter was starting to look green around the gills.

"Mom..." Jessica pleaded, "Can we go home, please?" she asked right before a wave of nausea hit her hard.

"Bye, Fitz. Can't do this right now," she murmured, feeling overwhelmed and hung up the phone without waiting for an answer.

Olivia just stood there in shock as Jessica emptied the contents of her stomach in the nearest toilet. She didn't see this coming... how could she have missed the signs?

The girl rinsed her mouth and splashed cold water on her face. After a few minutes, she started looking a little better.

"You're gonna be just fine, Jessie," Olivia reassured her, peering intently into her daughter's eyes, thinking about her own situation with Fitz as well. She had to believe that in the end whatever happened would turn out for the best.

 **A/N:**

Hmm... it sound like their marriage is in dire straights. What could have happened between Olivia and Fitz to get them to this point in their relationship? We might explore this a bit in the form of flashbacks.

Most couples even those in great relationships hit bad patches at one time or another. In this chapter we explored mostly Olivia's POV. Net time, We'll explore Fitz's POV.

This story can go many different ways. Any suggestions or ideas of where you would like this story to go are very much welcomed. In fact, this fic can be just a few chapters or possibly longer depending on the response I get.

Thanks for reading and have a great day,

Review and follow, if you're interested :)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

This fic is going to be very different from other fics. Those of you that have followed my stories will either love or really...dislike this one. It starts with our favorite couple having marital troubles so there will be tension and conflict. It's real life, not always a bed of roses and it takes two to tango. Hmm…yes what else? Oh, yeah, there will be no infidelity here, the reason being that it's just almost impossible to recover from that. Don't want that for Olitz. Also, this story might shock you sometimes.

So now that I have a pretty good idea now where I'm taking this story, I'm back with a second chapter. Thanks to all that have reviewed, favorited and followed; I must say I wasn't expecting any favorites for the first chapter since I wrote it without a real plan. Lastly, this is my first time writing a story like this, so please bear with me.

 _This chapter is mostly Fitz's POV._

* * *

 **XXX**

That night, Fitz got home around 10:30 pm. It had been one of those never ending days. It hadn't started out that way. In fact, early that morning he'd told his secretary to clear his schedule as he was having lunch with his wife and taking her out for a long drive afterwards. His secretary gave him a wink and he winked back. Wait, wait, don't start jumping to conclusions...Mrs. Dawson, his secretary, was old enough to be his mother. Yes, and what's more, she was always telling him he needed to make more time for his family.

Anyhow, He'd thought Olivia would be thrilled.

Instead, she had turned him down.

So he had no choice but to have Mrs. Dawson fill up his schedule again and the rest is history.

On the drive home, he thought about his wife for the first time since this morning. He still couldn't believe that for the first time ever, she'd brought up the D word (divorce) between them.

He hadn't told anyone about this. Not even Cyrus. Especially not Cyrus. He was the best divorce attorney in town AND his father's best friend AND the rest of the Grant clan since the dawn of time.

However, he _was not_ going to tell Cyrus just yet. First, he was going to give Olivia a second chance…cause he was a good guy and besides, she was a good wife and he loved her.

Besides, there was a chance, a pretty good chance, that Olivia had not really meant what she said last night.

With this in mind, he unlocked the front door of his home located in an upper middle class neighborhood. The automatic porch lights came on. Other than that, the house was pitch dark. That was a bit odd. Normally on nights like this when arrived late from work, Olivia would be reading a book in the family room.

He set his briefcase on the coffee table, headed for the kitchen and turned on the lights.

He noticed there were a few school papers scattered on their kitchen island and what appeared to be some kind of cardboard pyramid built in a shoebox. Oh, yeah, this must be the diorama that Olivia had told him about over the phone.

After getting a drink from the fridge and downing it in three gulps, he inspected the diorama closely and realized that it was not a pyramid but a staircase. He thought it was pretty cool and made a mental note to mention it to Jessica tomorrow.

Fitz loved his daughter dearly and it was not true that he took no interest in her life. When he'd first learned of the diorama school project, Fitz had told Olivia that he ought to let Jessica build her project on her own. Furthermore, they'd had a huge disagreement: he accused her of instilling perfectionism in their daughter with her constant oversight and she accused him of not caring enough to get involved.

That was two weeks ago. Ever since then, Fitz had simply put the whole thing out of his mind.

After rinsing his glass in the sink, Fitz tiptoed into the master bedroom. She must be asleep. The lights were out and she was lying on her side of the bed facing the wall opposite to the door. He stood there a minute to see if she would stir. But she didn't.

Then, he undressed in the semi-darkness of the room (the only source of light came from the hallway light) and went into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

Fifteen minutes later, he came out of the bathroom in his birthday suit. Olivia was sitting up in bed (looking rather unhappy). The reading lamp on her night stand cast a low light into the room.

"I thought you were asleep."

The annoyance she often felt with him vanished in light of his naked body glistening with moisture from the shower. She let her gaze rake his tout muscular body a little too long. When she realized her mistake, she looked away and her face adopted a stern look. After all, she was supposed to be mad at him, she told herself.

"I was almost asleep when you came in…and then, I just couldn't."

"Sorry I woke you," he said, pulling out a t-shirt and a pair of dark blue drawstring pants from the dresser by his side of the bed.

"It's almost midnight," she grumbled while he got dressed.

"Well, actually...It's a little after eleven," he corrected her matter of factly. "I stayed late drawing new plans for a couple who can't make up their darn minds ," he went on pulling back the bed covers and getting under. He was about to speak again when Olivia interrupted him.

"Jessica's sick…she's been ill since this morning," she said in a tone that implied that he should have known even though she had NOT actually informed him.

He raised an inquiring brow, "What is it? A virus?"

"Probably. At first I thought she was nervous because of the presentation…but then, she got a fever and I brought her home." She concluded in a standoffish tone. Nothing had turned out right today. She even had to cancel her appointment with her lawyer; they were supposed to go over some final details before filing the divorce papers. She almost felt mentioning this, but her attorney had advised her that it was best she kept her husband in the dark. The last thing they needed was for Fitz to file for divorce first; it was to Olivia's advantage with the court to be viewed as the petitioner rather than the respondent.

Fitz did not respond. He simply got comfortable, rearranging pillows. He normally slept with two pillows fluffed up in a very particular way, hard to replicate. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he realized just how tired he was. It had been a looong day.

Olivia glared at him, how could he act as though this was just another day? "One of us is going to have to sleep on the couch," she stated in an icy cold tone. They were getting divorced for heaven's sake!

Fitz stifled a yawn. He turned facing her, propped on his elbow. "I need to be up early. The Andersons want to go over their remodel plans before they leave town later today. I need a good night's rest. Jessica's sick. You don't need to be anywhere in the morning, do you?"

She shook her head. Was he actually suggesting she take the couch? She didn't sleep well anywhere but in her own comfy bed.

He laid on the pillows, his flexed arm tucked under his head.. "Listen, let's forget all this nonsense and just go to sleep," he smiled faintly. There. His best attempt at a peace offering.

"I can't!" She felt the tension of the last few weeks uncoiled in a flaming rush of words. "Do you seriously think that last night meant nothing, that this is just a game? We can't go on like this anymore. I thought I made this quite clear. After last night, I thought …I thought you would just pack your damn bags and leave!"

He frowned and stared back in astonishment. "So that's it then? So you just tell me you want a divorce and I'm supposed to follow suit…throw away ten years of marriage, throw our marriage vows down the toilet after one lousy conversation?"

It hadn't been just a conversation, it had been a huge argument, she corrected him in her head.

"What about Jessica? Should we just tell her at breakfast that mom and dad had a disagreement and now dad will be moving away, but not to worry, everything is going to be just dandy. There will still be Christmas and birthday presents to look forward to, except that now she would have two homes instead of one.

"I didn't think you cared!" she snorted.

Fitz frown deepened. "Don't you start with that again!"

"It's the truth! You hardly ever take any interest in Jessie, you don't ask her what she's doing in school, you NEVER help her with her homework… And now, all of a sudden, you're concerned about how this divorce might affect her?"

"All you ever do is complain…and never acknowledge all I do for this family!" He sat up in bed and clenched his teeth. There was so much adrenaline going through his veins right now, there was no way he was gonna be able to sleep now. "Do you think I like coming home late at night, catering to whims of clients who demand that I meet them at 7 in the morning with final plans with less than 24 hour notice? I love our daughter, of course I do...I just can't spend as much time with her as you do! "

"I'm not saying you don't love her!' Olivia snapped, grabbing the covers fisting them tightly. "But you don't know what it's like to have Jessie come to me asking why you don't care about her and…"

"I seriously DOUBT she has ever said that!" Fitz jumped out of bed, agitated.

All she ever did was complain about how little time he spent with the family and how little interest he took in Jessica's activities.

The truth was that from the moment Jessica was born, Olivia became this master mother bear, overly invested in their child. Most times he felt like and outsider, looking in. Furthermore, whenever he actively participated in baby care, he would always wound up feeling inadequate in Olivia's eyes. She constantly second guessed his decisions and interfered whenever he failed to follow the baby's schedule to a tee. In fact, there were times when she got angry at him for playing too much with the baby right before her scheduled naps.

Although it was true that he didn't help much with changing diapers and feedings in those early days, he had actually enjoyed playing with Jessica and making her laugh. In fact, in those days he'd given Olivia a long break on a regular basis. Every Sunday afternoon he would gather Jessie in her stroller for a day at the park. He had enjoyed every single outing. In all, he considered himself a pretty good dad.

"I'm sure you were the one to put those ideas in her head!"

He was now standing by the door way, fuming.

"How dare you?" Olivia spat, shooting daggers at him. "How dare you even suggest...I would never say anything negative about you around Jessica!" she spoke each word slowly for emphasis.

He rubbed the nape of his neck trying to ease the ache. "Are you happy now, Olivia?" This was so wrong, this is not how he envisioned things playing out tonight. "I've got a big day tomorrow and now I won't be able to sleep..."

 **"** If that's what you're so worried about, I'll just leave and sleep on the couch!" she announced grabbing her pillow and heading for the door so quickly that Fitz barely had time to scurry out of the way.

He followed her down the hallway down to the dimly lit family room half a pace behind her.

"Don't be silly. I'll be the one to take the couch," he said in a more calm manner, re-considering his previous stance on the issue. Usually he was the one to sleep on the couch whenever they were in an argument.

"Leave me alone," she said throwing her pillow on the couch and then retracing her steps to the hallway to retrieve a blanket from the linen closet . Three second later, she whirled around to find him perched on the couch.

"I'm sleeping here tonight," he reiterated, with a sly grin.

She stood there for the longest time, glaring at him, clutching the folded blanket in her arms. "No, I'm the one sleeping on the couch," she countered, hating to be the one to lose this battle even though in the end she would wind up getting to sleep on the bed like she originally wanted.

"Then, we will both sleep on the couch," he stated still grinning. For a moment or two, he thought she almost smiled back.

"You got my pillow," she pouted, doing her best to hide her amusement.

Fitz reached behind him and graciously handed her the pillow.

Olivia grabbed the pillow with one hand while holding onto the blanket with the other. Good night, Fitz," she said before exiting the room.

Fitz smiled a little to himself. He knew Olivia well enough to know that she wasn't as angry anymore and that he was well on his way to winning her back.

 **AN:**

Fitz and Olivia need to work on some serious issues. But you know, I'll do my best to balance out this fic with flashbacks of happier times.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:

The song _you don't bring me flowers_ is an oldie by Neil Diamond  & Barbra Streisand. A little corny maybe? but the lyrics do go well with this chapter and would also be great for chapter title.

Disclaimer: I did some medical research for this chapter, still, I'm not an expert ;)

 **"You Don't Bring Me Flowers"**  
By Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand

You don't bring me flowers  
You don't sing me love songs  
 _]_  
You hardly talk to me anymore  
When you come through that door at the end of the day...

I remember when you couldn't wait to love me  
Used to hate to leave me  
Now after loving me late at night

When it's good for you, babe  
And you're feeling all right

When you just roll over and turn out the light...  
And you don't bring me flowers anymore

 _They watched the waves from as they crested and then crashed on the sandy beach. It was the perfect place to be, wrapped in his arms—she felt completely loved safe and secure. She loved the way her skin felt in the damp air with the ocean breeze all around her. On a whim, she slid off her dress and tossed it in the sand. It was a daring thing to do. She swam freely in the ocean and then came back to find him waiting for her with open arms._

 _Later they returned to their hotel, walking hand in hand as the sunset colored the sky shades of deep orange and soft lilac. In their room, she took a shaky breath and kissed his neck, tasting the salt that lingered on his skin from their romp in the water. His fingertips ran up and down the length of her body, making her shiver, making her burn with desire. "I have to taste you," he whispered, kissing her stomach and inner thighs with his fingers gently moving down. She sighed, her body ready to receive him. She inhaled sharply and pulled at his hair. The hint of sweet sweat nearly drove him to madness; he inhaled again and closed his eyes._

 _He savored every drop of what she would give him, his tongue expertly tasting her gifts. Her thighs were shaking as she desperately trying to pull him back up to her. She wanted him, all of him inside of her now. She couldn't wait any longer. She convulsed as he possessed her body, he was slow and gentle at first. She bloomed like the petals of a flower and he kissed her hard, pressing deeper and deeper. She never, ever, ever wanted him to stop…._

"Liv, Liv" she heard him call softly at first and then, "Olivia, Olivia, wake up!" in a more urgent tone.

Most reluctantly, she opened her eyes. Her eyes widened, surprised to find Fitz sitting on the edge of her bed, a worried look on his face.

She squinted momentarily confused. Why was he there dressed like he was ready for work when he should have been naked in her bed?

Oh, God how she wanted this man.

It had been two weeks. Two weeks of silent treatment (except when it was absolutely necessary for them to communicate). Two weeks of no sex. This was a first in their relationship. Regardless of their differences, they had never gone more than a week without making love; except of course for those first few weeks after Jessie was born.

That explained why she was particularly horny this morning.

 _Don't be ridiculous, Olivia…it is not just sex that you want, it's him…it's him that you want,_ a voice deep inside reminded her. _All of him._ _He's the only man you have ever really wanted,_ the annoying voice continued.

How pathetic was that? And now here she was thinking about divorce?

 _Well, you know,_ she reasoned to herself, _the sexual part has always been absolutely fantastic._

 _Hmm...yeah._

 _But…sex is not everything, you know,_ the other side of her countered, _the bottom line is that you feel alone in this marriage._

"Jessica has a high fever. I gave her some ibuprofen but she vomited," Fitz informed her.

The reality of Jessica's illness snapped her back to reality, the here and now. Fitz in her bed last night had been nothing but a dream.

She then recalled being up with their child twice last night. She'd been so tired she had overslept.

Fitz stared at her, a little irritated that she was not snapping into action. He had not slept a wink all night, and the worst of all is that he needed to meet with his clients in less than half an hour halfway across the other side of town.

"Olivia! She needs a cold bath to bring her fever down," Fitz said. What was the matter with her? Surely he didn't need to remind her of the proper procedure in this type of situation, did he? Over the years, there had been many instances like this one and they both knew the drill.

At last, Olivia climbed out of bed. "I'll be right there," she said on her way to the bathroom.

 **xxx**

While Olivia was in the bathroom, Fitz went back to check on Jessica.

"Stay here, daddy."

"Honey, mommy is coming. I have to go to work…"

"Don't go yet, daddy. Stay here with me." Jessica reached for his hand. She was feverish, shaking.

With his free hand, Fitz smoothed his daughter's hair. He was caught between a rock and a hard place. Over the years, he had buried himself deeper into his work, secure in the knowledge that his daughter was doing great in Olivia's care. After all, she had the best mother he'd ever known looking after her every need.

He looked at his watch, nervously. It was getting late, he needed to meet the Andersons before they left on their trip to Europe. If he left the house now, he'd barely have time to make it on time. Most likely, he would 10 to 15 minutes late which would be highly unprofessional.

Darn it! What was taking Olivia so long?

At last, Olivia showed up. She was still in her nightgown, but she had brushed her teeth and brushed her hair.

"What's her temperature?"

"104.3" Fitz said, giving Jessica a kiss on her forehead. "You're gonna be okay, sweetheart. I love you. I have to go. But you can call me at work when you feel better." He then turned to Olivia, "Call me _please_ , text me if it goes to voice-mail. Let me know how she's doing."

"You have to go right now?" she asked when she saw him get up and head for the door.

"Sorry. I'm running late for my meeting," he lingered at the door waiting for her to acknowledge what he'd said or at the very least say good-bye to him before he left.

"Oh, my baby, you're burning up," Olivia murmured, cradling her daughter's head. "We need to get you in the bath right away."

Fitz was feeling irritated now at her lack of acknowledgement. "Liv, did you hear what I said about texting me? He needed for her to say something to him before he left.

"NO!" Jessica wailed, the last thing she wanted was a bath.

Olivia focused on helping Jessica out of bed and guiding her to the bathroom down the hall. Fitz followed.

Jessica sat on the toilet lid while Olivia filled the bathtub.

"Liv, I'm leaving now," he reiterated with an expression of regret, standing just outside door frame peering in at his wife and daughter as though he was a spectator in a movie.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, "Okay, I'll call you and text you."

Fitz left feeling guilty. There was a part of him that wished he could stay home with his family for at least a little while, yet he said nothing.

"Mom! My head hurts so much…" Jessica complained while Olivia helped her get undressed. "And these lights are hurting my eyes."

Olivia stared back at her daughter, alarmed. She had a rash clear as day under the bathroom fluorescent lights. When did this rash start? She frantically examined her child's skin. How could she have missed this? She berated herself, thinking the worst.

She debated as to whether to call the doctor first or wait until after the bath. She would have to retrieve her phone from the bedroom. Jessica was still shaking and it appeared as though she was not going to cooperate too well.

"Jess, you need to get in," she coaxed her daughter into the tub. "Your fever is too high, it needs to come down!"

Olivia bit her lip. Now that Jessica was in the bath, she did not dare to leave her alone while she retrieved her phone. Even though she was nine years old, she feared there was a chance that she would try to climb out of the tub in her feverish condition (while Olivia was gone) and get hurt.

Yet every second that passed she became more convinced that something was very wrong and that she needed to get medical attention PRONTO!

It seemed like forever before she had Jessica wrapped up in a giant towel and had her in bed under the covers.

Only then did she retrieve her cell phone from her purse and dialed the emergency hotline of their health insurance provider.

In a few rapid fire sentences, Olivia explained the situation, wondering if she should take Jessica to urgent care or the emergency room. She'd been through the same thing many times before when her child was sick. Yet this time something told her that this was more serious than a simple cold or the flu.

"Ma'am…How does she look to you right now, is she breathing okay?" asked the screening nurse.

"Hmm…yes. She's just very sleepy. I just have her cold bath and she can barely keep her eyes open."

"We'll…ma'am; you can't let her go to sleep. Does she have a stiff neck?"

"I…I don't know."

"You need to ask her, ma'am."

"Sweetheart, how does your neck feel? Does it hurt? Olivia asked Jessica, shaking her shoulder trying to wake her. She kept asking the same question over and over as the girl kept dozing off. "I can't seem to wake her," she told the nurse with rising panic, "What do I do, what do I do?"

"You can't let her sleep, ma'am...ma'am, it's very important that you keep her away. An ambulance will be there shortly. You need to keep her awake, you need to keep her awake…. ma'am, ma'am, are you still there?

Olivia dropped the phone under the bed in her haste to cradle her child. Seeing that nothing was working, she started getting her dressed thinking that she would surely wake up then.

She had just finished dressing her in a short sleeve top and a pair of loose leggings when Jessica started rolling her eyes, her whole body convulsing.

 _Oh, God, NO!_

Somehow, Olivia managed to roll a large washcloth in between her teeth (just like she'd seen on TV) to prevent her from biting her tongue and to snatch the phone from under the bed and explain to the nurse what was happening, all in a matter of just a few seconds.

 **XXX**

Later at the hospital.

Jessica was drifting in and out of sleep, Olivia stood by her bedside holding her hand. Even though her fever had gone down she still would not dare to leave her side.

A woman walked in and extended her hand, "Hello, I'm Dr. Whelan, I'm on the physician on call today."

They shook hands.

"Can I talk to you a minute?" she motioned to a different area of the room half hidden by a curtain.

"Yes, of course." Olivia joined her. She studied the woman in front of her— brown hair and brown eyes, about 5 feet 4 inches, hot body even in her doctor attire. Hmm…yes, she knew this woman from somewhere.

"Olivia? Olivia Pope… Granite Hills, class of 2000?"

"Ah…yes," Olivia half smiled. That was the name of her high school alright and that was the year she graduated. She cocked her head just so and squinted as if to say, _do I know you?_

"I'm Abby Whelan," the woman said with a wide smile. "Unpopular, voted least likely to marry," she went on as it became clear that Olivia did not recognize her. "Long story short… Samantha and her band of cheerleaders taunted me as part of their extra curricular activities," she concluded with a forced smile.

"Oh, …" Olivia looked away, embarrassed. Back in those days, she had been part of the band of cheerleaders. She did a lot of crazy things back then, most of which she didn't want to remember, thank you very much.

She peered at her daughter in her hospital bed. The nurse beside her was monitoring her condition and taking the girl's blood pressure. "Is she going to be okay?" She asked Dr. Whelan, her voice cracking with emotion. "I'll be right there, sweetheart," she said to Jessica who stared back at her from across the room in a lethargic state.

"She's here now. I'm glad you didn't wait," Abby said in a reassuring tone. "We're trying to rule out meningitis. We'll know in the next two hours."

That was exactly what Olivia feared the most. Meningitis. A shiver went down her spine.

Right then, Olivia's phone which she kept in the front pocket of her trench coat beeped with a notification. It was a text message from Fitz wanting to know how Jessica was doing.

"It's my husband," she said thinking that she didn't want to be rude and answer the text while in conversation with her child's doctor.

"Oh, go right ahead and answer," Abby said.

Olivia decided against answering the text right away and put the phone back in her coat. "I'm sorry…about the bullying," Olivia murmured even though she actually did not remember Abby but as it was her daughter's well-being was in this woman's hands.

"No worries," Abby was quick to reply rather sarcastically. "It wasn't that bad. Besides, you were all wrong when y'all voted me least likely to marry. I actually married twice, "she announced with a sardonic smile, "and divorced twice." In truth, Olivia had not actively participated in the taunting. And Abby was fine with letting Olivia believe she'd been part of the problem, just because part of her was enjoying watching Olivia squirm a little.

Olivia didn't know what to say to that.

"My husband and I are getting a divorce," she stated suddenly, surprised at herself for revealing something so personal. She hadn't even filed the papers yet and she was talking about the 'D' word as though was a done deal. Was she trying to make her life sound a little less than perfect... perhaps to make up for the way she'd treated Abby Whelan back in high school?

The nurse that was tending to Jessica asked Abby a question which immediately put an end to their conversation.

Olivia moved to sit in a chair beside Jessica's bed and held her hand.

Abby was back in doctor mode. "Any history of seizures?" she asked Olivia.

"No…never…"

"How about in your family or in your husband's family?"

"Hmm…no…not that I know of," Olivia replied mortified, worried sick about what this all meant **.** She knew that seizures were often a sign of meningitis. It could also be a sign of epilepsy.

She once again retrieved her phone, "Excuse me," she quickly said to Abby before texting Fitz for the first time since early this morning and about five minutes after receiving his last text:

" _Call me back. It's urgent."_

Quinn slipped out of the room.

Olivia waited a few minutes for a reply but none came. She then took her coat off and carelessly set in on Jessica's bedside table. Then, she rummaged through her purse looking for something for her dry mouth, a lozenge, a piece of gum? She found nothing. This time she tossed her phone in the deepest compartment of her purse, almost without thinking.

An hour later, Abby came back to find Olivia sitting in the same chair almost in the same exact position. It was as if she hadn't moved at all while Abby was gone making rounds and visiting other patients.

Olivia perked up as soon as she saw her walk in. "How's she?" She spoke just as a nurse proceeded to take her child's temperature, her throat felt perched and constricted.

The nurse and Abby exchanged a knowing nod.

"She's doing better. Her fever is down," Abby informed her. We're still running tests and we'll keep her overnight for observation," she added in that practiced tone she normally used when talking to parents.

For the first time since early this morning, Olivia breathed a deep sigh of relief.

When Abby spoke again there was a subtle change in her tone; it became more personal. "What about your husband's family history, what did you find out?"

Olivia could almost slap herself. She should have been more specific when texting Fitz. Instead, she'd spent all this time in a daze watching her daughter sleep. "Ah…yes, I will text him now." She found her Prada purse carelessly tossed under her chair and pulled out her phone.

She texted: _Jessie had a seizure. We're in the hospital on Prospect. Call me right away._

"So you're getting a divorce, huh? Abby prompted, her eyes filled with unmasked curiosity.

"We've grown apart, you know how it is. We've married 10 years. He's a workaholic. " she spoke as if she was dictating a text message.

"My two hubbies left me for another woman," Abby stated bitterly. She then grabbed Jessica's medical chart and studied it. For a moment or two, it seemed as if she was considering making a note in her patient's medical records.

Olivia stared back, feeling awkward. There was no way she could top that.

"So…let me get this straight…." Abby gazed at Olivia with a hint of disdain, "you have a nice little family and your husband is a good provider…and you want to divorce him because…because he doesn't _bring you flowers anymore_?

Olivia felt as if she'd been slapped. While it was true that Fitz had been a faithful husband, the problems in their marriage were still real. Besides, this woman didn't have the right to make judgments. She didn't know what it was like to be married to a man who didn't love her, who just wanted her to be his trophy wife for the world to see. If there was one thing she knew for certain was that Fitz had stopped loving her years ago; she couldn't even remember when was the last time he'd told her he loved her.

 **A/N:**

Next time we'll learn more about Olivia's occupation and work history. Also, later on some chapters will be M-rated ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

Dear readers, I'm back with a long chapter. The hardest part to write was the beginning of the chapter, presenting both POV's was a bit tricky. As you read, keep in mind that a lot happens in 10 years of marriage so there's still a lot that we don't know.

In this chapter, we have both Fitz's and Olivia's POV. Next chapter will be mostly Fitz' POV.

* * *

"She'd doing better now…her fever broke…but the doctor say it's meningitis," Fitz heard his wife say with a sniffle.

"What? This can't be. Are you sure? Are they…the doctors, are they sure?" He shook his head in disbelief.

He heard Olivia whisper a low 'yes'.

Fitz 's heart filled with regret. If only he had known that it was something serious when he'd left for work this morning …"I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?

"Okay…" her voice sounded far away, barely audible. His earpiece momentarily malfunctioned so instead of 'okay' he heard 'when'.

"I already told you," he replied, irritated, thinking she was pressing him for a more specific answer. "I'm on my way, I'm driving right now."

"I already called your parents, they're on their way," she said and this time he heard her loud and clear. Except that his brain translated her words to mean: _see,_ _I had to call your parents because you weren't available._

"I called them when you didn't answer my text message…that was an hour ago. Mrs. Dawson couldn't get hold of you either." His brain translated her words into: _You are_ _ **never**_ _there when I need you._

"My cell phone died. I had no idea I left the GPS on and it drained the battery," Fitz replied, his mind racing to justify and explain, "I haven't been to the office at all this morning. After my meeting with the Andersons, I drove straight to meet a new potential client."

 _He_ _ **always**_ _has a really good excuse,_ she thought bitterly.

"I gotta go. The nurse wants to talk to me."

"Wait… You didn't call me right away as soon as you knew there was something wrong." If she had called him right away before his cell phone died she would have gotten hold of him sooner, he reasoned.

He turned onto Prospect Street and shortly after into the hospital's parking lot. From the distance he spotted a car pulling out of a parking spot close to the entrance.

"I was so scared, I didn't even know…" her voice broke. All I knew is that I had stay close to Jessie at all times. One of the paramedics had to remind me to change…I was in my nightgown…and to get my purse and house keys. I don't even remember, somehow I went through the motions. I thought she…something bad was going to happen if I took my eyes off her for one second. And then later she was more stable. .. and the doctor came…that's when I first texted you," he heard her sniff hard into the phone and then sigh. "I gotta go now."

"Liv, I'm here now…see you in five minutes or less," he murmured before he hung up the phone, his voice conveying how sorry he was that she had to go through that. And for a moment there he let himself believe that all was well between them. Truth to be told, he couldn't bear the thought of losing her or his precious daughter.

He parked the car, feeling momentarily lucky to have found a place to park given the parking lot was completely full.

The feeling didn't last long. He felt a heaviness in his heart walking up to the main entrance. His mind flashing back to the day—nine years ago- when he had walked up these same stones steps the very day that Jessica had been born.

 **xxx**

Nine years earlier.

The night before Jessica was born—a Friday in the middle of August, Olivia and Fitz watched _Love Actually_ on their 24 inch TV set snuggling together on their futon couch. The couch was not exactly the best in terms of comfort and their two bedroom apartment felt cramped at times, yet they were happy together.

About half way through the movie, he asked, "ready for your foot rub?"

Olivia beamed and moved to the other end of the couch and put her feet on his lap.

"Oh, yes, right there," Olivia sighed in absolute bliss while Fitz divinely massaged her bare feet. These last few months of her pregnancy had been particularly trying as her ankles and feet swelled especially towards the end of the day.

"This movie is so confusing, too many characters," she commented. She'd been feeling out of sorts all the day sick to her stomach. Her baby bump was large now, large enough to make it uncomfortable especially if she ate a large meal too late in the day.

"I never thought I would say this," Fitz remarked stifling a yawn. "But you ought to give this movie a chance…we're barely a third into the movie."

"You're right. I never thought you would say that…" she replied with a smile. The only reason they were watching this particular movie tonight was because it had been her turn to choose. She'd always enjoyed movies with Hugh Grant so she assumed she would like it.

Towards the end of the movie, Fitz stopped massaging her feet and slouched further into his side of the couch, nodding off.

Olivia reached for the remote control and turned off the television.

"Hon, let's get you in bed," she murmured softly. Fitz had been battling insomnia for the last few months and she thought he could certainly use a good night's sleep for a change.

"Okay…" he mumbled as he made his way into the bedroom with Olivia right behind him.

She felt the first contraction right when Fitz was getting under the covers, barely awake.

She was momentarily stunned but didn't think too much of it.

 _Braxton hicks_. She'd had them before. They could be easily mistaken; they were sort of a preview to the real thing.

According to the alarm clock on Fitz's side of the bed, it was 12:20. Hmm…she didn't realize it was this late. But she was not ready to go to sleep. She turned the alarm clock away from his face so that the bright red light wouldn't bother him as he slept. Then, she turned out the light and went into the kitchen for a glass of juice. She probably should have water instead but she was in need of something sweet.

She hoped that for once Fitz would be able to get a good nights rest. It worried her that in spite of all the Melatonin and sleep aids he had tried, his insomnia had become chronic.

With a glass of juice in hand, she went into the living room and picked up a parenting magazine off the coffee table and started flipping through the pages, hoping she would get her drowsy.

More contractions followed to the point where Olivia started to get concerned. And to top it off, she was still wide awake.

She supposed it wouldn't hurt to call the nurse advisory hotline.

The nurse told her to time her contractions and to call her back when she had timed at least three contractions.

Half an hour later she called back. Her contractions were at irregular intervals: Seven, ten and eight minutes apart. There was no way she'd be able to sleep now.

"I'd just like to know when it's the right time to check in. All I've read so far makes me think that going to the hospital too early can lead to a prolonged labor AND prolonged hospital stay."

"Hmm…is that right?" The nurse replied in a patronizing tone.

"Also, getting admitted too early can lead to a number of medical interventions that could easily be avoided," Olivia replied. She was well versed on this subject, she'd researched and read a good number of books beyond _what to expect when you're expecting._ "I'm going to deliver my baby naturally, no drugs and with minimum medical interventions and only if those interventions are absolutely necessary. "

"Oh, dear, that sounds serious. Hmm…no drugs whatsoever, you say?"

"No drugs," Olivia confirmed while experiencing a particularly strong contraction. She gritted her teeth and pretended that nothing had just happened. "I'm a firm believer in natural childbirth."

The nurse seemed to stifle a chuckle. "I think you will be changing your mind pretty soon, my dear."

Olivia didn't like the patronizing tone. "I have a birth plan. I'm requesting a doula* instead of a doctor. I'm bringing my own music, I'm using relaxation techniques to conquer the pain. The perception of pain during labor depends on how comfortable a woman feels during labor…"

"Well, dear, take it from me. I've been counseling women in labor for years. Giving birth is painful and there's no getting around that... even with an epidural. You gotta be open to all possibilities cause every labor and delivery is different and sometimes there are complications.

Olivia didn't like the nurse's response one bit. She considered simply hanging up. Most likely, she wasn't in labor. This was her 37th week; she still had three more weeks to go.

"Well, I read this book that says that the perception of pain that one of the reasons that women's perceptions to pain during labor depends on the kind of support she experiences from those around her during childbirth. That's why I'm having a doula assisting as they're more likely to provide emotional support…"

"Okay, well. Good luck with that. Honestly, I don't think you'd be thinking like next time around with your second baby."

 _Hmm…how did she know this was my first?_

"I want my baby to be awake and alert when she's born… _not drugged, that is._ "

"Huh huh. Well, my best piece of advice for now is that you try to get as much sleep now while you can."

"Well…you know, I think this was a false alarm, anyway," Olivia said wanting to end this conversation. "Thanks for your help, anyway…so what's you're name again?" she inquired making a mental note to ask for a different nurse next time she called.

After hanging up, Olivia stayed up reading her magazine for another half hour. She finally made it to bed close to 1:30 a.m.

She was happy to see that Fitz was sound asleep. She snuggled up to him in bed, lying on her side which was the most comfortable position for her due to her baby bump.

"Hmm…I love you," she whispered with a smile in her voice. She kissed his cheek, inhaling the scent of his aftershave.

He smiled in his sleep.

Life was good, Olivia thought. She couldn't possibly be any happier. Fitz and she were about to become parents of a beautiful baby girl (yes, they found out the baby's sex in the fifth month of her pregnancy). AND they had just submitted a bid to purchase a two story home -2,500 square feet large enough to accommodate a growing family. They were about to join the ranks of those who had realized the American dream of home-ownership.

They had been home hunting for a while and the economic boom had put them in the position to be pre-approved for a home loan. Olivia was aware that they would have to make certain sacrifices; their mortgage alone would take a significant part of Fitz's income as a self employed pool remodeling contractor. His job was primarily selling pool remodels, meeting with potential clients and on the job supervision of subcontractors and construction workers.

But the deal on the house was too good to pass up; the price was under market, a true bargain. Not only that but they were strong candidates with a 20% down payment in hand. The money came from their savings combined.

Yes, she knew that she would need to continue working after the baby was born and that they needed her paycheck as in order to live comfortably.

 **3:00 am**.

Olivia lay awake. The contractions continued; they were definitely getting stronger now.

Unable to sleep, she decided to get up and go into their spare bedroom, the baby's temporary nursery. She had not invested much money in decor as they would be moving into their new home approximately a month after the baby was born.

It wasn't the greatest idea, she'd been told. Apparently, moving into a new home while your baby was still a newborn was a no-no. Fitz had assured her that he would hire a crew to do most of the packing so she wouldn't have to worry one bit.

The baby's crib sat in a corner of the room already assembled complete with a musical mobile hanging above. There was teddy bear in pink pajamas resting in the crib atop a delicate pastel colored quilt. Olivia ran her fingers on the pretty girlie layette on the dressing table nearby before picking up the bear and holding close to her chest.

The stuffed bear played heartbeat sounds at the touch of a button. The heartbeat sounds were supposed to soothe newborns. The bear had cost her $45, and in her opinion it was worth it one hundred percent.

She rocked on the rocking share for a while with her eyes closed dreaming of what her unborn baby would be like.

I love you so much," she said to her baby bump, "I Can't wait to meet you," she said placing the bear on her belly and turning on the heartbeat sounds. She was pleased when her unborn baby responded with a kick.

For awhile after that she thought that perhaps the contractions had gone away.

At one point, she dozed in the rocking chair.

When she opened her eyes again, after a particularly riveting contraction, it was a little after 5:00 a.m.

Those two hours of sleep had been anything but restful. She'd been stuck between the conscious and the unconscious world; neither sleep nor fully awake.

At once, she started getting her hospital bag ready. She packed two changes of loose clothing for after the delivery and two sets of baby clothing-girlie pink, the baby book she'd purchased so that the baby's footprints could be placed there right after her birth.

She brought the bag to the living room intending to put to set it in a highly visible area so they wouldn't forget and leave it behind.

A sharp pain penetrated her body and she stopped. She held on bracing herself onto the armrest for support and breathed slowly. The pain was gone now.

As quickly as she could, she headed for the bedroom to wake up her husband. There was no doubt now, the baby was coming.

In the bedroom, the alarm clock read: 5:45 a.m.

She sat at his bedside. "Fitz…" she called. "We gotta go to the hospital, the baby's coming."

Fitz opened his eyes and peered at her with alarm. "What? Are you sure?"

"Ye…sss" She replied as she braced herself for another contraction.

Fitz sprang out of bed and helped her get more comfortable on the bed. "When did it start?"

He paced around the room, thinking. "We don't want to get to the hospital too early, right? I bet we still have some time," he said answering his own question. He was feeling rather nervous, and was filing in the blanks of the unknown with his own assumptions.

"We gotta go now," she stated adamantly, lying sideways on the bed, propping herself on one elbow.

He stopped pacing and scratched his head. "Liv, I gotta go to the health club and make a quick inspection before 8:00 am this morning. Remember I told you about it?" he said almost in one breath. He then went on without waiting for a response, "They've had the pool closed for over a week and customers are complaining…It's needs to open today or most likely he'll fire me." Fitz's largest account that represented a huge bulk of his income was working for _24 Hour Fitness._ He had just finished contracting out the pool remodeling in several facilities in town to bring them up to code. For one particular pool, they had to re-do the work twice because the owner –a cheapskate inflexible man- was not happy with the results.

Fitz was hoping that the owner would hire his company for pool maintenance as well (an easy job, he mostly had to make several visits per week to add chlorine to the pool and regulate its PH) which would bring a steady source of income every month. The pool had to pass code and open to the public this morning; otherwise he could be kissing good-bye to their hope of being approved for the home loan. The purchase of their dream home was still up in the air, and with him being self-employed meant that he had to show proof of certain amount of income as verified by bank statements.

Olivia shook her head, not understanding. Surely he was not saying he needed to go to the health club right now… was he?

He started going through his closet and rapidly selecting a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and sliding into a pair of slip on shoes. Then, he went the master bathroom leaving the floor ajar.

Olivia heard the water running and then he emerged a couple of minutes later right when she was experiencing another contraction.

"Fitz…don't leave me!" she wailed.

"Hon, it's gonna be okay" he affirmed sitting on the bed facing her.

Olivia gritted her teeth as she rode the end of the contraction. She didn't know what to say to that… _oh, yes, I'm fine just having a little contraction here, no big deal…_ she thought with a sneer.

"It can't be that bad, can it? You yourself said you didn't want to go to the hospital too early. I should have time to go and come back just in time to take you to the hospital," he nodded ever so slightly, "Okay?"

Olivia stared back at him dumbfounded, still not quite believing that he was actually considering going to work this morning. Somewhere deep inside, she could feel anger rapidly growing like a pot of water that's been left to simmer a little too long.

"I'll be right back. It's the one on Mollison. I should be back in 45 minutes or less, you know we'll be at the hospital all day. I will be with you, I promise, every second of the day. Just let me go real quick and inspect the pool and open it for the public. I will be back faster than you can imagine, you'll see…" he trailed off looking at her expectantly.

"Don't!" she gritted her teeth through yet another contraction. "Don't leave!"

He moved closer, and rubbed her arm in a soothing fashion.

She pulled her arm away from his touch…

He sprung from the bed and quickly headed for the door. He hesitated for a moment and then turned around to face her. "Ill be right back, I promise. The sooner I leave the sooner I'll be back. "

And with that he walked out the bedroom and out of their apartment, leaving Olivia flabbergasted.

Fitz hurried to his car and drove away thinking he was doing the right thing. He couldn't afford to lose this account. He had to do it for them, for his family. He did whatever he had to do to ensure that his wife and child would never have to live in poverty. During most of his childhood he had watched his parents struggle to make ends meet. He wanted better for his family, much better. He didn't want his wife and future children to suffer the same fate.

Half an hour later, the contractions were getting closer together and much, much stronger. She couldn't breathe much less formulate a coherent thought.

The intervals in between contractions were getting so short that she quickly gave up on the idea of driving to the hospital herself, she couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

She couldn't breathe much less formulate a coherent thought. The pain was infinitely worse than she had expected.

And then there was someone ringing her doorbell and pounding on the door. Fitz? No, he has a key.

She tried to stand and answer the door but another contraction knocked her back down onto the mattress. She heard the phone ringing somewhere near, but the pain had knocked holes in her sense of time and space and in her ability to focus.

Hot salty tears streamed down her face as she had never felt so alone and helpless in her entire life.

Before she knew it, she heard voices bursting through the front door.

"Olivia? We're here…"

Olivia blinked through her tears. Even after they came into the room it took her another 10 seconds for her to recognize the two people staring at her as her in-laws, Fitz's parents.

"Olivia, are you all right?" Alice, her mother in law inquired with concern.

"Fitz called us…He's stuck somewhere and asked us to take you to the hospital he says he'll be there as soon as possible, said Martin, her father in law. "We used the key under the doormat. "

Alice moved to help Olivia sit up, "Did your water break?" she asked noting that the bed was wet. "Let's get you changed and then we need to get going quick. Once your water breaks, it means your really close to delivery."

"Oh, God, I can't get up!" Olivia wailed.

"We had no idea. Why did you and Fitz wait this long to let us know we would have been here sooner, we thought we had plenty of time," Alice Grant went on without a pause while her husband just stood there watching them ready to do whatever was needed. "Martin, give me a hand over here, we need to get her in the car. I don't think we have time for her to change. "

"I can't," Olivia cried. She didn't care she was still in her nightgown, she just didn't think she could make it to the car.

"Maybe we should call and ambulance instead," Alice wondered looking at her husband.

"It will be much faster for us to take her, trust me. The hospital on Prospect is only a 15 minute drive..."

"Well, hon, but the paramedics will know what to do..." Alice said rather nervously. "I don't know if we...

"Nonsense! She can't be that close to having this baby," Martin argued back. "You yourself said that since it was her first we'd have plenty of time!"

Somehow, Olivia managed to stand up while her in laws argued and starting walking towards the front door. The Grants then rushed to her side putting and end to their argument and helped her out the door and into their vehicle.

"My bag! I packed my bag, it's in the nursery..." she said to Alice after she was buckled in the backseat of the car. "Can you get it please?

 **Later at the hospital**

Fitz arrived less than an hour after Olivia was admitted. Martin and Alice were in the waiting room and told him that they'd been told that Olivia was eight centimeters dilated.

He looked anxious and out of breath as though he had climbed 20 flights of stairs.

"I'm going in to see her..." Fitz said getting ready to turn to the nurses station behind him.

"Good luck with that," Alice called after him. "I was with her for a little while but then she asked me to leave..."

Fitz turned stopped on his tracks and turned to peer at his mother with curiosity.

"I'm sure she was nervous and hysterical, she always gets like that in times of crisis," Martin said referring to his own wife. "That's why Olivia kicked her out. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, if she kicks you out too, son. When your mother was in labor with you she screamed and ranted that she never wanted to see me again...later, she couldn't even remember she said that."

"Well, I couldn't remember because it never happened my dear," Alice quickly replied with a sneer. "I never said such a thing. Your dad is making it up!"

Fitz shook his head, not quite believing that his parents would just go and on with their so-called 'discussions' even in a day like this when they were about to become grandparents.

Next, Fitz followed a nurse who immediately took him to labor and delivery to see Olivia.

Once in the delivery room, he quickly introduced himself to the other nurses and the doula as the baby's father.

"Give me something for the pain, PLEASE!"

Olivia glared at her husband as he came closer to stand beside her bed. "You...she fumed in between contractions, "What on earth took you so long?"

"No meds, Olivia. You're so close now, you can do it!" the doula replied.

For a moment Fitz froze. This was happening so fast. The doula was in position ready to deliver the baby, telling her it was time to push. She turned to Fitz, The contractions were coming in rapid fire succession. The baby could no longer wait, the doula told him. She turned back to Olivia. "Do you feel it, Olivia, do you feel the urge to bear down?"

"YES, dammit!"

"Okay, PUSH!"

Olivia pushed.

"You got it, you got it, PUSH AGAIN!"

She pushed and pushed. The head came first, then the tiny shoulders and then the rest of the baby and placenta slid out without any complications.

Both Olivia and Fitz smiled with tears in their eyes at the sound of their baby's cry. They locked eyes and kept on smiling. They both couldn't believe that their baby was finally here.

"Do we have a name?" one of the nurses asked.

"Jessica," they both replied in unison.

"The baby book, Fitz can you get it? It's in my bag?" she said as the nurses cleaned and swaddled the baby and were getting ready to place her on a scale. "I want the fingerprints…"

Fitz understood at once, he'd seen the page that his wife had marked for the footprints a couple of times. Once he had joked that this was certainly a brilliant idea…the baby book would constitute proof if they ever suspected that the hospital had mistakenly swapped their baby for another.

"How thoughtful," one of the nurses commented. "We've never had a parent bring in baby book for the delivery.

After taking care of the footprints, the same nurse swaddled the baby again and placed her in Olivia's arms. Another nurse placed two pillows behind her head propping her up higher.

Fitz came behind her and put his arm around his wife.

Her face glowed as she studied her daughter's face. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"She's gorgeous," he agreed, smiling.

They locked eyes again and he lovingly kissed her forehead. "I love you, Livvie, I love you both so much."

She peered deep into his gray-blue eyes. "I love you too…" and then added, "I love you both too," with a tiny chuckle. She was utterly exhausted and her hair was probably a mess, but nothing could possibly surpass this moment of sheer happiness.

Olivia was pleasantly surprised that baby Jessica sought and latched onto her breast completely on her own like a pro.

While baby Jessica nursed, Olivia counted all her fingers and toes. They were so incredibly soft, wrinkly and tiny. She sighed contentedly.

"You have about an hour here then we'll transfer you to a room," the nurse who had taken the fingerprints informed her. "Do you want us to call in the rest of the family?"

"No…later they can come." Fitz replied. They would have the rest of the day to spend with them if they wanted. Right now this moment was special and belonged to their little family of three.

"Livvie," he gazed at his beautiful wife, ready to lavish upon her all his love. "Livvie, please forgive me," he brushed her cheek tenderly. " I shouldn't have left you this morning," he spoke with true sorrow. He could almost kick himself for doing something so stupid. He really thought she would be okay until he got back from the health club. The inspection should have only taken a few minutes. Sadly, he had not factored in other complications which prevented him from getting home sooner.

Her smile faded. Yes, she had felt abandoned when he left just when she needed him the most. She bit her lip, unsure of what she felt.

"Liv, tell me you forgive me," he pressed not able to stand the silence. He peered at her with regret. "There's nothing else I can say except that I acted like complete total jerk."

He seemed so truly remorseful.

"I…I forgive you," she replied lowering her eyes to focus on baby Jessica, wanting very much to move forward and put the whole incident behind them…yet still uncertain as to whether she would ever truly forget.

 **A/N:**

* A doula is a modern day midwife.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

 _KikiNickMc:_ Thank you so much for your awesome support.

Dear readers: This chapter is mostly Fitz' POV. It's rather short but after last chapter, I felt it was very much needed as soon as possible (I'm slow, it takes me several days to type a long chapter). Anyway, in hindsight, it probably would have been better to have made this chapter part of the previous one. It would have been a super long chapter but it would have told the complete narrative.

* * *

Fitz had no idea that his wife's labor would progress so quickly. When he'd left the house to check on the health club pool, he genuinely believed that they had at least 8 hours before their daughter was born. Even in the worst case scenario, if he got delayed for one reason or another, he still thought they had plenty of time to get to the hospital.

Time after time throughout her pregnancy, Olivia had told him about her birth plan, how she wanted to avoid at all costs getting to the hospital too early. She had explained how research studies had shown doctors and natural childbirth were incompatible and cited those books that highlighted that unnecessary medical interventions were often the result of a woman being admitted to the hospital during early labor which can take many hours.

Fitz respected and supported Olivia's wish for a natural childbirth experience (no drugs whatsoever) and her desire to avoid going to the hospital at the first sign of labor. The books that Olivia read claimed that unnecessary medical interventions lead to prolonged labor and vice versa. Upon being admitted to a hospital, a woman was usually confined to a hospital bed which in turn can increase anxiety and eventually lead to prolonged labor. According to some studies, they claimed that labor went along more smoothly (and naturally) when a woman was allowed to walk and move about which went against the protocol of most hospitals.

Some of the necessary interventions that Olivia was seeking to avoid were the use of forceps to extract a baby who is perceived to be stuck in the birth canal, induction, and the use of pain blockers such as epidurals and/or other drugs that can make the baby appear drugged upon birth. According to the research studies, a drugged baby was less likely to want to nurse immediately after birth which interfered with the early mother/child bonding experience.

As it turns out, hindsight is always 20/20. Looking back, he shouldn't have left Olivia when he did. His love and support was what she had needed the most and he had let her down _big time._

Every time he looked at his beautiful wife and daughter, he felt seriously lacking. And even though she had forgiven him, he was having a hard time forgiving himself. For the first few months after Jessica's birth, he spent a great deal of time wondering how he had screwed up so badly. Maybe he should have become more involved and read all those books and learn more about the childbirth process. Maybe he should have done this or that.

For a while, he obsessed over trying to find the reason behind his lapse in judgment.

He never, ever wanted to make that kind of mistake again.

When he was all done beating himself up, he decided to make it up to her by becoming a better person worthy of her love. Eight weeks after Jessica's birth, he announced his plans to go back to school to finish his bachelor's degree in architecture. He only needed about 45 credits to graduate plus an internship of 5,600 hours of training before he could work as an architect. Before his marriage to Olivia, he had decided to quit school and focus on running his own business in pool remodeling convinced that was the way to financial success. He had been working in the pool industry since high school as his source of income, not wanting to accept any form of financial aid while he went to college. At the time he had valued the ideal of being his own boss as a business owner.

But now that he had a family, he realized that he needed a more steady form of income. Although in an ideal world, he would keep both the pool remodeling business AND also work for a construction company drawing the plans for building and remodeling homes.

Olivia was happy to hear of his plans of going back to school.

"Maybe you can complete part of your degree online?" she asked him one night in their living room while nursing baby Jessica. "Oh, c'mon don't give me that look. Online learning is the way of the future."

"Okay, I'll look into it." He gave her a long look. "How about you, what do you see yourself doing 10 years from now? "

She gave him a pensive look. The truth was that she was not sure what to do. She loved her job working as a photographer at _Picture People._ But she hated the idea of going back to work and relying on Fitz's mother for child care. And most of all, she hated the idea of being away from Jessica all day long.

A few days ago, Fitz had suggested she start her own business as a professional photographer instead of continuing to work for the _Picture People,_ even though it was really the opposite of his own career move. But for Olivia, it made sense in that she would have the flexibility of working her own schedule. Another advantage would be that she could make more money per hour when photographing weddings and special events on location.

The expenses would be minimum as she was not renting office space for a studio and she could do most of the work such as photo editing from home.

Olivia loved photography, it was her passion. She had taken about a million pictures of Jessica in every pose imaginable. She had a gift for capturing candid moments, intimate glimpses frozen forever in time and memory through her lens. Her fascination with photography had begun on her eighth birthday party, the day she had captured her grandma learning the Hula-hoop. The snapshot filled her with such joy, she had captured that transcendent moment in time perfectly preserved forevermore. There was something universal in that photograph that anyone across the globe could understand.

She took a deep breath, "I don't know if right now is the right time," she shrugged. Baby Jessica had fallen asleep while nursing. She looked so adorable, so content in her arms, a true angel from heaven. She loved being a mother and did not want to miss any of her important milestones.

But she knew she had to make a decision. Now that they had moved into their five bedroom dream home, they needed her paycheck more than ever as their expenses were much higher.

"I think I'll stay put for now. Although I love the idea of having my own business I really really do, I think I'll end up being away from Jessie even more...at least for the first year while I build a client base." Besides, she told herself, every business owner she knew ended up putting in more hours than they had originally anticipated.

Fitz moved to sit closer to her. "I don't want you to worry about it anymore. If you're not ready right now, that's okay," he added giving her a peck on the lips. He then placed a kiss on their baby's forehead.

 **Five weeks later**

"Fitz, we need to talk, I have something important to discuss with you," she said to him one night after they had put Jessie to bed.

Jessica was now three and half months old. She slept less during the day and had become a little social butterfly, vocalizing and smiling every chance she got. She loved it when Fitz carried her around the house and talked to her and made her laugh. On the nights he stayed up late studying, he would go and get her from her crib so Olivia wouldn't have to get out of bed, gave her bottle and read to her. She would listen attentively in her bouncy seat while he told her all about historical and architectural design.

He had been sitting in the living room with his books. They hardly ever watched TV together now since most nights he was either in class or at home studying. Yes, he'd ditched the idea of online learning and enrolled at their local state university. " what is it?"

Olivia bit her lip and sighed. This was not going to be an easy conversation. "I'm thinking of quitting my job." There. She said it.

He peered at her taken aback. "You what?" He really hadn't seen this coming. "Okay...well, you changed your mind...you're joining the ranks of the self-employed...right?"

For the longest time Olivia said nothing which really got his attention. He had no idea what she was up to. She knew they needed her income, especially now with their hefty mortgage and him going back to school.

"I'm thinking of taking a year off...for Jessie."

She had to be kidding.

"I miss her terribly during the day. I'm her mother and I'm missing out watching her grow and reaching all her milestones." She took a big breath, swallowed the big lump in her throat and continued. "I know this is not what we agreed on when we got married and before Jessie came along. But I had no idea...really, I would feel this way…but ever since I held her in my arms for the first time, I've wanted to be there for her all the time not just evenings and weekends. I had no idea I would feel this way, really," she reiterated. "Motherhood changed me."

He could certainly agree with this last statement. For the last three months he had felt he had for the most part lost his wife. It was as if their relationship had been put 'on hold'. They were no longer a couple, 'just parents'.

"I had no idea," she shook her head. "Considering that I really didn't have a mother." She had been raised by her grandmother until she passed away when she was fourteen. Then she lived in various foster homes. "I feel I need to give her all the love I never got." Her grandma had been good to her but she had been frail and in poor health. Thus, Olivia became a homemaker at an early age, cooking and taking care of her grandma.

"Did you have another argument with my mother?" He countered.

This was not fair, "What? Your mother has nothing to do with my decision, " she snapped back a little too loudly. In truth, his mother had a lot to do with her decision but she didn't want to engage in petty arguments. She knew she would end up saying things she would regret: _yes, your mother is driving me nuts. She insists on raising Jessie her way, not to mention that she feels she has the right to meddle and tell me know to be a better wife and mother._

"Okay, Okay...if it's my mother you don't like, we can look for a college girl who wants to earn some extra money…" Daycare was definitely out of the question; it was cost-prohibitive as it would take more than have the paycheck.

"Fitz...have you heard anything I've said? I want to be the one raising our daughter," she argued. "At least for her first year of life, I've read about how important these early years are in her development. I want to be the one who molds and shapes her personality."

"You know what I think? I think this is not the time to make rash decisions. Let's think it through and maybe we'll come up with a better solution," he said. He didn't want to be at odds with his wife. He would do just about anything to make her happy, even if it meant taking on more work and cutting back on the number of courses required for his college degree so that she could stay home with their baby girl.


	6. Ch 6 Rated M

**A/N:**

It's been a while since I last updated. At the time there was an overload of Olitz-is-getting-divorced stories so I decided to take a break and continue this story at a later time.

About this chapter:

 **This chapter is M rated proceeded with caution :D**

We left off where Olivia tells Fitz she wants to quit her job and stay home with their daughter. We're still flashback mode but I will do my best to bring this story back to present time within a chapter or two.

* * *

Seven months later.

Ten month old Jessica took her first steps a few days ago. Nothing quite compares to the joy of watching your first born walk independently for the first time. Olivia was grateful that she had been able to capture the moment with her video camera which had been within arms reach and fully charged to boot. Given how hectic life can be with a little one under three, it seemed like a small miracle indeed.

It was during moments like this when she really felt fortunate to be able to stay home with her daughter.

The downside was that ever since they had agreed for Olivia to stay home until Jessica's first birthday, Fitz often worked long hours.

Financially, things were looking good, though. Better than ever in fact. 24 fitness which had 3 health clubs in town, continued to contract Fitz and his small business. The crew of three worked on heater repairs, remodels and pool service. Fitz's main job was to drive to all the locations, supervise that the work was being completed in a timely fashion and without cutting corners. He worked from dawn until (sometimes) eight in the evening. He worked some Saturdays as well. Because of this he could only take one 3 unit class at their local state university twice a week from 8:00 until 9:30 pm instead of 2 classes 4 times a week.

Olivia wasn't happy. She rarely saw her husband before 8 pm which meant that they went to bed straight to bed. It was either that or them having dinner at different times. And then there were the nights when he stayed up late studying. On those nights, she usually went to bed with a book and fell asleep well before he came to bed.

Fitz wasn't happy either. Jessica was nearly a year old and it didn't seem as though Olivia was trying very hard to find a job. Heck, she hadn't even started looking at the classifieds or even typing her resume.

"Why don't we go somewhere?" Olivia asked one Sunday morning.

"What do you have in mind?"

"There's this place...It's called _Clown Around_ , it's a children's indoor play center..."

Fitz who had been casually reading one of his textbooks looked up at her. "Isn't Jessica a little young for that?"

"No, Hon. Let me show you," She leaned forward and showed him pictures of the place on her mobile phone. "It has a play structure especially for babies under 12 months old. Perfect for Jessie."

There were several snapshots of the play place with parents lounging around and talking while their babies played with toys alongside other babies. There was a ball pit (multi-color plastic balls too large for babies to swallow) and several baby slides.

"Isn't great?" Olivia gushed. "We can talk while Jessie plays. We can have a coffee and a snack and be nearby in case she needs us."

Sure, the parents looked quite contented in the photos, Fitz agreed. It was Sunday, the day when he usually took their daughter on an outing while Olivia went shopping and/ or had some personal time. If they went to this jungle gym place they would be spending time together as a family. He could totally see why Olivia would think this was the ideal way to spend their Sunday. She loved socializing with other parents as this usually to the best of both worlds, play-dates for Jessie and hanging out with the other moms. Olivia was very social and loved meeting new people.

When they returned home later that day, Olivia was upset. Things had not turned out as she had hoped. Fitz had spent half the time studying and they had not talked as much as she had hoped. Although on the bright side, she had made a new friend at _Clown Around_ with a daughter close to Jessie's age.

However, she felt so alone with each passing day. Even on the days that Fitz was with her, his mind was absent. He was either studying or catching up on things he didn't have time to do during the week.

 **xxx**

Two months later.

The day of Jessica's first birthday.

The birthday celebration took place at home. A small group of friends with young children under two years attended.

Olivia took dozens of pictures of Jessie alternating between her film and digital cameras. She had to take many snapshots in order to be guaranteed at least one good picture. That was her motto.

She took many pictures of just Jessie, some with Fitz, some with the grandparents. She also asked her friends to take pictures of the entire family including the grandparents.

"At one point we're gonna be done with all the picture taking and get on with the party?" Her mother in law Alice said loud enough for everyone to hear.

The other mothers grew silent and stared uncomfortably at Olivia who was in the midst of taking a pictures of all the babies together sitting on the floor with age appropriate toys and engaged in parallel play.

"Something I can help you with Alice?" Olivia gave her a forced smile. "Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves but you."

"The iced tea needs more ice and your ice-maker is not working."

Olivia glared at her mother in law, she was trying hard not to let the woman get a rise out of her. The woman knew the trick to get the ice-maker working and here she was pretending she didn't.

Suddenly, little Jessica became cranky. She didn't want to sit on the floor with the other babies anymore. She got busy on her feet and refused to come when Olivia called her.

And then she threw up all over her clothes, shoes and carpeted floor.

 _Oh, no, my baby is sick today of all days!_

Alice rushed over to Jessica and felt her forehead. "She's burning up!"

Fitz who had been talking to one of the husbands came to see what was the matter.

Olivia picked up Jessie and ran to the nearest bathroom and overheard Alice saying out loud, "she was so busy taking pictures she didn't even notice Jessie was ill."

Olivia was fuming mad. Fitz's mother had embarrassed her in front of everyone. This was the first time that anything like this had ever happened.

While she bathing Jessica and and rinsing off her clothes in the sink, all she could think about was confronting her mother in law who had crossed the line into the unacceptable.

When she came back into the living room, half the parents had left and the other half excused themselves and said a rushed good-bye the minute they saw her come back with Jessie in her arms wearing her footed pj's and holding onto a soft dolly.

Fitz was busy cleaning up the mess on the floor. His mother met Olivia's eyes with a smug look on her face that screamed she knew better.

Fitz's father was somewhere in the background, a happy spectator. The look between his daughter in law and his wife told him something big was coming.

" Are you happy now, did you get it all out of your system? " Olivia said to her mother in law with clenched teeth, "or are there some things you didn't get to say in front of every one?"

"What did I do?" Alice innocently asked, casting her son a look.

Olivia couldn't believe the nerve of the woman! She had certainly implied that she cared too much about her picture taking more than she cared about her daughter's welfare.

"Mom I was right here, I heard you say that Olivia was too busy to notice Jessica was ill." Fitz said in a tone that clearly stated he was very displeased. He finished up cleaning and went to rinse his hands in the kitchen sink.

"I'm going to put Jessie to bed'" Olivia said looking at Alice. "I don't know what or who gave you the right to judge me as not good enough of a mother...I know there are a lot of mothers in law out there in the world who think no woman is good enough for their son...but you really took the cake."

"I'm just trying to help out here dear," Alice cocked her head with her chin up high in a gesture of perceived superiority. "I've lived longer than you, I have more years of experience as a mother than you."

"That doesn't give you the right to judge me," Olivia continued. At this point, Jessica whimpered in Olivia's arms in clear discomfort.

Fitz took his child into his arms and smoothed her hair lovingly.

"I think we should finish this conversation later," Fitz furrowed his brow. He glanced at his wife. "Did you give her something for her fever yet?"

"Yes, Motrin."

Fitz started walking away toward his daughter's bedroom. "I'm taking her to bed."

After Fitz left, Olivia found that Alice's demeanor became even more vicious now that her son was out of earshot. "You need to stop complaining to Fitz so much. My poor son works hard day and night to come home to an unhappy wife who tells him he should be home more often," Alice said all of a sudden casting a glance at her husband for support. Martin merely shrugged noncommittally. "You can't really complain if you decided to quit your job...of course he has no choice but to work more hours..."

By now Olivia was livid still she wasn't about to come across as a hysterical woman, so she spoke loud enough to be heard without yelling and with confidence, "You need to stop butting into our marriage, Alice. I quit my job to stay home with my daughter because I felt she needed me AND because I didn't want your interference, I didn't want you telling me how to raise my child. AND yet, here you are still...butting in..."

Alice took a deep breath, "Let's go, Martin. You and I are not welcomed here anymore." And with that she left abruptly with her husband trailing behind.

After her in- laws left, Olivia came into her daughter's room to find that Jessica was sound asleep in her crib and that Fitz was by her bedside, smoothing her hair and humming the tune he always hummed.

"Fever is down," Fitz said.

"Good," Olivia felt her daughter's forehead and kissed it tenderly.

After a moment, they left the room and strolled into the living room.

"Everybody's gone?"

"Yeah, they left not in the best of terms."

He wasn't surprised in the least. "I guess this thing between you and my mother was a ticking bomb waiting to explode... but you know what, I've supported you, whenever my mother gets out of hand and starts talking behind your back, I come in your defense. I tell her that you're my wife and and that I will never say anything against you...and that she needs to stop criticizing you."

"Then how does she know about me wanting you to be home more?"

Fitz shrugged. Then, he took a deep breath and said, "Okay. I guess I mentioned it to dad a couple of times...but.."

Olivia shook her head and glared at him, "I guess that's all it took, isn't it?" She then stormed into the kitchen and opened the dishwasher, the loud clattering of dishes and silverware giving him a good idea of how upset she felt. "How could you, Fitz, really?"

He came to stand behind her.

"Liv, I know you're mad. I'm sorry," he mumbled his warm breath caressing the nape of her neck. " I shouldn't have mentioned anything to him but I didn't phrase it negatively. We were talking about finances and I said I wish there was a way I could stay home more and how that would make you happy. I didn't say you were complaining...And I will talk to my mother and tell her she can't do what she did tonight... ever again, I promise."

"I already did," she turned to look at him with fire in her eyes. "I told her to stop butting into our lives, meddling...telling me I"m not good enough of a wife and mother."

"Jeez..." he let out a huff of air. "Is it that bad?"

"Yes, it's that bad!"

Fitz's face adopted a pensive look. There had been many arguments between him and Liv during the short time when his mother was watching Jessica during the day while she worked. Their arguments had been quite emotional and always ended with nothing ever getting resolved. He supposed that now Olivia was more settled in her role as a mother and less prone to emotional outbursts and now finally they could have a mature conversation about this.

She turned around completely and pressed her back against the kitchen counter. She studied him for a moment.

"She's ten times worse than Fonda," she cocked her head, her anger dissipating some as she realized there was some humor in this situation.

"What?"

"You know when we were dating...and we watched a trailer of that movie Monster in Law...remember?" That had been in 2005 when the movie first came out. "You said that your mother was like Jane Fonda... only worse..."

He was quiet for a moment searching his mind. "Hmm...yes, I remember...we both laughed." He smirked.

"Well...I laughed cos' I thought you were kidding."

"Well, you see.. I wasn't kidding."

Olivia's breath caught in her throat at his admission. "You mean...all these years later I learn that you were serious...you actually meant your mother was worse...worse than Jane Fonda's character?" she shook her head in disbelief, he had actually warned her.

He shrugged with a boyish smirk.

Surprisingly, she wasn't angry any more. She actually let out a laugh. Well' there was not much she could do about that, was it? She threw her head back a little and laughed again. "And still I married you?"

"But you know what...I'm glad you did... and I would marry you all over again if somehow I got another chance to go back in time." He said gallantly, putting his arms around her. She put her arms around his neck and molded her body to his. "Liv, I am so incredibly lucky to have you as my wife."

At times like this, she forgot all about the problems in their marriage thinking that the important thing was that they loved each other.

Before heading for their bedroom, Fitz checked on Jessica to make sure that her fever was still down. They would have to check again round the clock as was usually the case when you got a sick child in bed.

Sometime during the following weeks, Olivia announced that she had her first job as an self-employed photographer. She was to photograph the wedding of a friend of one of the moms at her _mommy and me_ meet-up.

Both Fitz and Olivia were on cloud nine.

The client was very satisfied with her work and recommended her to a family that was looking to do a family photo shoot in their own home.

Olivia's prior misgivings about joining the ranks of the self-employed disappeared and she became excited with all the prospective work.

That night, they had dinner at Red Lobster and put their child to bed with a clear sense of joyful expectation.

They both stripped off their clothes and climbed into bed.

"Wait baby, I've got something for you," he said and then asked her to lay on her tummy. He dimmed the lights and pulled out a bottle of dry-mist massage oil from the nightstand drawer.

And then, Fitz gave his wife a long body massage from head to toe (and later they had the best sex they'd ever had).

"Ah...yes, just like that," she sighed contentedly as he found that one spot between her neck and her shoulders that released a load of pent-up tension.

He continued massaging her preferring spot until she suddenly swung her legs off the bed and stood. "I'll be right back, Ok?"

And with that she strolled away in her birthday suit.

He laid back down on his pillow watching her. She had the most perfect ass ever.

A little while later, she came back and with the grace of a mischievous playful kitten, setting down two tubs of ice cream ( one strawberry, one vanilla) and a spoon onto the nightstand on his side of the bed.

"Boy, I thought you'd never be back," he smirked sitting up higher against the pillows.

With a wide smile, she climbed onto the bed and straddled him, fully aware of how deeply his eyes had been devouring every part of her naked body from the second she walked back into the room.

"I see you brought some dessert, " he said not referring to the ice cream. _She's so damn gorgeous !_ His lingering gaze fell on her breasts, rounded and sexy, and then quickly traveling down to focus on her core pressing and rubbing against his tout stomach.

"Oh, yes baby, yes" she said in a sultry tone, "except that it's for me not for you," she added with a slight pout, tracing a finger up and down his chest.

He looked at her momentarily confused.

 _What was she up to?_

He had been living with this incredible woman, for two years sharing a bed and still…she had the power to make his heart beat faster to even the smallest touch.

With any of the other women in his life before her, he had enjoyed sex and nothing more. End of story.

But with her, things were different. And he loved every fucking minute of it.

"Ice cream is melting" he said with a charming smile. He was thinking she might have some kind of plan but not sure what it could be. He couldn't wait to find out.

She smiled back and reached for the ice cream and spoon and started eating spoonfuls of it as if it was going out of style.

He couldn't fucking believe it. Here he was with a full blown erection and here she was eating vanilla ice cream.

"Hmm" she hummed softly.

Slowly, she savored spoonful after spoonful, licking her lips and making luscious tiny noises. Noticing how intently he was watching her, studying her, she purposely licked her lips time and time again.

Then, after it seemed as though she'd had the whole container she smiled innocently and said, "Oh, you want some too?"

And then, making a big show of it, she gave him one spoonful...one measly spoonful.

He would have laughed... except that he didn't have a clue what she was up to.

Just then she put the ice cream tub back on the nightstand.

Well that was certainly going to melt and make a mess...but then he quickly put the thought on hold when she leaned in for a kiss.

Their lips met slowly, effortlessly at about the same time. He enjoyed tasting the remnants of the icy treat covering her tongue and the insides of her cheeks. The taste of vanilla and the coldness of the ice cream were so intoxicating that neither one wanted to break the kiss.

 _WOW. That was simply mind blowing amazing,_ he thought.

His ravenous lips then traced the soft fragrant skin of her throat, inundating all senses, as he buried his face in her hair which still carried the sweet fragrance of her vanilla shampoo.

"Would you do something for me?" she murmured, sweetly.

 _Right now? Baby, I would jump in front of a train for you, baby,_ he thought, his nose nuzzled against her skin, breathing in her scent.

"I'm all ears" he mumbled softly, his hands traveling up and down her body.

"Close you eyes. "You won't regret it" she promised, admiring his perfect torso, her lips slightly parted and moist.

She winked at him, her long eye lashes fluttering and reached for the tub of strawberry ice cream next to it.

By now he wanted to flip her onto her back and start devouring her pussy.

"Wait" she mumbled, tracing a finger around his lips. She wanted to savor another spoonful of ice cream before kissing him. He was pleasantly surprised to taste the flavor of strawberry as she gently tugged his lower lip.

She broke the kiss to trace her lips down his jaw, neck and throat .

He felt that she still had some ice cream in her mouth. His anticipation grew ten fold when he understood where she was going with this.

"Close your eyes," she once again insisted with a long wink of her eyes. "I think you will REALLY love the element of surprise," she added in a sultry tone.

Fitz did not doubt for a minute that she was right; yet he was not the kind of guy that could just let go and not know what was going on around him.

Yet, he closed his eyes anyways, as Olivia left a trail of strawberry kisses down his chest…working her way down to those strong abs of his. And she ran her tongue around his belly button. He drew in his breath sharply when she reached his lower abdomen.

Then, she took another big bite of ice cream; this time she intended to go down on him, and she wanted to still have some of the icy treat in her mouth.

He opened his eyes right then, as her mouth wrapped around his hardness, the sensations surpassing the realm of the absolutely incredible.

She looked up to meet his eyes, keeping the ice cream dancing in her mouth as her tongue circled his member for as long as possible before she finally swallowed.

His hands wrapped tightly around her hair, tugging it when her tongue would stroke him exactly how he wanted it.

"More?" she asked with a knowing smile, the answer written all over his face.

She kept going down on him until all the ice cream was gone. He loved every fucking second of her mouth covering his hard cock, along with the coldness of the frozen treat.

She loved the power she had over him at that moment.

"I need to be inside you" he groaned when she took another break. He was thinking he would not last much longer…

At once, he flipped her onto her back; he was all done with restraint. His mouth ravaged hers, demanding more of the sweet taste of her mouth, more of the silkiness of her skin, more of her very essence of her, her very self.

And the kiss went on and on. She answered him back stroke for stroke, kiss for kiss, until they were both breathless gasping for air.

Their mouths explored one another feverishly, hungrily as though there would be no tomorrow.

She sighed as his lips eventually broke away from hers.

"You're amazing"he whispered nibbling on her earlobe, his hot breath making her entire body shudder all the way down to her toes.

Olivia gasped and arched her back as he leaned in to take one of her nipples in his mouth. He tugged it and licked it hard before moving onto the other one. He continued to alternate between both nipples for what seemed like an eternity long time. With each tug on her nipples, she felt an answering need deep inside her core.

"Oh, Fitz" she moaned, her hands buried in his hair.

He fucking loved to hear her say his name like that. But what he loved the most was to hear her cry out his name in ecstasy and he would not be satisfied until she did.

He was a man with a mission.

He was now like a stallion that was finally released from his stable, ready to trot full force into a liberating open field. He explored every part of her upper body, and then slowly inched downwards until he found her warmth waiting for him. His fingers stroked her clit. She whimpered at his touch and her thighs opened more. He continued to do this until her wetness screamed for two of his fingers to find their way inside her.

"How deep?" he asked, looking into her big blue eyes, wanting to see raw desire behind them.

"Really, really deep" she moaned. She bit her lower lip, crazy with anticipation.

Eventually, he worked his fingers as deep as he could go, but first he teased her a bit by having them gently stroke her entrance for what seemed to her like the longest time ever. He saw her eyes roll as she let out one loud unrestrained inner muscles clamped around his finger; it did not take very long for those same muscles to start contracting and quivering uncontrollably. She cried out his name loudly, turning her head wildly from side to side.

Fitz eased himself into her slowly, smoothly, taking his own sweet time. Breathing hard and fast, she stared into his eyes as he held her wrist tightly against the bed. For a little while, he did not thrust, no rush. He loved watching her expression as he slowly sank into her. _God,_ _She is so wet!_ It was at that moment that he felt that connection that transcended time and space that he was so addicted to. No matter how many times he made love to her, this moment was like no other. It was the only time that he was allowed to explore the deepness of her soul.

"Oh, God… feels so good" Olivia mumbled, wrapping her legs around his lower back; now she could feel every inch of him as he sank deeper into her with every thrust. Her hands roamed his back, pulling him even closer, desperately wanting to feel his entire body engulf her. Although she did enjoy other positions, this was the reason that missionary remained her favorite.

"Kiss me" she demanded her breathing jagged.

Their lips clung into a long, long kiss that would send little shivers down to every nerve of her body ten fold. It happened every time…every time they kissed like this while he was inside of her she would find herself wishing it would last forever. This was the moment, the moment that for her highlighted her connection to him; wherein she felt losing herself into him, the awareness of who she was before him lost to the winds.

They moved together as though surfing the high seas. The power of the high waves pushed them forward while speeding through to the peak of excitement. It was the ultimate experience in the here and now, and the longing for time to stand still. Yet, the thrilling aspect remained for they could always look forward to the next one…and they did because no matter how good the last wave was, they would always want to catch another one.

"You're so tight" he growled, relishing in her warmth.

She screamed his name again again, his deep thrusts were divine.

He came and came and came, gasping for breath at the end, as though his body was drained of everything, including air.

Her orgasm felt as though she was riding the crest of a wave that kept breaking time and time again against the shore in a never ending cycle. The quiet pulsating sensations stayed with her the entire time he was inside her, and even lingered a few minutes after he pulled out. It was the most divine feeling she had ever experienced, as if all her life she had waited for this.

Even though he was no longer inside her, their bodies remained tangled as they lay facing each other. Her beautiful breasts were right there, her nipples still taut, and her skin soft and moist.

For a few moments, she buried her face in his shoulder while he traced little circles around her breasts with his fingertips. He held her tight with his other hand running down her lower back, and then resting on her bottom.

"I love you" she whispered in his ear.

Then, while resting her head on her arm, still lying on her side, she stroked his hair and the back of his neck.

"I love you" he whispered back, planting a soft kiss on her lips.

They held each other quietly for a long time, neither one wanting to let go.

"Ready for round two?" She asked after a little while, her hand reaching for his throbbing manliness.

"Not quite yet…but we can start with you," he grinned, knowing that she could never get enough of him.


	7. Chapter 7 Rated M

**A/N**

 **THANK YOU NOTES:** It's been a while, yes, I've been writing this chapter since August. I've revised and revised, considered deleting and starting over, stalled, and moved on to writing other things, etc etc. _DiamondPrencess:_ Thanks for getting me excited about this story again. Without you, it probably would have taken me another 100 years to post this. Thanks to everyone else who reviewed and followed :D

 **STORY NOTES:**

 **1) I JUST CHANGED THE GENRE OF THIS STORY FROM DRAMA TO ANGST. THEREFORE, IF YOU ONLY LIKE FLUFF AND/OR LIGHT READS, PLEASE STOP READING AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT FIC.**

 **2) Just in case you're wondering this fic** **DOES NOT** **contain rape, abuse, abortion, drug use or other controversial themes. That's not what I mean by angst.**

 **3) Finally, this chapter is rated M for language and content although is more like between a T and an M.**

 **Recap**

Chapters 1 through 4 is present time. Daughter Jessica ( 9 years old) is seriously ill and hospitalized while Fitz and Olivia are in the middle of a divorce. Chapters 5 & 6 flashback to when Jessica was born and her first birthday. At the beginning of this chapter, Jessica is 2 years old.

* * *

 **xxx**

 **15 months later.**

Quinn Perkings had a daughter exactly the same age as Jessica. And that was freaking awesome. In a short period of time, Quinn became Olivia's lifesaver. Not only was she her confidante and best of friends, she also became the one person besides Fitz she could trust with Jessica at a moment's notice. Swapping childcare became the norm and it gave both women peace of mind. The girls got along wonderfully and their time together was like a long play date session.

The end result was that Olivia had a great deal of flexibility when it came to scheduling photo sessions on location any day of the week and not just on weekends or whenever Fitz was off from work. Of course, she also made herself available to watch Quinn's daughter whenever she needed childcare.

Perhaps the best of all was that with these childcare arrangements Olivia had no need to rely on her mother- in -law for childcare. It was just as well since their relationship had turned from bad to worse. Thankfully Fitz was on her side on this one and agreed on minimum contact unless his mother changed her ways. As a result, the whole family only got together for holidays, birthdays and special occasions. Although, Olivia was aware that occasionally Fitz took Jessica for a visit to his parents house.

Aside from her strained relationship with Fitz's mother, everything else Olivia's life seemed to be working right. Her work as a freelance photographer proved to be deeply satisfying. For one, It provided her with the freedom to set her own schedule ahead of time plus it provided her with a steady source of income which made her feel as though she was making a positive contribution to the family's finances. Secondly, her freelance work had a great deal of flexibility; she could to work on photo editing at home which at times was the most time consuming of tasks. It all depended on the client; some clients insisted that every blemish, wrinkle or skin imperfection be miraculously vanished; others fixated on every person in the picture having the best of smiles which meant she had to do 'head swapping' to compose a whole new photograph and make it look as if it was the original.

Even though Fitz still worked long hours, Olivia had never been happier. Fitz and she were getting along better now that there were fewer financial pressures and their sexual relationship was deeply satisfying. The only thing she needed for her happiness to be complete was having a second child, perhaps even a third.

"Ever since I stopped the depo shots, I feel like brand new...those awful headaches are definitely a thing of the past." She casually mentioned one evening while working in the kitchen. Fitz stood beside her drying the dishes as she washed them. Jessica was in the living room watching cartoons.

Fitz gave her a dubious look before putting away the last dish. "That's great." He knew little about the depo shot except that it was an effective method of birth control which lasted up to three months at a time. Right now though, he wasn't thinking about that. Rather, he was thinking how attractive his wife looked in her lounge wear, no makeup or additives needed. She had a glow to her, it surrounded her like an aura and all he wanted was to be inside it with her.

Having finished with the dishes, she moved to pull out of the fridge a casserole that had been marinating for the last couple of hours." I've been thinking...now is the perfect time to try for another baby." She said while putting the casserole in the oven as though she was discussing the weather.

His eyes widened, "huh?" He took a step back, his mood shifting. Even though he was still leaning against the counter, the physical distance between them had now widened.

"How about we put Jessie to bed early tonight?" She asked oblivious to his reaction as she was still preoccupied with the baking. She looked at her recipe book again. Yes, she should set the oven to 350 degrees. Now, what else was she forgetting?

Oh, yes. That was it. The timer needed to be set for 45 minutes. Then, after it cooled she would refrigerate it until it was time for dinner.

After setting the timer, she turned to look at Fitz when he'd taken too long to answer, way longer than would be expected in the normal course of a conversation.

" Did I say something wrong?"

He rubbed his hand over his neck, massaging the tight muscles. The tension in his body was palpable.

I don't think it's a good idea for us to have another baby, " he spoke in a resolute manner. But the look of sheer disappointment on her face pulled at his heartstrings and so he added, "at least not right now." Maybe never, he thought to himself. The more time had gone by the more he became convinced that having another child would further drive a wedge between him and his wife.

But we've talked about this...Jessie is nearly 2 and a half. If we wait any longer, the kids will be closer to 4 years apart. And you know how all the experts say that 3 years is the ideal gap...by the way," she gives him a long scrutinizing look, "Did you read that article I left for you the other day?"

The experts? He could give a damn about those so called experts. They didn't have the power to rule over their life. What did they know anyway?

She could see the answer clearly written all over his face. "You didn't even read it, did you?" She said in a tone that should be reserved for something big, he thought, something like: _OMG, you spent our mortgage money on a gambling spree!_

"I don't know how you can think about having another child... right now?" He reiterated in a defensive tone. "My graduation is coming right up in the spring. And with me looking for work and still juggling the pool business. I would love to keep both sources of income, but the reality is that..."

Blah, blah, he went on. Olivia didn't hear the rest.

Financial issues aside, time was NOT on their side.

The only thing Olivia could hear loud and clear was her darn biological clock ticking. Tic tock. Next month she was turning twenty eight and she wanted to be done having babies before she turned thirty ( it had been one of her long term ideal goals since she was fourteen and she took them seriously. Besides, as an only child she had missed on having a sibling and she didn't want the same fate for Jessica.

"We already own all the baby equipment. And we don't even have to worry about childcare since we have Quinn..."

"Okay then, " he started in a sarcastic tone, "So then you won't have to take another year off this time?" He quipped. That year that Liv had taken off work had been a tough one; not so much financially oddly enough. He had hoped that in time he would get his Livvie back. Instead, she'd become even more obsessed with motherhood. The bottom line was that Fitz had felt out of the loop of the growing bond between mother and child.

He knew he'd hurt her with that remark. But he missed his Livvie, the one he married and he wanted her back.

As if on cue, Fitz's cell phone rang just in time to avoid an argument. They locked eyes fiercely. They took on the unspoken challenge: who would be the one to break eye contact first while the phone continued to ring.

 _Don't take it,_ her caramel eyes silently asked.

"Sorry, hon, I have to take this." Fitz was the one to break eye contact. He answered the call at the last possible moment and headed for his home office.

 **xxx**

 **A few weeks later**

Olivia wasn't about to give up so easily on her dream of having another child. She was now abstaining from taking any form of contraception and got herself an ovulation kit that pretty much guaranteed a pregnancy as long as you had sex exactly on the days prescribed.

In addition, she read this book titled: How to choose the sex of your baby. The book claimed that the male sperm was faster but died quicker in the womb (in only 24 hours) and that female sperm was slower but lasted longer (up to 3 whole days). Therefore, the book claimed that if followed to the letter, parents could easily choose the sex of their future children.

Fitz thought that was hilarious. "Haha. So that explains it...No wonder males outnumber females worldwide." He'd had a few drinks with a couple of his buddies after work that night (which he rarely did by the way) so he was in a happy go lucky mood.

They were in bed together. Olivia had the book in question open face down on her lap and Fitz had his laptop open on his lap.

"I guess there's only one way to find out, let's try it out," she closed his laptop and kissed him tenderly. His hand brushed over her scalp and through her hair. Just that light touch made her quiver and he deepened the kiss, kissing her with a drugging sweetness that took her breath away. And then,without breaking the kiss, Fitz somehow managed to set the laptop onto Olivia's nightstand. In the process, they untangled the sheets, their bodies flushed against one another and Olivia's book landed somewhere on the floor.

His mouth became more demanding. That devilishly tongue of his warred against hers for control. Wrapping her hair around his hand and pulled her hair back. His tongue made it way down to her nipple easily accessible in the silk nightie she was wearing.

He wasted no time taking off his t-shirt and boxers. She did the same with her nightgown. She left her panties on hoping he would just shred them to pieces.

He smiled a devilish smile as though he could read her mind.

Olivia's body was instantly on fire and ached in all the places he still hadn't even touched.

His hand slid between legs and his fingers touched her ever so slightly through the silk panties. He might as well have slid his fingers all the way inside as her excitement went to the roof! All day long she'd been thinking about tonight. This was the night, the perfect night. Just thinking about it had soaked her underwear. "No foreplay this time. I need to feel you inside me, now," she demanded.

According to the ovulation kit she took earlier that day , she was ovulating. Just the thought that tonight they _could be_ making a baby sent her libido in high gear.

"Oh, Fitz, " she sighed as he ripped the thin material that covered her nest. He then wedged his hips between her thighs and she opened her legs wider offering everything she had.

"What do you want, baby?"

"I want you to fuck me," she murmured in his ears in a sultry tone.

"How you want me?"

She was getting desperate. She wanted him right now, this was the first time she was SO ready without any foreplay.

'I want you to fuck me...fast and hard..."

Her words were music to his ears. He entered her and she lifted her hips taking him deeper. Fitz stopped and lay very still watching her face beg for him to take her to that mind-blowing place that made her lose her sense of self.

"Ahh baby...yes, yessss!" She moaned over and over.

They had probably the shortest lovemaking session on record, but its intensity had to be high on the Richter Scale.

Olivia couldn't have been more surprised when the next month came upon her and her monthly visitor had yet to arrive. That really threw her off, she had to wait a number of days after her period started before using the ovulation kit.

The next few weeks flew by in a daze. There was no way they could have been so lucky on their first try, could they?

Too good to be true.

Somehow she convinced herself that getting too happy might jinx it, as if that could change things. Either she was present or she wasn't.

Finally, she gathered the courage to use the pregnancy test kit that had been collecting dust in her medicine cabinet.

When she was done peeing in the little stick, she closed her eyes shut. She was afraid too look.

Slowly, she squinted one eye open and then the other.

"Oh, my God, Oh my God!" she shouted, covering her face in her hands (and dropping the stick to the ground).

Oh, no! what if she'd imagined it?

What if she was actually dreaming?

She pinched her own arm hard because that's what you're supposed to do when you finally get the one thing you've been wanting the most. Except that she pinched her arm a little too hard and because of that she bumped her head on the shelf above the toilet.

"OUCH!"

"Liv, are you alright?" Fitz asked through the bathroom door.

Olivia fastened her jeans and rushed to open the door.

"FITZ! It's a plus, it's a plus!" she shouted with glee, still rubbing the back of her head.

Fitz gave her a blank look and step[ed inside.

She went back and retrieved the stick and handed it to him. "You look. Tell me if it's a plus," she urged him, her excitement turning into guarded concern.

"It's a plus," he said realizing as he spoke the words what this all meant. "OH, my God," he murmured with a strong feeling of deja vu. A stick and a plus sign had equaled baby Jessica. He could almost slap himself. He hadn't even thought of that moment in years.

Suddenly Olivia was in tears, tears of joy and tears of...hmm?

Fitz's jaw dropped. This was the last thing he'd been expecting. "How...how did this happen?"

The smile on Olivia's face quickly evaporated. She took a step back and studied him closely. He didn't want this, he didn't want this baby not by a long shot. It was written all over his face.

"Liv..." he shook his head and rubbed his temple repeatedly with his left hand, confused. "I thought that

Olivia plopped down on the toilet seat. She briefly considered lying but then what? She couldn't just pretend this baby had been an accident.

"No. I went off it last month."

He remembered now. "But we talked about waiting."

"Yes, we did talk about that. But we also talked about the ovulation kit and the book I was reading," her eyes suddenly became vibrant, "the ovulation box has been sitting right there for over a month" she turned back and motioned to the shelf behind her.

A heavy silence filled the air.

"I thought you were on the pill, " he reiterated still in a daze. " I thought we were going to wait until after my graduation, after I was settled in my new career..." he trailed off. None of that mattered now, did it?

Olivia didn't know where did he get the idea she was on the pill, she had never said that.

In hindsight, maybe they should have discussed it more, she thought. But after that day he had told her he wanted them to wait to have another child, he assumed she would go on some other form of birth-control while she continued with her plans to expand their family. Likewise, she had also assumed that once she became pregnant, he would grow to love their child regardless of the his protests about the timing not being right.

Assumptions. They had both acted based on their own assumptions.

It took a while before the idea of having another child grew on Fitz. He felt conflicted. Part of him was dreading those lonely first few months with a newborn and round the clock feedings, and his wife would be so completely wrapped up in her motherhood role to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. Although now he supposed it would be different, he couldn't picture Olivia ignoring Jessica.

Yet there was another part of him that became increasingly excited about having another child, especially a boy. Olivia had followed the book's recommendations to a T and they had made love on her most fertile days (according to the ovulation kit) for the male sperm to survive. So even before they had the baby's gender confirmed via ultrasound, he went ahead and dusted off his own antique style train set that his parents had managed to save in their garage all these years and proudly set it up in the nursery on a custom made a wood table. Fitz didn't have many toys while growing up except for the train set that had been given to him one Christmas by his great uncle Jim.

 **xxx**

 **Three months later.**

Fitz finished painting the nursery sky blue. Yes, they were having a boy. The day they found out, Fitz painted the walls of the nursery sky blue. And to top it off, they went and bought all the furniture basics, dresser with built in changing table, crib and matching rocking chair in dark maple wood. The nursery decor was a sharp contrast to Jessica's bedroom-white furniture and light pastels.

And as if they weren't through celebrating, they went out to a fancy restaurant that night just the two of them. They rarely indulged in such extravaganzas. In fact, they didn't normally eat out or went to the movies for entertainment. They were always too busy for any of that.

Olivia couldn't wait to go shopping for baby clothes now that they knew they were having a boy. During dinner, she gushed over a hand painted, hand crafted wooden rocking horse she'd seen at a shop in town which would go so well with the rest of the room decor.

Fitz listened with a smile. Even though normally he would frown on overspending, he found himself thinking how much he would like to surprise her with the rocking horse, beat her to the punch and get it for her before she had a chance.

These past few months had been pure bliss even though paradoxically, Olivia had struggled with the worst of bouts of morning sickness. In response, Fitz doted on her, taking time off work as much as possible. Somehow, he also managed to take care of Jessica and other household needs while she rested in bed. The end result was they had spent loads of quality time just being together as a family.

But now that her morning sickness had subsided, Fitz was looking forward to them going back to their usual routines. Of course, he was still planning on being attentive whenever he was home including making late night trips to the store to satisfy Olivia's cravings. Even now, sitting across from her enjoying a succulent meal, he smiled looking at her abdomen growing big with their child. He dreamed of a boy, strong, sturdy and sound and his heart would swell with pride.

He knew that Olivia felt self conscious with the extra weight she was carrying. Still, he made sure to tell her how beautiful she looked. Further, whenever he would hear people showing surprise to learn she was pregnant, he would make a mental note to remind her of that whenever she started bemoaning at how big she was getting. The truth was there were no need for white lies, his gorgeous wife sported a barely visible baby bump compared to other women in the second trimester.

He reached over across the table, "do you have any idea how much I love you?" he said affectionately, intertwining his fingers wit hers.

"Well, that's sweet of you," she beamed back. "What you think of Evan as a name?"

Fitz took a deep breath and let it out slowly giving himself more time to think. They had discussed names so many times, in the end they had narrowed them down to either: Evan, Xavier or Fitzgerald. Xavier sounded a bit religious and well, Fitzgerald might be too confusing. Fitz's father had also been named Fitzgerald; his full name was Fitzgerald Martin Grant II but he had decided to go by Martin to avoid confusion with his own father.

So, it seemed like Evan was the only other choice. "Okay," he murmured, smiling. He dug into his filet mignon with gusto, cooked medium rare, just how he liked it.

"Okay, that's settled then." Olivia smiled, relieved.

"You're an easy woman to please."

Her expression grew suddenly serious as if she just remembered something painful. "You have to be there, Fitz...for the birth. Won't you? This time, don't let me down," she demanded with a stern look.

Immediately, Fitz felt as if he was being backed into a corner. "I was there...I was there for Jessica's birth."

"No you weren't," she shot back. She wasn't looking into starting an argument; she had expected some kind of reassurance from him. "Okay, fine you were there the last 5 minutes. This time, you need to be there the entire time."

"I will be there!" he replied in a defensive tone. He put his knife and fork down, suddenly losing his appetite. "Are we going to be discussing this for the rest of our lives...how I let you down and all that jazz?" "Are you done eating?" he inquired without waiting for a reply. She hadn't touched her plate in the last ten minutes. "Check, please," he asked the waiter after Olivia had mumbled a quiet, "yes."

 **xxx**

 **Two months later. At the hospital.**

Just like the first time, Olivia started having the first contractions in the middle of the night. Except that this time she was three months early.

At once, she woke him up, alarmed.

"It can't be, it's too early."

Fitz jolted out of bed, got dressed, and called the OB GYN. And then called his parents. His mom would stay with Jessie while his dad accompanied them to the hospital.

"Dr Flynn says they will give you something to delay labor..."

Olivia didn't pause to think. All she could do was pray in her head.

Together they went in to Jessica's room and kiss to kiss her good-bye. She looked so beautiful, a sleeping angel. They stayed there quietly for a little while, watching Jessica in her sleep, waiting for Fitz's parents to arrive.

"It will be okay," Fitz mumbled trying his best to sound reassuring. In his head he was thinking that even in the worst case scenario and the doctors couldn't stop labor, their baby would be okay. Nowadays even the tiniest preemies survived.

Olivia nodded and continued to pray all the prayers and psalms she'd learned from her grandmother when she was a young child.

Fitz sat beside Olivia on Jessica's twin sized bed while she went through another contraction...he held her hand, rubbed her shoulders with his head bowed. Yet he avoided meeting her eyes longer than a second or two lest she discover that he was just as scared as she was.

At last, the door rang.

"FITZ!" Olivia screeched through a piercing contraction as they walked back down the hallway to the door "IF YOU LEAVE ME THIS TIME EVEN FOR JUST A SECOND, I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU UNDERSTAND?" she warned him with a fierce look.

"Liv, I promise you..." he said in the most soothing yet resolute voice he could muster while they headed out the door. "A freight train would have to kill me first before I leave your side."

"Okay," she mumbled as Fitz helped her get into their Ford Explorer which was a little too high for comfort.

"My purse?" She realized right then that unlike last time, she didn't have a bag packed with necessities and a baby book for the footprints like she'd done with Jessica. This can't be happening, it's not time yet...

His parents arrived in their vehicle right then. Martin Grant climbed in the back of the Ford Explorer and Alice Grant went inside the house after a quick greeting to stay with Jessica.

Once at the hospital (the same one on Prospect where Jessica was born), The doctors gave Olivia medication to delay labor and a medication to speed up lung development in the unborn child. It worked for a few hours. Olivia was able to relax some. Thinking that they were out of the woods, Fitz sent his father home.

But then heard alarm bells in his head shortly afterwards when all the medical personnel started getting overtly nervous and the baby monitor started beeping.

"The baby is in distress..." someone in a lab coat announced.

Fitz and Olivia exchanged a long look of worry.

"What's going on?" Fitz asked as loud as he could.

The female doctor on duty quickly told him they were going to need to do an emergency Cesarean. Before he knew it, there was a nurse with a clipboard and a place for him to sign.

"Is she gonna be okay? Doctor, is everything gonna be okay?" Fitz pressed, anguish in his voice.

"FITZ!" Olivia cried, terrified. "DON'T LEAVE ME!" she cried again as she felt her bed being suddenly wheeled elsewhere.

He clasped her hand, "I"m here, sweet baby, I"m here!"

Suddenly they were all moving fast, barely time to think when the doctor on call told him he needed to stay behind. This was an emergency C-section and he needed to wait outside.

"NO! NO! I PROMISED HER I WOULDN'T LEAVE HER SIDE, GODDAMMIT!" he struggled to push himself in but two nurses and a male doctor held him back.

"Sorry, sir, you gotta wait. We'll call you as soon as possible."

Fitz pounded his fist against the nearest wall and cursed. Martin who had actually waited in the waiting across from Olivia's room grabbed him by the shoulders and tried to calm him down.

"Please son, calm down! Olivia can't see you like this!"

Fitz freed himself from his father's grasp and turned away. He started pacing up and down the hallway, his anger and frustration growing exponentially. He had to keep moving, that was the only way. He turned to the windows at the end of the hallway. It was raining heavily outside and the sky was dark and gray. Somehow, the grayness seemed the hospital hallway in spite of the fluorescent lights. "Please God, I can't lose her, I can't lose our baby," he prayed, muttering the words over and over again.

 **XXX**

 **Later that day**

When Fitz was finally allowed in to see his wife, he finds her in an agitated state. She's just screamed at the nurses and demanded to see her baby. He couldn't be dead, there is no way in the world. NO WAY! The nurses paged the doctor and murmured something to themselves about giving her a tranquilizer.

"I want you out of here," she said to Fitz. Her voice was thick with crying.

Somehow, his legs carried him over to her bedside Whaat? Livvie, sweetheart," He shook his head, bewildered. This couldn't be happening. This must be some dream, a nightmare. It was as if someone had gotten hold of his heart, snatched it off his chest and ripped it to pieces.

"You never wanted him to begin with," she spat trying to hold back a new onslaught of tears. She pressed her hand to her mouth to choke them back but they erupted with the force of a volcano. She cried helplessly, her hands pressed to her burning face.

Fitz flinched as if he had been physically struck with a hot iron. Even though he had not really wanted a baby all that much in the beginning, he loved Evan as much as he loved Jessica. He could understand she was in pain but so was he. How could she say such a terrible thing to him?

 **xxx**

 **Olivia & Jessica**

Olivia was sitting up in bed fingering a wallet sized picture of Evan. It was the only snapshot of him she would ever have. Spread out on the bed were other print sizes of the same photograph. The picture bundle had arrived a few days ago in the mail. But she hadn't had the courage to open it, she had stuffed the 10x13 envelope in her nightstand until now.

"Mommy, mommy where are you?" She heard little Jessie calling from the hallway. They were back. Alice had taken Jessica on an outing and they were back already. "Mommy," Jessie ran to her, embracing her.

"What is it sweetheart?" Olivia stroked her daughter's hair. She was vaguely aware of her mother in law standing in the doorway.

"I can get supper started before I go," Alice offered.

"Thank you," Olivia managed to say. She was not in the mood for conversations. Although she was glad that her mother in law had seemed to shelf her normal self and had become a godsend in the last few of weeks.

Alice quickly left the room and Jessie climbed on the other side of the bed facing her mother.

"Is baby Evan up in heaven?"

Olivia stifled a sob at the question. It was so unexpected. "Yes, sweetie."

"When can I see him?"

Olivia's eyes filled with tears, "I don't know. One day..." she trailed off. She was now certain there was no heaven but she couldn't say that to her daughter.

 **xxx**

 **Fitz & Jessica**

Jessica came running down the stairs when Fitz came home from work. It's been a whole month since death. Shortly after that, Jessica's had turned 3 years old.

This year they didn't celebrate so it came and went like any ordinary day.

"Daddy where are you?" Jessica asked in faint toddler-ease. Now that she was 3, her speech had gained so much clarity, Fitz realized in amazement. With everything going on in the last few weeks...

"I'm right here, sweetheart," Fitz called from the kitchen.

Jessica ran into the kitchen and into her daddy's arms and nearly knocking him off balance since he wasn't expecting her to come to him so quickly. "Hey, sweetie, where's mommy?" He asked cradling her head as she hugged his legs.

"In bed," Jessica replied. "She don't wanna play with me. " She looked up at him expectantly. "You wanna play hide n' sick?

Fitz grinned a little at his daughter's mispronunciation. She had said hide n' sick instead of hide n' seek.

"Ok, "Let me get some water first. " He went to the fridge and put a glass of water under the water dispenser. Some water spilled as he'd over filled his glass. But that's how it was nowadays. Most routine tasks he performed on autopilot and didn't frequently realize his mind had been else where until something snapped him out of such state.

The bottom line was that Life went on.

The world still kept on turning as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

But his son was gone and there was nothing ordinary about that. He was gone and there wasn't a darn thing he could do about it.

He clenched the glass in his hand and downed his water in practically one long gulp.

"C'mon, daddy!" Jessica called impatiently. "I hide first," she announced as she dashed out the door.

Fitz took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He had to go through the motions and pretend that everything was alright for his daughter's sake.

With conscientious effort, Fitz played a couple of rounds of hide and seek wherein he pretended that he didn't know where his little Jessie was. Every single time, she giggled in delight every time daddy 'found' her. He plastered on a happy smile and played the role of happy daddy almost to perfection.

"Is baby Evan happy up in heaven?" Jessica asked all of a sudden as they sat together in a corner of their spacious kitchen where there was a children's sized play table. The play table was brightly colored and had two small chairs.

Tears welled in his eyes as he recalled the many times they had discussed the concept of sharing with Jessie, telling her that pretty soon her little brother or sister would be playing with her. Two chairs, two kids.

 _I don't know, the truth is that I don't know if he's happy. I don't even know if there is such a thing as heaven And I'm fucking angry about this!_ he nearly cried out loud. For a moment there he experienced great anguish thinking that his precious child, his only surviving child had heard the nasty voice in his head.

"Yes, sweetie. I think he's happy," he said instead. "Let's go see mommy," he quickly rose, turning away so that she wouldn't see his tears.

 **XXX**

 **Six months later... at the park**

How do you get over the death of a child? How are you supposed to move forward when your heart has been shattered to pieces?

There is no answer to that question because you never do.

How do you go on with your life after that?

That was a different question altogether.

It took a couple of months for Olivia to be able to visit with Quinn and her family. It just hurt too much to see Quinn's new baby get bigger every day, a vivid reminder of what she had lost.

But once she started seeing Quinn again, she became Olivia's lifesaver, in more ways than one.

"Liv, you two can't go on like this...living together but leading separate lives," Quinn said to Olivia one day on a trip to the park. "He's hurting terribly and so are you." She shook her head with worry and concern.

Olivia looked over at her friend with a look of hopelessness, acutely aware that while she pushed a single stroller down a narrow rocky path; her friend was pushing a double stroller side by side with wider wheels that could better handle any rough terrain along the way.

"You know what I think," Quinn continued rather indignantly, "I say you fire that counselor you're seeing and get yourself a different one! If he's not helping you, you shouldn't waste your time and... "

"Why should I do that him?" Olivia shrugged with a pained look on her face. "Cause I'm not getting on with my life like everyone seems to think I should be doing by now? Because I can't do my work any more? " Olivia suddenly wailed her voice breaking. She stopped in the middle of the path. She'd boxed up all her photography equipment. She couldn't bear to get behind the camera and take photographs of happy families. She even stopped taking pictures of Jessica. How could she ever get behind the camera again?

Quinn put an arm around her shoulders, "It's gonna be okay," she said not knowing what else too.

"Is it really? Are you also gonna tell me to try again for another baby as if that will take the pain away just like everyone else has been doing? Evan was real, Quinn. I carried him for 6 and a half months and then he was gone. I saw his little face, I even have a picture to prove that he did exist!" She cried.

Olivia burst into more tears and Quinn held her in a soothing embrace for the longest time without saying another word.

 **A/N**

 **My poor babies, I feel for them. Next chapter: how they cope with this tragedy and then back to present time. Feedback appreciated, this is my** _ **first and only**_ **angst ridden fic.**


	8. Chapter 8 Rated M

**A/N:** I'm back, encouraged by your reviews and especially by the growing number of follows. Last chapter was hard to write, it was tough to read and I felt this chapter was needed ASAP.

Thanks to all, especially to **_SeptemberMom_** (my beta reader) can't thank you enough  & **_BeautifulSoul_** for allowing me to run some ideas by you.

To every _thing there is_ a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven,

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

 **Recap**

Chapters 1 through 4: present time. Daughter Jessica ( 9 years old) is seriously ill and hospitalized while Fitz and Olivia are in the middle of a divorce. Chapters 5 & 6 flashback to when Jessica was born and her first birthday. At the end of Chapter 7, Jessica is 3 and a half years old.

* * *

The room was dark except for a sliver of light coming in through the the window closest to their bed.

Olivia looked into Fitz's eyes and felt one with him. They were moving together in perfect sync, a rhythm they had perfected in their nearly five years of marriage.

Ah, yeees, yeeees!

Fitz grasped her buttocks, enamored with that total look of ecstasy on her face. She loved being on top, he loved that he could go really deep as deep as he could go. Then, as she started to ride him faster, he moved from underneath and flip her on her back.

Hmmm...she licked her lip and devoured him with her eyes. She loved it when he took control when she least expected.

With hooded eyes, he secured her wrists with one hand, "is this what you wanted, sweet baby?"

"Oh, yeees, yeees..." she panted, now more turned on than ever .

"Say my name, baby, " he held her wrists tighter.

She gasped. She was feeling her own build up reaching the highest peak and it was hard to speak, "fuck me, Fitz," she mumbled elongating his name until she heard him groan and felt her own walls explode into a million pieces.

Sex with this man was simply spectacular. Every. Single. Time.

In the afterglow of their lovemaking, he relished looking into her eyes while he was still buried deep inside of her. Her walls were down and their powerful connection was still going strong. This was the only time when he still had his Livvie, the woman he married.

Even though for all practical purposes, they were leading parallel lives, she was still his Livvie when they made love. Thankfully, no words were needed as their bodies gravitated toward one another under the covers when the lights were out and it was time to sleep.

It was a routine they both sought earnestly. Even if they were cross with each other during the day, they both knew that no matter what happened, they would to toss and turn in bed until they wound up throwing away all pretense and in each other's minds.

Problem was that they were still very much grieving their son's death. But neither one would openly admit to it.

Fitz found it easier to bury himself in his work. Now that he'd graduated and got his degree in architectural engineering and got a job in a remodeling and construction company as an architect (he needed more experience under his belt to work in architectural engineering), he had every excuse to work extra long hours managing a full time job and his pool business. Even though, he'd hired someone to take his place and do the pool inspections, he still liked to interface with his customers when selling a new remodeling job. Not only that, but he also had to make sure that everything was running smoothly once the remodeling was underway by frequent visits to the job site which he undertook after during lunch hour and after 4:30 pm and on Saturdays.

He knew Olivia was unhappy with his work schedule. She had to be, especially now that she was home all the time watching Jessica and her little friend...what was her name? Hmm...Maggie?

He wondered when Olivia would be going back to work. While he understood her aversion to getting behind the camera, he really hoped she would get over it soon. She would start healing much faster by keeping herself busy. Not to mention the extra income... although that was the least of his worries. Their income had nearly doubled in the last few months and they were actually closer now to the next tax bracket.

* * *

 **'** Liv...he said to her one night when she reached for him under the covers one night. "We need to talk..." He whispered.

She stilled and met his gaze. Even in the semi-darkness of the room he could see the apprehension in her face. She was about to change the dance they'd been dancing since Evan's death. The thought alone was terrifying.

" I went to see a pastor at Sonrise church...he invited us to come to his 10:30 tomorrow morning"

Olivia was stuned. It was as if her husband had suddenly grown thorns on his head. The statement was so out of the blue. "You went...you went to church?" She asked rather stupidly. They had never been particularly religious. They went to church twice a year; for Christmas and Easter Sunday and that was it.

"Yes, I went in for counseling. Stephen recommended that I go in and see his pastor. At first, I didn't want to go...you know me. " he shrugged. "But then, he would joke around and then one day he made a bet..."

Olivia stared back at his silhouette. Yes, of course she knew him... On second thought, maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought. He'd mentioned Stephen his new co-worker in passing. She knew that he was married and that he and Fitz were working together on an important project. So apparently this guy Stephen was a church goer. Hmm.

"And since he his little boy is Jessica's age..."

"Wh-what?" Olivia nearly shouted. Somehow, she missed whatever he had said after the word 'bet'. But her ears perked up at those last few words. In Olivia's mind, the world was divided between those who have children and those who don't.' The people in the first group were relatable and perhaps could enter their circle of friends. The people in the second group were clueless about life no matter how old they happened to be. She gave herself a mental slap. Fitz had never mentioned here was no way she would have missed such an important detail. "You never said he and his wife had kids!"

"I thought I mentioned it. Well, anyway, they could attend Sunday school together...apparently their Sunday school teacher teaches kindergarten during the week and is teaching the kids at church pre-reading skills." He paused for effect. Even in the semi-darkness of the room, Fitz could tell his wife was not particularly impressed by his last statement.

"Whoa..." Olivia reached her bedside lamp and turned it on. It took them both a few seconds to adjust to the light. "Let's back track here. I have yet to meet Stephen and his wife...and now we're suddenly attending church together on Sunday..and then what? A counseling session with a pastor?"

"I thought you'd be thrilled...you're always talking about wanting to make new friends..."

"Yeah...but I..." she stammered. She felt this was too short of a notice plus she was not liking having any kind of spiritual counseling sessions with a pastor. "I...I promised Quinn I would go shopping with her in the morning," she lied.

Fitz straightened his pillow so that now his back was against the headboard. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay, then. I can take Jessica to church with me while you and Quinn go shopping."

Olivia shook her head and sat up straighter in bed turning her body toward him so that now they were both facing each other at eye level. "I don't understand, Fitz. Why are you know seeking a counsel from a pastor?"

He considered her question before answering. He didn't want her to get defensive and her body language told him that she was just a step from becoming defensive.

"I feel it helps...talking about Evan." There he'd said it. His son's name, his precious boy's name. He hadn't said his name out loud in months even though he'd thought about him every day, even though not a day went by without him feeling the pain from losing him. But in the last six months, he and Olivia had somehow managed to live their lives day by day in silence. Sometimes, they were forced to talk about Evan when Jessica would ask a question about him. But they never looked at each other in those situations, afraid that if they did they would fall apart at the seams. And they always scurried away without acknowledging to each other how much they were hurting.

It was as if someone had drilled a black hole in his heart.

Finally, the elephant in the room was finally being acknowledged.

"I think it will help us both to start going to church together..."

She sat up straighter and turned her body toward him so that they were facing each other. "I don't think it's a good idea." Her body language a notch from becoming defensive."

He rolled his eyes in mild exasperation, "What, Liv? Going to church? Counseling?"

She rolled her eyes to mimic his expression. "None of it, Fitz...none of it. " she bit her lip and looked away. "You don't need counseling, I don't need counseling...and we don't need to go to church every Sunday."

He shook his head in undeniable disagreement. "You're wrong, Liv. We're not living anymore," he grimaced in growing frustration, "We're merely surviving. We're not talking, we're living in different planets. " he paused to make sure she was listening. She glared at him and he became certain that she was hating every bit of this conversation. "I can't even remember was the last time we even went out together as a family..."

"Hmm...maybe if you didn't spend every single Saturday out working, we could entertain or even get together with Quinn and Huck." she quickly retorted. She then grabbed a pillow and held it tight against her chest.

Her words were like a low punch to the gut. "Now, that's not fair, Liv. I work long hours because I have to not because I want to," he spat, his body language completely on the defensive. "And we don't usually do anything on Sunday cos' you wanna stay home or make some other plans..."

"You know what, Fitz? I don't wanna have this...this conversation," she suddenly slid off the bed and sprinted to her feet and once again clutched the pillow to her chest. "I'm not sleepy anymore, so I'm just gonna watch some TV. Good night," she said before stalking off to the living room.

Fitz rolled his eyes this time in full blown exasperation. He considered going after her but then decided against it. He reached over to her side of the bed and turned off the light. He tossed and turned, couldn't get his pillows positioned just right. Maybe if he was lucky he would be able to get some rest tonight.

 **XXX**

The next day, Sunday.

Olivia was up bright and early, got dressed for the day and started fixing breakfast when the house was still quiet **.** On Sundays he and Olivia had an unspoken agreement. Whoever was up first would be the one fixing breakfast.

Jessica came to the kitchen in her _Dora the Explorer_ night gown and immediately went to sit at the child sized craft table in a corner in the kitchen.

"Good morning, baby girl." Olivia greeted her affectionately.

"Mommy, can I watch TV?"

"Say good morning, pumpkin."

"Good mo'ning...can I watch TV now?"

Facing the stove, Olivia turned down the heat. There. The eggs were almost done. "No, baby. You're having breakfast and then daddy is taking you church. "

"Huh? 3 year old Jessica stared at her mother as though she had just said something in Chinese.

Olivia took the skillet off the stove and served the scrambled eggs on a platter. Then, she made toast lightly buttered. Lastly, she pulled a batch of blueberry muffins of the toaster oven.

" Good morning, " Fitz walked in his Sunday best, freshly showered.

Olivia mumbled a greeting. Casting him a sidelong glance while still serving food, she asked, "Muffins and eggs?"

"Hmm, yes, it smells good," he moved to Olivia's side, wordlessly getting ready to help with serving breakfast.

In no time the three of them were sitting at the kitchen table enjoying their meal.

"I wanna watch Dora today, " Jessica stated in a whiny voice."

"Jessica, finish your eggs, " Olivia commanded. The girl had barely touched her food. She ate like a bird. She hated having to nag her but what choice did she have? Left to her own devices, Olivia was sure Jessica would become seriously malnourished.

"Later when we come back from church. You'll love it. You'll get to play with other kids, listen to stories, color pictures..." Fitz said to his young daughter.

"Really?"Jessica smiled brightly and looked to her mother to see if she shared her father's enthusiasm. Seeing the look on her mother's face reminded her to eat so she took another bite of her food. "Daddy, why eggs yellow? I wanna pink egg."

"You mean you want to dye your eggs pink?" He grinned. "We got to wait for Easter for that...and it's only the outside shell that we can dye a different color. And it's only for decoration. Before we eat boiled eggs we gotta peel the shell off. We only eat the inside of an egg, we throw away the shell."

"Why?"

Fitz's expression was that of infinite patience. "Egg shells are yucky," he grinned giving her a playful wink. "Eat up, little munchkin. You still got a bit of eggs left...hmm...and look at that piece of blueberry muffin there," he gestured at her plate while taking a bite out of his own muffin and vocalizing his enjoyment.

Jessica took a couple of bites in a state of utter enchantment. Not for the first time, Olivia found herself wishing that Fitz were around more often at mealtimes during the week. Ah, if only...

Olivia turned to Fitz when he quietly spoke her name.

"Come with us, Liv. You're the one who's always wanting to meet new people," he said with a quiet smile.

Olivia hesitated for a moment. Part of her wanted to say yes. But there was another part of her that was determined not to set foot inside a church. It just brought on painful memories that she'd rather not revisit."I can't...I promised Quinn." And with that she finished her last bite and got up to take her plate to the sink.

 **XXX**

Later that day...

Quinn came back from the dressing room empty handed to meet Olivia who was looking through the clearance racks.

Olivia gave her a quizzical look.

 **"** None of them fit," Quinn said in a defeated tone. Ever since the birth of her second child she had been carrying an extra 20 pounds. She had been dreading this moment when she would be forced to buy clothing two sizes up and had wanted Olivia for moral support. "I should look at the bright side, right? We have all day to ourselves, no husbands, no kids."

Olivia smiled a little at that while holding up 3 more outfits for Quinn's approval.

They spent another hour and a half shopping and then headed to the food court.

"He's not answering his cell..."

"Why don't we stop by the church and surprise him?"

By the time Quinn and Olivia arrive at Sonrise, second service had let out and there were only a few people left inside rehearsing a Christmas play in the main sanctuary. They took a seat in the back and watched. Jessica was on stage having fun along with other kids of various ages. They were dancing to the tune of the Little toy soldiers.

"Hey, " Fitz came to sit by his wife's side. "Nice to see you here."

Olivia mumbled a quiet, "hi."

"Look at your little girl, she's so happy," Quinn commented. "she's a natural. You should enroll her in drama classes when she's older."

"She wanted to participate in the rehearsal. Her Sunday school teacher will let her participate in the final performance even though she's coming in late...if she comes to the rehearsals once a week," He spoke matter of factly searching Olivia's eyes.

Olivia gave him a quick glance. She didn't want to miss one moment of her little girl on stage. Then, without a second thought, she took her cell phone and snapped a couple of pictures. Her cell phone was only 5 megapixels so the picture quality would be poor by her perfectionistic standards, but it was certainly better than nothing, she reasoned. Besides, she could always edit it and enhance it at home if she really wanted to.

She turned to Fitz who'd been watching her intently. One glance was all she needed to realize they were both thinking. This was the first time Olivia had touched a camera of any kind since Evan's passing.

 **XXX**

Late Sunday evening

Later that night, after Jessica was in bed, Fitz and Olivia sat down to watch a movie. They hadn't watched TV together in long time. In no time, Olivia found herself stretching out on the couch next to Fitz.

"C'mon, give me your feet, " he gestured for her to stretch her feet across his lap. She didn't need much convincing, his hands were magical.

They exchanged a smile while Fitz massaged her feet and continued to enjoy the movie.

"My grandma..." Olivia said suddenly as the closing credits started rolling in, "she... she made me go to church every Sunday. And I hated it. I never wanted to go back to church, any church."

Fitz stared back at his wife in total astonishment. In all the years they'd been married this was the first time she had ever said anything like that. He nodded slightly, willing her to continue.

"I was 12 years old when grandma started going to a different church. I didn't like the kids there. The girls were snobs and the boys jackasses. I kept begging her for us to stop going or at least let me stay home. She refused. She made me go every Sunday for 3 years. If I refused to go, she would punish me with extra chores or take away my boombox or my phone or something. " she shook her head, the memories were still painful to her. "I vowed to never do that to Jessie."

"Well, that's not obviously the case here. Jessie loves Sunday school," he commented in a lighter note.

"Fitz..."

"Liv... why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Would it have made any difference?"

Fitz made a gesture of disbelief. "Of course it would have. We don't have to go to that church. We can check out other ones. Get a feel for the people there...if we don't like it, we visit another church...or not go to church at all...if you feel that strongly about it. I just want to the best for us...and Jessie. But you and I Liv, we come first. Our marriage comes first. If you're not happy, I'm not happy."

Olivia bit her lip. Yes, she knew. She had known all along that for him their marriage came first. "But what about Jessie? If our marriage comes first...what is she, second place?"

"Don't say it like that..."

"Like what?"

"Like you're judging."

"I'm not judging..."

Fitz gave her a look that clearly said, _"yeah, right._ But his expression was lighthearted. They were quiet for a few moments. He reached for her hand. She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Liv...you and I need to come first in the sense that if we put our relationship last...the whole family will suffer. If we're unhappy in our marriage how can be effectively parent Jessie?"

He just simply seemed to be one of those rare human beings endowed with emotional intelligence, Olivia decided. He was quiet observant and even though he loved talking to people, he was also a great thinker. He had taken several philosophy elective courses back in college. And in the past, they'd had many interesting conversations about everything from John Locke's tabula rasa and it's application to psychology and education to socio- political philosophies of collective and individualist societies.

"Jessie's happy when we're happy. If we don't get along and split up...who is the one that suffers or will suffer the most?"

Olivia stared at him with unabashed admiration. This was one of the things that attracted her to him from the beginning, things that she loved about him and only him. His imaginative mind that liked to think outside the box. The way he drew conclusions about life and his common sense. Life with him was far from boring, far from it.

So now she had to admit to herself that she'd really missed this side of their relationship and was happy that contrary to what she had claimed before, she really loved their extensive conversations about any subject.

She smiled a smile that reminded him so much of when they were dating, a smile that never failed to take his breath away. She was one exotic beauty. Her black her was styled straight, fell in cascades right above her breasts. Her white v neck dress revealed a little cleavage. Everything about this woman called to his most primal side. Her big dark eyes were filled with erotic promises and those lips...those lips made him think of all sorts of dirty, wicked things.

While he was happily fantasizing away, she was guiding his hand to the bedroom and locking the door behind them.

They both disrobed in record time. She moved to turn the bedside lamp to a low setting ( that would allow them plenty of light without glare) instead of turning it off. Then, she climbed in bed among the rumpled sheets and watched the evidence of what she did to his strong naked body standing before her. Unashamed of his enlarged member standing tall and proud, she rode her gaze up his gorgeous body. The muscles in his chest beckoned for her to touch. She forgot to breathe. Her heart was beating so hard now she felt it could burst She held all the power in the room, knowing the response her body could get out of his.

He sighed as in climbed in bed with her, stretching his limbs in pleasure, the sound causing her a thrill of anticipation. He pulled her close, his breath hot and urgent in her ear. He gathered her sleek hair in one hand to gently kiss the back of her long neck. She quivered and eagerly searched his lips.

And when she brought tongue and teeth into play, exploring and caressing every fold of his ear, the resulting groan did not disappoint her.

Now she moved to take his face in her hands, running the fingers lightly over his elegant features. It had been months since they had last made love with the lights on, they were no longer running from each other and hiding their pain and suffering in the shadows of the night.

Familiarity had failed to sate her with his elegant features. She traced his jaw and running fingers over the sensuous lips, then up past the arch of the brows and on into his hair, noting every detail as if she was trying to snap his picture through the lens of her camera to preserve for eternity. He was gorgeous and he was all hers. With hooded eyes locked on his ocean orbs, she ran her hands over his chest feeling the shape of hard muscle and carved bone beneath her palm...so beautiful. She won't ever get enough of him, not in a million years.

Looking down at her with hungry eyes, he studied her like she was a masterpiece and he was trying to capture her essence on canvas. He lowered his mouth to brush hers and his hands moved to caress her gorgeous body. His mouth captured hers, adamant, demanding, gently pulling and softly biting her lips and delving deep with his tongue. Soon he moved lower, fingertips daring at the entrance of her tunnel until she was helpless and trembling.

"Fitz, please...I want you inside, "she begged, "now!"

"Not yet," he groaned his eyes heavy with desire.

He drove his fingertips into her, and she was deliciously warm. Her walls closed around him at last feeling the edge of her release. And just as she was ready to reach the highest pinnacle, his cock entered her and she enveloped him in her heat while crying out his name. Passion spiraled upward and they began to move faster and faster, panting and gasping. He clasped her close not wanting to miss the look in her eyes when she came.

And they came together at once, clinging to waves of ecstasy, locking eyes and riding the storm.

"Liv...love you" he growled, gazing into her eyes...and then pulling her into a soul searing kiss.

They lay together for a while in a soft haze of pleasure, all tension between them had fled. In its place there was only joy and fulfillment between them.

* * *

Early the next morning, she woke up in the warmth of his body; his arm around her shoulder and her legs tangled in his. They were naked under the covers, completely and totally meshed.

The smell of his skin, the weight of his arm around her. The heat from his body mingling with hers. Oh, Lord. Unable to contain herself, she arched against his body, craving to connect with him.

She traced his face with her fingertip. He looked particularly peaceful and boyish when he slept.

Fitz moved, slowly waking, responding to her body by sliding his hand to the small of her back and pulling her closer.

Opening his eyes, he smiled when he saw her watching him. "Hmm... hi."

"Hi," she mumbled, her fingertips continued caressing his face. "Love you."

It was Monday morning. The start of another busy week. He would be going back to his workaholic ways. But right then and there she decided that from this day forward she would try her very best to support him and understand him. She was fated to this man and they had this most incredible connection. She could look for lifetimes and never find anyone who fit her so well...not ever.

"Fitz...I' m sorry. I should have never said that..." She swallowed hard.

Fitz cocked his head, tucked his arm underneath to raise his head higher, giving her his full attention.

" At the hospital...I should have never said that...that you didn't want Evan. "

Fitz slightly nodded and his eyes conveyed love and understanding. "It was a horrible day...and you were in so much pain..."

She nodded back, sitting up in bed, body turned toward him. "still...I shouldn't have said it. " I' m sorry...it was a terrible thing to say. "

Fitz felt a lump in his throat and tears welled up in his eyes. " I loved him so much, and now he's gone..."

Olivia pushed back the tears, " I know, baby, I know...can you forgive me?"

He sat up and took her into his arms.

She buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing.

" Shh...it' s gonna be okay, Livvie. I love you so much, baby. Of course I forgive you."

" I wanna go to church with you next Sunday, " she blurted out, surprising him.

" Liv. We don't have to if you don't want to. " We can take Jessie to the park or to that new inflatable jumper place across from the mall..." he offered sincerely.

Olivia though about it for a moment. She pulled away from their embrace and searched his gaze. " No...let' s go to church...it will be good for us right now."

 **XXX**

Fitz and Olivia went to the same church a few more times. Jessica got to participate in the Christmas musical in the March of the toy soldiers. It was a great experience for her. And shortly after that, they started church hopping trying to find the right group of people to socialize with. They met people from all walks in life and enjoyed themselves. They also took a grief counseling class at the same church Stephen had recommended where they became part of a small support group which had other parents with similar stories to their own.

At first, Olivia was hesitant to attend thinking the class might be too depressing. But Fitz reasoned they could always quit later if that was the case and they would lose nothing by trying it out.

Time and time again they heard the pastor who was moderating the class say to grieving parents that even though we may have a tendency to feel singled out when a tragedy strikes, that is not really the case. No one is exempt from grief. Regardless of how we live our lives, grief happens to everyone and life is not fair at times.

The pastor spoke with conviction, "Even though the grief of losing a child may seem senseless and incomprehensible, our Lord has a plan for our lives and that one day His plan will become clear to us when the time comes. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us, we are to trust the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding..."

Olivia had trouble with this particular verse.

"Why ? Why did God allow this to happen to me…to us?" Olivia blurted out one day when they were sitting together at the dining room table doing their homework with the bible opened to that particular verse.

At once Fitz knew she was talking about Evan. He froze, gripping the pen in his hand. Once or twice he had asked himself the same question. Every day there are tragic tales of suffering, pain and evil happening to good people in every country on earth. There are devastating floods, fires, hurricanes, earthquakes and tornados. People get cancer and other terminal illnesses. People are robbed, hit by drunk drivers, tortured, abused and murdered…and so on.

Olivia's question had no easy answer and could easily lead to a path of bitterness and resentfulness.

"I don't know, baby. All I know is that God is in control. One day, maybe we will understand…right now it doesn't makes sense, It's like we're only looking at a few pieces of a puzzle. "He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. But one day, maybe…. when the puzzle is complete… "

Olivia rose from the table and moved to the closest window. There were two hummingbirds happily fluttering about in the garden. The neighbors across the street were having a barbecue. There was the sound of laughter of kids riding their bikes and of the TV in the other room playing an episode of Dora the explorer. Life goes on.

She moved to the china cabinet against the wall where there were a few collectibles on display and a photograph of their family—Fitz, Jessica and herself. She opened the first drawer. Her hands shook as she pulled out the 5x7 silver frame that held Evan's photograph. She had kept the frame hidden in the drawer and looked at it every once in a while. It just hurt too much to have it on display with their other family pictures.

All her life since the day she took that picture of her grandma dancing to the hula-hoop, taking photographs of people had been her passion **.** There were subtle differences in every single frame of a photo shoot; usually only one from the bunch captured the essence of a person. As a photographer, she was trained to look for candid moments for a better chance of capturing a person's personality.

She took a deep breath, holding the frame to her chest. She would never have one of those candid moments with her son. All she had of Evan was this one portrait of him looking directly at the camera, his face scrunched up , eyes startled . Her hands trembled; her tears fell on the cold glass. No matter how hard she tried, she could not see his essence –raw emotion or the spontaneous twinkle of the eye... Perhaps because she never got a chance to know him?

"If there's a God out there, Fitz…why did he want to punish us?" She wondered fighting back the tears, holding the frame at an angle .

Fitz moved to put his arms around her, burying his face in her hair and she leaned back into his arms. In this position they could both gaze at their baby's portrait.

"What am I supposed to do with his picture? Keep it forever in drawer…or paste it in a picture album?"

The pain in her voice was too much. Fitz swallowed the misery that had formed in his throat. This was the second time he'd looked at his son's photograph. Seeing his face brought back raw memories of that day; he opened his mouth to speak but no sounds came out. At the hospital he'd let the nurses take Evan's little body rather than put his Livvie through the pain of a funeral. He later regretted such decision now because they now don't know where he was buried and today he would want a grave marker on his grave with his picture.

Olivia put down the frame back in the drawer and slipped away from him, away from the heat emanating from his body, away from her dreams.

He found her moments later in their master bedroom curled up in bed in a fetal position holding a pillow to her chest. He picked up a tissue box from the dresser and offered her one and then crawled up in bed with her.

She took a tissue from the box and held it to her face, tears flowing, her heart aching for the child she would never get to hold. Fitz pulled her back flush against his chest, wrapping his loving arms around her belly and stroking her hair while she cried.

She cried and cried, amazed that she had that many tears inside that needed to be released.

Seeing her cry like that made him start crying too; he cried for her pain wishing he could make it go away. And then there was their shared pain of the last six months losing their son and leading separate lives when they were both hurting the most.

"Sh…sh, Livvie," he whispered as she shifted to bury her face in his chest. He brushed her hair with his fingers and placed tender kisses along her forehead. "It's gonna be okay." A larger lump had now formed in his throat filled heavy with regret. "We should have had a funeral…can you forgive me, Livvie?

She didn't answer at first just continued crying silent tears. "It's okay, "she managed to answer in between sobs.

They stayed in that spooning position for a few minutes. He rocked her like a baby until the waves of emotion slowly subsided, her sobs became more spaced out.

"I love you so much, sweet baby," he mumbled cupping her face and kissing away her tears. He kissed each eyelid and her forehead. He kissed her lips and she kissed him back.

He pulled back a little an watched her eyes. Her walls were gone, and so were his, they had both let their emotions flow and let the other see their sorrow.

"I love you too, " she half smiled, certain that she had never felt more cherished than she did at that moment.

* * *

They continued attending the grief counseling class. By listening and participating in group discussions, they learned that by reaching out to others and refusing to remain in isolation and focused on their own suffering, they became stronger and a blessing to others in need of support.

Olivia found this to be especially the case when she decided to volunteer in church sign ups for especial events and helping out in the nursery. She loved talking to people and found a sense of purpose in volunteering, even though she often encountered other mothers with young babies that reminded her of her loss.

A counselor came to one of the sessions and spoke about the five stages of grief. Listening to him speak, Olivia realized that even though she'd gone through the other stages, namely Denial, anger and depression, she'd been stuck in the stage of denial the longest. Hence her tendency to build walls around her and avoid having to talk about her pain.

Fitz didn't think that the psychology of the stages of grief was particularly helpful. He knew he'd been stuck in the bargaining stage the longest. Ever since Evan's death, he'd been trying to help Olivia through her grief, bargaining with his own pain, saying to himself things like "what if I devote my time helping others? Will it be enough to ease the pain?" He was not able to see that he'd also been stuck in denial by working extra long hours, making sure that he didn't have a free moment to dwell on their loss.

 **XXX**

Six weeks after the class was over, Fitz and Olivia discussed for the first time since Evan's death, trying again for another child.

Not surprisingly, Fitz was the one to put the issue on the table. He knew that Olivia had been taking the pill for many months now.

One night as Olivia prepared to take her nightly pill before bed, he suddenly blurted out, " "I wanna try again."

"Try what?" She asked nonchalantly while popping the pill into her mouth.

"For another baby...I want us to try again." He said while Olivia took a sip of water and swallowed.

Olivia was speechless. This was her dream come true. While a few months ago she wouldn't have even considered the possibility, she was now ready to try again. While she was certain that Evan would always be in her heart and that no child would ever be able to replace him, she was ready to move forward.

 **XXX**

 **Two years later**

Olivia and Fitz watched Jessica play with her friends at their local Gymboree on a nice Sunday afternoon. They were sitting in the parent area along with Quinn and Huck and another couple.

At times like this, Fitz felt a tinge of sadness. It seemed as though he and Olivia were the only couple out there with an only child while most parents he'd come in contact with had two or more children. Still, he was not ready yet to take the plunge and consider other options.

In vitro fertilization, adoption, those were the options.

Well-meaning friends even felt entitled to put in their two cents worth. Some said adoption was the solution, many couples ended up conceiving a child naturally shortly after adopting. Fitz wasn't so sure about that. In fact, he wasn't sure he could grow to love an adoptive child as much as he loved Jessica or Evan.

He stole a glance at his beautiful wife. Two years of longing for a baby had changed her. He reached over across the table where they sat and clasped her hand in his. No matter what the future held, he loved her more than anything in the world and he didn't want her to ever forget that.

She smiled for a second or two and then her lips curved into a wearily smile.

Next to them, the other two couples were actively engaged in conversation. Fitz and Olivia found themselves out of the loop.

Fitz focused on his wife. "What is it?" Fitz asked catching her by surprise. "You're awfully quiet, something is clearly bothering you."

Olivia bit her lip. She looked mortified. Fitz knew at once she was hiding something.

"Liv?" He pressed her further. "You've been preoccupied all weekend. What's going on?"

'We'll talk later tonight, ok? She said just as Huck and Quinn turned to her and Fitz in an attempt to draw them into the conversation they were having.

Fitz chuckled at when Huck asked him point blank what was the hardest part of being married. Quinn and Huck had a flair for engaging in heated debates and this was just another example of the loaded questions they loved to put out there during their get-togethers. It was a catch 22 of sorts, If he answered that there was nothing particularly hard about marriage he would lose points in everyone's eyes for being insincere.

"right now we're tied" Quinn happily offered, "Between 'the first year' versus the first decade." Her voice was loud enough to attract other people's attention.

Everyone chuckled at that, even those people around them that were now listening in.

Olivia merely smiled, given her man her utmost attention, secretly glad that the spotlight was not on her.

Fitz considered the question carefully before answering. _The question was what the hardest thing in a marriage, not the hardest time in a marriage._ "I would say that the hardest part of being married is getting over me. What do I mean by that?" He paused to make sure he had everyone's attention. "The hardest part is getting over my own stubbornness and my own ego, " He locked eyes with Olivia whose big brown eyes were focused on his face, following his every word. "Long enough to remind myself that it really takes two to tango, meaning that I need to see my part in whatever problems we have when it's just easier to blame my partner in marriage... " he took a deep breath and when he spoke again his voice was soft just for her, " "Living with me is not easy, thank you my love for putting up with me, believing in me and for being such a great wife and mother."

Olivia held his gaze while the others cheered and applauded and then, looked away, riddled with guilt. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she forced herself to smile. Even though she knew he would eventually forgive her, she still dreaded the moment when Fitz would discover what she had been hiding from him for the last few weeks *****.

 **A/ N:**

 **Next chapter: we're back to present time...promise!**

 ***Reminder: there's no infidelity in this fic. Ever.**

 **If you just found this fic and for some reason it's been a long time since it's been updated, still let me know you're interested , make sure to follow. I will come back, I'm just busy with my other fics.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:**

Sorry it took me this long to update. I'm bringing this story back to the central theme of Fitz being a workaholic and how this affected his marriage to Olivia. Of course, there are other issues as well, but this was the central theme when I first posted this fic back in May of 2015.

RE-CAP

Chapters 1 through 4: present time. Daughter Jessica ( 9 years old) becomes seriously ill and hospitalized while Fitz and Olivia are in the middle of a divorce. Chapters 5 & 6 flashback to when Jessica was born and her first birthday. At the end of Chapter 7, Jessica is 3 and a half years old. **By the end of chapter 8, she's 5 and a half. Last chapter ends with Fitz and Olivia gathering with friends at Gymboree. Fitz knows something is bothering her and Olivia tells him they will talk again that night when they get home. She's riddled with guilt because she's hiding something from him.** The end.

In this chapter we move forward to present time.

 _Since in this fic I did not use dates to signal passage of time, I'm using Jessica's age as the reference point._

* * *

This chapter starts exactly where we left off with Jessica being 5 and a half years old.

When they got home late that night, Olivia prepared one of Fitz's favorite dish: Parmesan crusted tilapia. For dessert, they had warm peach cobbler with a generous scoop of ice cream. Fitz was happy, Olivia and Jessica were happy. In all, the last couple of years had been the best of their marriage in spite of their difficulties getting pregnant, the loss of their son and the fact that Fitz was working 15 hour days including Saturdays. The way he had spoken about her in front of their friends at Gymboree had warmed Olivia's heart. And now, watching him dig into his dessert, she felt a heavy cloak of guilt settling into her heart.

In truth, she had purposely waited until the last minute to tell him about the social workers visit, hoping that the short notice would give him less time to think things through and say no. She knew it wasn't fair for him, but hey, it wasn't' t fair for her either. She felt caught between a rock and a hard place. He didn't want to adopt. They were happy, he had said with one child. To be sure, adoption was an option for infertile couples but that certainly was not their case. They'd been to several fertility specialists who had unanimously agreed that there was no medical reason why they couldn't get pregnant. Indeed, all three specialists had been in agreement in their approach and had urged them not to despair. It would happen, they just had to give it time. One of them had gone as far as to state that it could take up to three years for perfectly fertile couples to conceive, ignoring the fact that they were fast approaching the three year mark.

After dinner, they settled together with Jessica in the family room to watch _Jumanji_ on Netflix. Even though, this was one of Fitz's favorite movies, he opted to keep his laptop on his lap while the movie played, taking the opportunity to catch up on his work.

During the movie, Olivia had repeatedly glanced at Fitz, wondering why he couldn't just watch the movie with them and be fully present. But of course, she couldn't say that as she didn't want to start an argument in front of Jessica.

"Fitz, We need to talk," Olivia said after their daughter had gone to bed.

Fitz looked up at her vaguely remembering that she'd said something earlier about them talking tonight. "Yeah?" He prompted.

"Can you put your laptop away, please? " She asked, trying her best to keep the irritation out of her voice, yet knowing at once that she'd failed. Fitz was already shifting uncomfortably in his seat, reacting to her chastising tone. She just couldn't understand why he seemed unable to focus on their family longer than five minutes. He was either on the phone, computer or other digital device whenever he was home.

With a roll of the eyes, Fitz shut down his laptop and set it on the coffee table in front of him.

She took a deep breath and exhaled. "I have a confession to make. " she bit her lip nervously, "I went ahead and filed the adoption paperwork. A social worker is coming tomorrow morning to interview us. "

"Wh-what?" Fitz cocked his head in disbelief. "I Told you I wasn't ready for that," he snapped. "Besides, I have a meeting tomorrow morning."

"Well, actually, the meeting Mrs. Dawson scheduled for you tomorrow is the meeting with the social worker," Olivia said hoping her partner in crime-his secretary- would not get in trouble for this and at the same time, still proud of the fact she had taken it upon herself to make sure that this time he couldn't use work as an excuse to not attend the interview.

"So you went ahead and scheduled this interview even though _you knew_ quite well how I feel about it," he sneered. "How long? How long have you been planning this?"

Olivia dismissed his question. It was irrelevant in her opinion, the important thing was that the social worker was coming tomorrow.

"Fitz...please, can you at least agree to meet with her and put your best foot forward? Can you do it for me, for us, for our family?" She pleaded.

Fitz leaned back further against the cushions and locked his fingers together and rested his chin on his hands in a pensive pose. "I'm not changing my mind about this, Olivia," he said after what seemed like an eternity. "I don't want to adopt, not now not ever and that's final." For reasons that she couldn't understand and for reasons he couldn't quite explain, he didn't want to adopt. He figured if God wanted them to have another child, it would have happened already and if it hadn't, then maybe it wasn't supposed to. It was this same line of thinking that had ultimately helped him deal with Evan's death.

"But why?" She asked her voiced laced with sorrow. "I never wanted Jessica to be an only child, you knew this even before we got married."

"Things change. The bottom line is that I don't want to adopt." He rose to his feet and paced the room. He couldn't understand why she seemed to think he SHOULD agree with her plans. What kind of logic was that. "Darn it, why can't you respect that?"

* * *

 **The next day**

Even though Fitz was beyond pissed at Olivia for practically forcing him to do something he was dead against, he decided to make the best of it and go along with the interview. He could have left the house and refuse to participate but he figured he didn't have anything to lose by staying. Obviously, He wasn't going to lie and say he was thrilled to adopt and genuinely wondered if knowing this, the social worker would still approve of them adopting.

"Her name is Joanne. She will be here any minute," Olivia said rather nervously after dropping off Jessica at school. Seeing that he had dressed in suit and tie as though he was going to work, she added, "I see that you decided to stay for the interview..."

He pursed his lips, "I'm not going to lie."

Olivia sighed and turned away, her disappointment plain to see. She'd been hoping though that Fitz would change his mind once the social worker showed them the picture of the baby boy available for adoption. It usually takes many months of being on a wait list to get a child, but in a stroke of luck a child had become available to them right now. She just couldn't imagine Fitz saying no once he saw the little boy's photograph.

And they did get to see a photograph but it wasn't until the very end. First, Olivia led Joanne on a tour of the house especially the nursery which still had everything they had purchased for Evan.

Fitz worked in his home office while the two women talked until Olivia called him to the dining room where the interview was to take place. They enjoyed a few minutes of small talk along with coffee and pastries.

Next, Joanne asked them personal questions about their childhoods. Both Fitz and Olivia learned a couple of things about each other that they didn't know. Olivia developed her love for photography when she captured her grandmother's delighted expression when doing the hula-hoop, and Fitz had an older half brother on his father's side whom he'd met only twice in his life.

Lastly, they discussed their feelings about becoming parents while sharing photos of the little boy, 6 months old that was being considered for adoption. Olivia shared her hopes and dreams for another child amid a whole range of bittersweet emotions and then it was Fitz's turn to speak.

"Frankly, I don't know if I would be able to love another child like I love Jessica."

Oddly, Joanne seemed pleased with his answer. "It's perfectly normal for adoptive parents to wonder sometimes whether they would be able to love a child as though he or she was their own. Furthermore, in my experience, parents are in touch with their feelings make excellent adoptive parents.

* * *

 **The next day**

Before she even opened her eyes, Olivia felt warm sunshine on her face. For a moment she basked in the tranquility of morning, allowing herself to forget for a few moments the chaos and uncertainty of the day before. She noted, however how life sooner tends to find it's way back to normal even after the hardest trials and tribulations. A few days later she learned the adoption fell through and life went on as usual.

For Olivia, it was still hard seeing families with two or more kids and not feel a twinge of pain. As a result, Olivia turned down all requests for family portraits and later shifted her freelancing practice to weddings only. She had her business cards to say 'wedding photographer, hoping that people would keep themselves from asking for family portraits. Word got around in a small town like hers. Even so, her strategy wasn't foolproof, every once in a while she'd found herself shooting pictures with small children alongside the bride and groom. It was worse whenever there was a little boy in the picture and she found herself making the mental calculations, comparing the boy to Evan and estimating the difference in their ages had Evan been alive today. It became a ritual, a compulsion, something she did without thinking.

Everywhere she looked, there were families with two or more kids, and she really didn't want to begrudge others their good fortune so she focused most of her energies on her one surviving child.

* * *

 **Jessica's Sixth Birthday**

Some time before Jessica's sixth birthday, Olivia started to really worry about her daughter. Her child had gone from being fairly outgoing to becoming painfully shy in the span of a year. The transformation had started slowly transferring to all social situations. It had been quite painful for Olivia to watch. Children who knew her since kindergarten no longer invited her to birthday parties once first grade rolled around. Her teacher reported that now Jessica watched her classmates play at recess but rarely participated in their games. Moreover, when people spoke to her, Jessica's 'go- to' response was to lower her gaze and study her shoes.

As a result, a friend advised her to enroll her daughter in soccer to help her build a healthy self-esteem. At first, Jessica recoiled not wanting to participate. Yet, Olivia continued to take her to practice and encourage her to participate. As time went by, Jessica got remarkably better at playing the sport, she was a fast runner and she scored a few goalies. One Saturday, Olivia brought cupcakes for the entire team to help celebrate Jessica's birthday. And while Jessica was still having difficulty making and keeping friends, for that brief period of time amid laughter and cupcakes, she felt like part of the group.

The following Saturday was the final day of the season. Fitz reassured both his wife and daughter that he would be there but he missed the event altogether.

Fitz knew he'd messed up. He'd missed his daughter's soccer game and he felt bad about it, especially because he had promised Olivia. At the time, when he made the promise, he thought he'd be able to make it (the game was on Saturday morning) but by the time Saturday rolled around and Cyrus asked him to take care of the Johnson account, he knew he couldn't say no. His goal was to make it to senior partner to Cyrus and he was sick and tired of being a junior associate.

As soon as he was able, he called Olivia to apologize. "Liv, I'm really sorry...there's this new client and-"

"They had a party afterwards," she cut in. "Everyone was there. The kids and the parents, everyone was there but you...Jessica asked me how come Daddy can never come? You haven't made it to even one of her games this season...not even one..."

"That's not true...I went to the first game," Fitz protested.

"That one doesn't count. You got there late and then you were on the phone and you missed everything," Olivia countered. The bottom line was that she felt as though he hadn't even been there. He missed Jessica scoring a goal, he missed it all.

"I was there, doesn't that count for anything?"

"I really can't deal with this right now, would you just drop it?"

He sighed in exasperation, he was sick and tired of her shutting him out. Tired of all this. She shut him out when Evan passed away and now she was doing it again by refusing to get past this.

* * *

As it was, Olivia frequently found herself confiding in her best friend Quinn.

"I just want him more in my life, I want to feel he's my partner and not as though I'm a single parent. I feel so alone." she lamented.

"Liv, you got tell him that, what you told me exactly."

"I've told him, " Olivia pouted, "He just keep telling me that I need to be more supportive of him as a wife."

Quinn raised a brow, "and what does he mean by that?"

Olivia shrugged, "basically understand that he has to work late, understand that he can't always make it to recitals, plays or any major event, or anything important going on with me and Jessica."

"The way you put it, it sounds pretty grim," Quinn retorted.

"I just don't understand," Olivia said in a tone that clearly said she was looking for some sympathy, "I've given him everything. A daughter, a home. I even gave up adopting a baby because he didn't want to...what else am I supposed to give? Am I supposed to be happy because he's always working, is that what it is ...AM I JUST SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY HE'S FUCKING GONE all the time?"

"It sounds to be he's not going to change and give you what you want, either because he can't or he doesn't want to," Quinn began with a keen look in her eye, "so then, it's up to you, Liv, it's up to you to decide how you're gonna handle it. " She paused for effect. Right away, she could tell that Olivia was not ready to listen and truly consider her advice. Still, she went on to say, "you know the saying, if life gives us lemons, we make lemonade."

"Easy for you to say, Olivia countered. "John is an attentive husband. He supported you when you went back to work. You work part-time, flexible schedule with your kids. John works a regular 9 to 5 job

"And watches ESPN every night, come hell or high water," Quinn added with a smirk.

Olivia smirked back, "don't tell me THAT'S your main complaint..."

"NO, of course not," Quinn sharply retorted, "He's also a slob and doesn't help around the house not even if the house is on fire!"

"Really?"

"Really?

They both chuckled.

"Alrighty, then, now that we're all done complaining, can we make a list of the positives?" Quinn proposed.

Olivia gave her a grim smile.

"Okay, look," Quinn went on, "I know that Fitz and his workaholic ways are a bigger deal. I'm not trying to minimize things for you or how you feel," she went on with an empathetic expression, "but if you love Fitz, you're gonna have to learn to accept that he's gonna be a workaholic until he decides to stop being one. But here is the thing, you can let that keep making you unhappy or you can choose to fill your life with other things so it won't bother you as much. " She paused, punctuating her words with a slight tilt of the head indicating a moment of reflection, "If you love him and want to stay married to him, you're gonna need to start re-framing the problem or it will just consume you."

Right then, Quinn's girls, Maggie and Chloe and Jessica came into the room and asked if they could watch TV. Quinn nodded and the older girl turned on the television. A _Peanuts_ DVD that had been left in the player started playing.

Olivia took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then, she said with a smirk, "Okay, dear Dr. Quinn, how much do I owe you for the session?"

Quinn let out a chuckle as the character _Lucy_ appeared on screen. "I request that you pay in advance. Five cents, please," She retorted.

* * *

 **Jessica's Seventh Birthday**

They celebrated Jessica's birthday at Chuck-E-Cheese's. In light of Jessica's shyness, Olivia had decided that the best thing was to invite every single one of her classmates. Maggie, Quinn's daughter was there too.

Alice and Martin Grant arrived early holding half a dozen balloons.

"Welcome to Chuck-e-Cheese. Will you be attending a birthday party today?" a young kid dressed in red asked.

"Jessica Grant, she's turning seven today."

The kid stamped their wrists. "It's identification, for safety."

"I wonder when she's gonna stop wasting so much money on these birthday parties, " Alice Grant mumbled to her husband as they walked to the party room. "seriously, I called and asked, it costs $580 dollars for a party like this." She shook her head in disapproval, "seriously if the money was put aside for Jessica's college fund, I tell you that would certainly be a great investment for her future," she concluded as they arrived at the long banquet table that had Jessica's name and age printed on a big round sign.

"Hello, darling, happy birthday," Alice leaned to give Jessica a hug. Martin came around and waited his turn.

"Welcome," Olivia greeted them. "You're early."

"Of course, dear," Alice replied. "We're here to help out.

"That's sweet of you. But everything is taken care of," Olivia said.

"Where's Fitz?" Martin asked before giving his granddaughter a hug.

"He's running a little late, he should be here any minute," Olivia said wishing she could feel as confident as she appeared. She'd dialed Fitz's number 10 times in the last hour and he still hadn't returned any of her calls or text messages.

Shortly after that, Quinn and Maggie and the other guests started arriving.

Olivia heard Alice say to Jessica loud enough for the other guests to hear, "Darling, I didn't bring you any gifts, in lieu of that, grandpa and I have decided to put $600 dollars in your college fund which is about as much as your mommy spent on this birthday party. The money will be there for you when you need it whereas the money spent on this party is already gone forever, " she concluded scanning around the room to see who was listening.

In her head, Olivia pictured burying her fist in the woman' s face. All these years she had put up with this woman's obnoxious behavior, the put downs and the snide comments. And for what? For peace' s sake?

"Thank you, Alice for your wonderful gift," she said matching Alice's disingenuous smile, 'however our financial decisions are none of your damn business," she went on still smiling. There was no way she was going to hive this woman the satisfaction of complaining to Fitz, telling him she acted improperly in public even though she wanted to slap her silly and dance on her face.

Alice' s face twisted into an ugly smirk, "I knew it from the minute my son brought you home to meet us that you were not good for him," she hissed with undisguised venom.

At this point, Jessica and the other children had already scattered to play on the indoor climbing structure adjacent to the party room. A couple of parents were still hanging around the party table but Olivia did not give them much thought. If they heard it all it didn't matter.

"You mean you took one good look at me, decided I was no good and decided right then you didn't want your son marrying outside his race," Olivia spoke with contempt, "and now here we are eight years later and you're still singing the same tune."

Alice looked around suddenly concerned that perhaps others were listening, "Don't throw the race card at me to draw some sympathy!"

"I don't hide, I don't lie, I tell it like it is and if you don't like it then you can just leave, I'll be more than happy to show you to the door."

Alice turned and left with her husband trailing behind her.

After it was all over, Olivia wondered why she hasn't confronted the woman sooner. It seemed amazing to her now how she had deluded herself into thinking Alice Grant would one day embrace her like a daughter. It seemed clear to her that would never happen.

"Well, if I wasn't standing already, I would give you a standing ovation," Quinn said putting an around around her shoulder, "What does it feel like to finally put the aptly Queen of Hearts* in her place?"

Olivia nodded in appreciation for the compliment. She looked around her, noting that some of the other mothers that had stayed to linger around the table while their children played in the jungle gym were 'discretely' following everything that was going on. "That's how she wanted it. 'The Queen" prefers to fight her battles in public, the more spectators the better. But you know what, I'm beyond caring. I've tried to keep the peace thinking that eventually she would grow to love me. " She let out a quiet chuckle laced with bitterness, "Isn't that ridiculous? All these years, I've been hoping for a mother, the mother I never had...in that woman of all people, can you believe that?-she trailed off stifling a sob. Quinn, don't let me fall apart in front of these people," she pleaded.

For a moment, Quinn gazed at her friend sadly but then quickly switched to cheer up mode, "Come, let's go an check on the kids..."

 **Later.**

Fitz did not arrive at Chuck-E-Cheese's until after his parents had both left the party. He couldn't believe that they had actually left in the middle of Jessica's birthday celebration.

"Well, Fitz that's your mom and dad for you, in all their furry glory," Olivia said sarcastically. She was still quite upset that Fitz was an hour late for the party. Following Quinn' s advice proved harder than she imagined. Lord knows how hard she tried to be understanding. "They just left just like that."

"Couldn't you wait until later to have your argument?" Fitz hissed, "There was no need to air our dirty laundry in public, don't you think?"

Fitz was beyond outraged, "for your information, it was her, your lovely mother who started it all...you wanna hear what she said to me in front of everybody?"

Right then, all the children came back to their seats as Chuck-E himself and his friends were about to perform their blasting performance. Some of the other parents, having noticed the argument between Olivia and Fitz were standing around watching curiously yet pretending that they were not paying attention.

"I don't care what she said," Fitz said with clenched teeth, "you should have been the bigger person and refuse to engage with her at her level."

"Whose side are you on, anyway? Hers or mine?" Olivia stood from her chair as Jessica took her place at the head of the table. As the birthday girl, she would receive a special hug from Chuck-E right before the performance. This is when Olivia realized much to her chagrin that she had wanted to record this part of the birthday celebration but now the moment was lost. She reached for her camera but by then Chuck-E had moved on to the center stage with the other furry characters.

"Shit!" she cursed under her breath. "I missed it!"

Quinn waved at her from a different part of the room to get her attention, "don't worry, Liv,' I got some pictures!"

"Thanks!" Olivia mouthed, so grateful to have a friend like Quinn.

Up on stage while the furry characters were performing the 'Happy Birthday song', Fitz and Olivia exchanged angry glances. And soon after that, it was time for Jessica to cut the cake. Seemingly oblivious to her parents' argument, Jessica cut the cake and blushed when everyone clapped. With a shy look in her eye, she gave Chuck-E the first slice of the cake.

After everyone got to enjoy a slice of cake, distributed by the staff, it was time for Jessica to open her presents. At this point, Olivia moved to stand by her daughter coaching her on proper etiquette. Jessica got through the task of personally thanking everyone for their gifts fairly well considering her shyness. Olivia was proud. While this was going on, Fitz struck up a conversation with the only other dad present in the room (Quinn's husband John).

Quinn approached Olivia at her first opportunity and asked if she could take Jessica home with her for an overnight stay.

"Wow, yes, that would be great," Olivia said knowing the inevitable fall out once they got home, thinking it was best to shield her daughter from it all.

Once they got home, their argument continued.

"You never answered my question...whose side are you on, anyway?"

"Olivia, you're not being fair," he replied.

"It's not a matter of fairness...it's a matter of when are you REALLY going to talk to your mother and get her to stop being so damn critical of me! When is she finally going to accept me as your wife and stop trying to break up our marriage!" She yelled.

"You're blowing this out of proportion!" Fitz protested with a sneer, his tone rising to match up hers. "How can you say that? How can you even think that my mother wants to break us up?"

Olivia shook her head in disbelief, how could he not see the writing on the wall? "Talk to her, Fitz."

"I've talked to her...every time she's getting ready to say something negative about you, I come out in her defense, EVERY SINGLE TIME!"

Olivia gave him an skeptical look. "Well, from the looks of it...whatever you're doing IS NOT WORKING!"

"Can you stop, Liv? Can you stop pointing fingers at me? I'm not the enemy, I'm on your side, I'm ON OUR SIDE!" He urged her. "I'm sorry I was late, I should have been there when my mom started with her shenanigans, what else can I say?"

"I'm not pointing fingers at you!" Olivia cried, her voice suddenly faltering. She didn't want to fight, she hated arguments. In fact, she was an expert in avoiding them. Yet, HE NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND! and it was clear that he still didn't see her side at all. "I JUST WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND!"

"But I UNDERSTAND!" he countered in a defensive tone. "I"m here for you. I always try to be here for you. I"m sorry if sometimes I let you down, if sometimes I can't make it to family reunions and birthdays...I do the best that I can, you have no idea the amount of pressure I'[m under every day so we can have this nice house, a retirement account and the lifestyle that we want. I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW HARD I WORK FOR YOU, FOR US! everything I do, I do it for you. WHEN are you going to understand that? I need validation from you, Liv, _I need you tell me that you understand me THAT YOU VALUE MY CONTRIBUTION TO THIS FAMILY!_

"I've tried my best to be understanding...I've listened to you go on and on about how this client did this or that or how you had to do this other thing and it got late and you couldn't make it on time. I'm tired of waiting for you when you say you're gonna be home. I'm tired of hosting all of Jessica's birthday parties, Thanksgivings, Christmas dinners and waiting for you to show up. I'm tired of having to tuck Jessie in at night and have ask for you. It's like a I'm a single parent but worse, since you actually live here under the same roof with us!" she shook her head in anger. "we live together but we're leading separate lives."

Fitz shook his head in dismay. It was all clear to him now. The bottom line was that she didn't understand. He could go on and on about this and she still wouldn't understand. Her style of communication had always been putting off discussing things with him until the last minute or avoiding them all together as a way to keep peace. What ended up happening was that keeping her feelings bottled up meant that she was often prone to angry outbursts like tonight.

Olivia turned away in frustration. All she wanted was for him to be home more, to care more about what she and Jessica did during the day, to be more involved in THEIR lives both as a husband AND as a parent.

* * *

 **Jessica's eighth Birthday.**

They celebrated Jessica's eight birthday at home. This time they had a smaller party for her, just Quinn's kids and a couple of girls in Jessica's class. The grandparents came and the tension was clearly palpable. They mainly interacted with Fitz and Jessica and ignored Olivia as much as possible. Olivia was beyond caring, she made the best of it and only talked to her in-laws when it was absolutely necessary.

The Following Friday Fitz was in his home office busily typing in his computer when Jessica came in. He was working on re- drafting proposals for a couple of re-modeling projects for one of his most demanding clients.

"Hi, princess," he greeted his daughter rather absentmindedly, his fingers still typing across his computer keyboard.

Jessica mumbled a quiet 'hi' back and lingered around the room with her hands behind her back as if waiting for him to be done typing.

"You need something?"

"Daddy, you know how you said we would go to Disneyland last summer and we never went. And now Sunday is Easter Sunday and I was thinking why don't we go tomorrow?"

Fitz most reluctantly peeled his eyes away from the computer. He wondered if Olivia put her up to this. "Jessie, tomorrow is the Saturday the day before a major holiday and there will be a lot of traffic." He furrowed his brow, giving her a quizzical look, "Did you talk to your mother about this?"

Jessica smiled brightly. "She says if it's okay with you, we can go to Disneyland tomorrow."

"Sweetheart, tomorrow is a busy day for me. Your mom and I are gonna sit down and discuss a time when we can all get away for the weekend."

"But you said that last Christmas," Jessica pouted crossing her arms.

Fitz took a breath and huffed it out. He remembered that conversation quite well. They'd been all having dinner sometime in mid December when Jessica said something about Disneyland. Olivia had made a comment about how incredibly crowded Disneyland was this time of year. In response, Olivia had huffed something about Disneyland being crowded year-round and they just had to pick a date and stick with it. Of course, they will need to plan it out. He hated feeling pressured.

"Pumpkin, I'm really busy right now. Your mom and I will sit down together and figure out a time. I promise," he said giving his daughter a pointed look.

* * *

 **Jessica turns nine.**

They never went to that trip to Disneyland. It was now the end of May which signaled the end of the school year. Jessica had turned nine years old two months ago at the end of March.

Today, Olivia was running late. She was scheduled to photo shoot a wedding. Last night, the bride's parents had requested a special session at the bride's home of the entire family an hour before the actual wedding. Normally, she wouldn't have agreed to something like this as she normally wouldn't recommend a photo shoot so close to the time when the ceremony was about to start. Not only that, but she also had personal reasons to avoid this as there was a good chance that there would be young children running around and that just reminded her so much of Evan even after all these years.

"Liv, it's gonna be okay, you go on," Fitz said, slipping and arm around her waist, "Jessie will be fine."

"She still needs help with her diorama. It's due tomorrow..."

"Don't say another word," Fitz reassured her, "I got it covered, I'll help her."

Olivia pecked his lips before pulling away from his embrace. On days like this, it was hard to pull away from him. With a sigh, she walked back to her daughter's room to say goodbye. Much to her chagrin, Jessica was playing with her Barbies.

"Jessie, come on. I thought you were working on your project." Olivia frowned. As an overachiever, she demanded perfection from herself in her job and wanted to encourage her daughter above all else to be the best she could be. And so she chastised herself, this assignment should have been completed a long time ago. They had just been so busy the last few weeks, the diorama assignment had slipped through the cracks. Well, that and the fact that Jessica had changed her mind about the project and had decided to base her diorama on a different book.

Jessica Huffed and rolled her eyes at her mother's reprimand in a way that wasn't altogether mean or disrespectful. "I will work on it, mom, dad said he will help me, remember?"

"Yes, thank goodness for Sundays!" Olivia's demeanor softened a little. "Still, you don't have too much time, and I gotta go, sweetie. I'm gonna be gone the rest of the day and won't be able to help you."

"I know, mom." Jessica rose from the bed where all her Barbies lay scattered across the comforter.

"Give me a hug," Olivia pulled her daughter close. "Love you."

Jessica welcomed her mother's embrace, "I love you too."

After Olivia left, Fitz invited his daughter to come and sit with him in the swing in the backyard. It was a nice spring day outside, not too cold, not to warm. "Or better still, you know what would be perfect?" Fitz prompted in an upbeat tone.

"Yeah?" She looked at her father expectantly knowing that something good was coming judging from his tone of voice and body language.

"Two giants bowls of ice cream, that's what..."Fitz said sauntering into the kitchen.

Jessica chuckled with unexpected delight and followed her dad. She had been expecting it to be GOOD, but not this GOOD!

"Oh, oh, no ice cream left," Fitz announced looking into the freezer, "Let's go out to get some. " He turned to face Jessica. "You want us to go to the grocery or to _Stone Cold_?"

"Stone cold!"

"Stone cold it is," Fitz agreed, grabbing his keys.

Twenty minutes later, Fitz pulled his Lexus into one of the most coveted parking spots at their local mall. He was feeling optimistic about his life. Everything was going great. He had a gorgeous home, a beautiful wife and daughter and **he had just secured a position as a senior partner.** While it was true that Olivia had been unhappy about his work hours, he was hopeful for the future.

They walked around for a bit before going into Cold Stone. On their way there, they stopped at the Children's place. He hadn't been shopping with his young daughter since she was three years old but just as they walked by the store, he recalled Olivia telling him that Jessica needed tops and a couple of jeans and that she['d been to busy to go shopping.

"Okay, what do you want, Jess?"

Jessica eyed her father curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Your mom said you needed some clothes. Just get what you need and bring it to the register."

"Anything I want?" Jessica didn't know what to think. Her mother made all clothing decisions even when they were both shopping together. Sometimes mom would ask if she liked one style of jeans versus the other and that was it.

"Yeah, pumpkin. Don't take too long, though, remember the ice cream. "

Nearly an hour later, they walked out of the store with two large bags of clothing. Jessica was on cloud nine.

"There's that movie playing...Minions, you wanna go see it?"

"Oh, Yes! Daddy!" Jessica jumped for joy, doing her best to keep up with her father's long strides, "can we get popcorn too?"

"I don't see why not," Fitz grinned. "Going to the movies is not the same without a giant tub of buttered popcorn."

"Did you go to the movies a lot when you were growing up, daddy?"

Fitz's smile faded. He had not shared much of his childhood memories with Jessica and now, it was also painfully clear that his own parents had not shared much with her either. However uncomfortable it was, he couldn't lie to his young daughter. "When I was growing up, we didn't have much money, we didn't go anywhere actually." He paused to collect his thoughts, he had to tell her a simplified version of events, one a little less painful even. How could he tell his young daughter that his parents had been so embarrassed that they stopped socializing with people? yes, they were homeowners so technically they were not considered 'poor' or disadvantaged. His family lived in a middle class neighborhood, dual income yet they could barely make ends meet and deep in credit card debt . It wasn't until shortly after he graduated from high school, that things started looking up for the Grants in the financial realm, partly because as soon as he was able, Fitz had contributed to the household income and his parents were able to pay off their bills.

Anyhow, how was he to explain all that to a 9 year old?

He must have been lost in his thoughts way too long, next thing he knows his daughter is staring at him questioningly. And then he couldn't think of anything else to say about the subject. And they were at the front of the line to buy their tickets.

After paying for the tickets, they made a beeline for the popcorn counter and Fitz ordered the largest tub to share. They made it back home at around 7:30 pm after stopping to get Chinese takeout for dinner. Fitz texted Olivia to let her know.

"Oh, no!" She slapped the side of her head in a dramatic fashion.

"What is it, Pumpkin?"

"I didn't even get started on my diorama!"

"Oh, that. You still have time princess. We can do it before your mom gets home, she's running late tonight."

Jessica gave her dad a dubious look. There was no way they could finish it, no way at all.

"Okay, tell me what it's about," Fitz prompted.

She ran to her room and retrieved a Nancy Drew Book titled _The mystery of the 99 steps_ and gave it to Fitz.

"Wow, a mystery," he leafed through the pages. "A little advanced for you, I think. Did you read the whole thing?"

Jessica rolled her eyes and looked at him in utter disbelief. "Duh, yeah, of course I read it. Mrs. Dunn says it's actually BELOW my reading level."

Fitz was a little surprised to hear that. "Well, that's good to hear. When I was growing up we didn't have big assignments based on books until I was in the fourth grade."

The young girl's eyes widened as big as saucers. _How could he be so clueless? "_ I'm in fourth grade, dad."

"Oh, of course, time does fly..." he trailed off, feeling rather lame. _Hmm...so she wasn't in the third grade..._ "Oh, guess you're mother is home," he said, his ear picking up the unmistakable sound of Olivia's vehicle pulling into their three car garage.

"Oh, NO!" Jessica looked terrified, "Mom is gonna kill me!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Fitz joked good-naturedly. "Now, stop it, Jess. What's done is done...and well, there's nothing we can do about it now. Frankly, I'm REALLY disappointed in you," he shook his head in disapproval, " At your age, a fourth grader like you shouldn't have procrastinated until the last minute. How many weeks has it been since you were given this assignment?"

Jessica shrugged. "Hmm... 2 weeks?" she hesitated.

"TWO WEEKS! Two whole weeks when you could have done something and YET you chose to do nothing," Fitz shook his head in disapproval. "From now on, I would like to see you being more responsible with your school work. "

"But...mom she was busy and then it took me a while to read the book because..."

"Excuses and more excuses! You could have finished your book earlier and you didn't need your mother to do this assignment or me for that matter..."

"But, dad..."

"Whose assignment is it, anyway, Jess?" He paused for effect. "Is it your mother's? She shook her head. "Is it mine?" She shook her head again. "Is it yours?"

Jessica shrugged one shoulder, looking defeated.

* * *

 **Present time.**

 **Setting: Jessica's hospital room.**

Olivia had been thinking about divorcing Fitz off and on for the last two years. It had all started when they lost the chance to adopt and then she withdrew their names from the wait list in defeat. She'd been waiting for Fitz to change his mind but he never did. Now, looking at their daughter as she slept in her hospital bed, she felt conflicted. She had consulted with an attorney who had advised her to keep Fitz in the dark about her plans to file for divorce. It wasn't that she didn't love Fitz. On the contrary, she loved him still, but she was tired of being second place in his life. His lack of involvement in their daughter's life, their fertility issues and the adoption fiasco had just been the last straw **.**

She looked up when she saw of Fitz sauntering into the room his eyes clouded with worry. He slowed down his pace as he strode to the side of the bed facing Olivia, who immediately sat up straighter and tried to pull herself together for whatever questions might come her way, questions for which she had no answer. He barely glanced at her, his focus was clearly on their daughter.

"Fitz," she spoke his name, glad that he was finally here.

He looked up and they locked eyes. There was so much hurt and uncertainty between them and so much left unsaid.

"Your mom and dad went to the cafeteria, " Olivia explained, "they should be back any minute. "

Fitz nodded. He noted the dark rings hat circled her eyes, he felt just as exhausted.

Suddenly, Jessica opened her eyes. "Daddy, you're here," Jessica said quietly, her lips curving into a weak smile.

Fitz leaned closer and stroked his daughter's hair. "How are you feeling, princess?"

"Tired," she mumbled.

Olivia took her daughter's hand and squeezed it warmly, her love and devotion plain for anyone to see. "I love you, sweetheart, I love you so much," she stifled a sob and swallowed the lump in her throat. Her baby was going to be alright. She had to.

"I dreamed I was in Disneyland." Jessica said now smiling her gaze shifting back and forth between her parents. "Dad, Disneyland. Remember? We need to go, we need a vacation."

Fitz' s gaze shifted to Olivia and then he spoke clearing his throat, "I'm sure we can do something about that..."

Fitz exchanged a look with Olivia. He almost said, if it' s okay with your mom, which was his go- to response whenever Jessica asked him for something. But he really didn't know where he stood anymore now that the ' D' word had been spoken. He didn't think it she would actually file for divorce, yet he couldn't be sure. "I' m going to make the time, sweetheart. This time is for real, I promise you, baby," he murmured determined to keep his promise come hell or high water.

Jessica looked at her mother, "Mommy," she started in the softest of voices, "you want to go to Disneyland too?"

" Hmm...?" Olivia was taken aback she wasn't expecting Jessica to ask her such a direct question. She was so utterly exhausted. Her eyes were gritty with lack of sleep and her mind was spinning from the extreme emotions of the day. " Yes, of course, sweetie."

Satisfied with the answer, Jessica closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

 **AN:**

* reference to the Queen of Hearts is in reference to the evil queen in the book Alice In Wonderland.

 **This story is coming to an end.** I might be **able to wrap things up in one long chapter.** I might need to spread it into three short chapters. We'll see. Thanks to all that have reviewed, favorited and/or followed this story. Special thanks to _SeptemberMom_ for catching a continuity error in a previous chapter (now fixed), I really owe you one.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:**

I'm sorry it's taken me this long to update. This is the final chapter. I might come back and revise wording again and/ or add something I might have forgotten. Often, it doesn't hit me until _after_ I post a chapter. If I do make any significant changes in the next couple of days, I'll announce it in the story description in case you want to check it out. I will also write an epilogue if you're interested.

Readers and guest reviewers: If you've reviewed the last chapter, please review again and let me know you read this one too. Often times, when I finally came back to post, I look for the same readers and then they're not there. I'm not complaining, just letting you know that I'm often motivated to write for those readers that seem really interested in the story. I love hearing from you. Thanks.

 **I started writing for another fandom but I have not abandoned my babies. I'm getting ready to post the next chapter for _A Match Made in Heaven_ this weekend and I'm currently editing chapters for Whatever Happens & The Miracle Maker (so far, I've edited the first 16 chapters out of 34).**

Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Those first days after the confirmed diagnosis were the hardest. Jessica weaved in and out of consciousness and there was still some uncertainty as to her complete recovery. Her parents and grandparents hovered around the hospital and took turns visiting and spending the night as only one adult was allowed to stay in the room with her.

"Olivia," her mother-in-law started as they shared lunch in the cafeteria one morning."You're such a good mother. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Olivia blinked in surprise, thinking maybe she had misheard. How ironic that she would finally get some recognition from Alice Grant now when she and Fitz were on the brink of getting a divorce.

"I'm sorry for the way I've treated you over the years. I've done some awful things."

"Hmm...okay," she replied at a loss for words. This was so completely unexpected. She couldn't help but wonder if something major had happened. Had the woman been suddenly diagnosed with a terminal illness?

"With Jessie being so sick, we got to stick together," Alice added with a sniff. "Life is so fragile."

Olivia nodded. "Honestly, I don't know what to say."

"Just say that you accept my apology, dear."

"Okay. I accept your apology, Alice," Olivia replied sincerely, thinking now that it really did made sense for her mother-in-law to have a change of heart and to want to make amends. After all, Fitz was her only child and Jessica her only grandchild.

* * *

xxx

Unbeknownst to Olivia, Fitz had a similar conversation with his father who had taken him aside and asked him point blank if something was the matter with him and Olivia.

Fitz stared back at his father dumbfounded. As a rule, he and his father did not have deep conversations very often; in fact, they both preferred to engage in the safety of small talk.

"Why…why do you ask?"

Martin gave his son a nod and a knowing look. "Let's just say I noticed something that makes me think you and Olivia are going through a rough patch which has nothing to do with Jessie's illness."

Fitz's response was to huff out a breath.

"You and Olivia need to work things out…and I'm hoping here that you can learn something from my mistakes."

Fitz cocked his head, his expression showing that he was listening attentively.

"When I got married the first time around, I was selfish, immature. I took the path of least resistance. I paid for it dearly."

Fitz nodded in understanding. His father was referring to his older half-brother. He decided to ask the question he'd wondered about for years but never asked. "You never fought for custody?"

"In those days, people used to think kids belonged with their mothers." His father sighed. "Okay, so I didn't even try. I felt bad and ashamed. I felt I had failed my family."

Fitz shook his head. Even though he understood his father's reasons he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that his father had never visited his older son after the divorce. Fitz was eight years old when he met Joseph, his senior by ten years, for the very first time.

"But you never visited him either..."

"Well, as you remember, we didn't have that much money to travel back in those days," his father countered somewhat defensively.

Fitz shook his head. He would have liked to have had some sort of relationship with his half-brother but he'd seen him only a handful of times since that one and only trip to Canada all those years ago.

"Joseph has never truly forgiven me for abandoning him. That's how he chooses to look at it. I didn't abandon him," he sighed, running his hand over the back of his neck.. "Any way, my point when a man loses his family, he does everything in his power to keep his family together the second time around." He paused to let the words sink in. He wanted his son to understand how important this was to him, it was the key point of his message. "This may come as a bit of a shock to you but there were many times when you were growing up when your mother and I came close to separating. In fact, there were many times when I put my best foot forward and it seemed hopeless. It was never enough, it seemed. You know how your mom is?" He waited for Fitz's response. Fitz considered his father's words for a moment and then nodded in tacit agreement. "She nags and nags until you just feel you're gonna explode, you know." He clicked his tongue. "She'll never change, that's just the way she is. "

"Sounds like you've been through a lot both of you..." Fitz slowly started, "but I suppose that the most important thing is that you're still together," he added with some admiration.

His father smiled knowingly. "That's the best part son. You know that refrigerator magnet, the one we've had for years like a fixture, the one that says that the first 50 years of our marriage were the hardest?"

Fitz smiled. "Yeah. I remember. It's been there for as long as I remember."

"Well, it's as simple as that. Once you get through the toughest times and lived a lifetime together, it gets easier," he smiled ruefully, "and then you find yourself enjoying your life together so much that you can't imagine your life without her. We have lived together though great times and catastrophic times. Maybe that's what a true love story is all about, I don't know."

Fitz was positively impressed. He turned to study his father carefully. "Why are you telling me this now, dad? I don't think we've ever talked about this before."

"I overheard you and Olivia talking and the word divorce appeared in the same sentence."

"Dad...I really don't want to talk about that right now."

"Neither do I, son. But I got to talk to you about it, I can't let you make the same mistakes I did with Joseph's mother. I should have toughed it out and not go for a divorce at the first sign of trouble."

Fitz thought it was odd for his father to say that considering that if his father had not divorced Joseph's mother, Fitz would have never been born.

"Our situation is different, dad," Fitz said surprising himself. "Olivia is not happy. She thinks I work too much. I don't understand. I do it for her and Jessica. I don't want us to ever struggle," he said. "I want Jessica to have a sizeable little fortune of her own so that one day when we're both gone she will NEVER have to worry about money."

His father knew exactly where his son was coming from. The two things I regret the most and that led to my divorcing Joseph's mother was being gone all the time and NOT taking the time communicate with my wife and be around more when she needed me there. But I never realized how close I was to losing my family until it was too late. "He paused to let his words sink in. "Son, you need to tell Olivia you're sorry for ignoring her needs. She needs to know that you understand and want to make a change for the better."

"It may be too late, " Fitz looked at his father with despair. It was clear to him that she was going on the Disneyland trip only for their daughter' s sake." I may have lost her already. She wants a divorce."

" Did she already serve you divorce papers?"

"No, she hasn't." He sighed. "You make it sound so easy, dad."

I know it's not easy but you need take the first step. Don't let pride or the need to be right stand in your way. Your family is too precious for that."

Fitz gave his father a doubtful look. Was it possible still for him to try to win Olivia back?

* * *

xxx

The Trip to Disneyland

Jessica's recovery from meningitis was slow but steady; as a precaution, she remained hospitalized for another couple of weeks as sometimes there can be relapses. However, Jessica remained in good spirits. She received many visitors including schoolmates and friends. Both grandparents continue to visit her on a daily basis and Olivia thought, they were spoiling her rotten with so many gifts but she wasn't one to complain. Her daughter was happy and recovering nicely and she thank God for that.

Jessica was very much looking forward to this trip to Disneyland. She kept talking about all the rides and visiting the magic kingdom with a special gleam in her eyes. Olivia didn't have the heart to crush her dreams by refusing to go on what Jessica considered the family trip of a lifetime, and there was no way she would disappoint her by refusing to go along with the plans.

"How does this weekend sound?"

"Fitz, I thought you made the reservations already."

"Yes, I did," he replied patiently. "But they're not set in stone. I can change them to a different weekend if you want."

"Did you book two rooms?"

"Yes, of course. " He said carefully. He wasn't making any assumptions. Well, actually he was...the only assumption he was making was that his wife and daughter would sleep in one room and that he would take the other room.

"Okay, then. See you Friday night. "

Fitz internally sighed in relief even though he was not particularly fond of Disneyland. Once as a child of ten, he'd gone on a school field trip to the 'happiest place on earth,' and what he remembered the most were the long lines and the waiting for each attraction. However, a promise was a promise and he was prepared to follow through on his promise to take his young daughter and wife to Disneyland. And so he booked the trip, including a two night stay at the Disneyland hotel. The idea started growing on him, and soon enough, he found himself feeling thankful for the opportunity to show his wife and daughter how much he cared about them. As the days turned into weeks, things started looking up. Throughout Jessica's illness, his relationship with Olivia improved, their former animosity subsiding. And for the first time, he had a solid reason for feeling hopeful that by the end of the trip, he and Olivia would have reconciled.

Indeed, after spending part of their first day navigating the magic kingdom and having a good time as a family of three, and they'd retired in their hotel rooms for the night, Fitz was surprised to see Olivia enter his room through the connected door to her room and Jessica's.

She was wearing a cute nightie, it wasn't overly sexy but she was looking good enough to eat.

"Fitz, I wanted to thank you for this trip. Jessie was so happy," she trailed off lingering shyly by the threshold, discreetly ogling his naked chest.

She was a vision to behold. "Liv," he mumbled bridging the distance between them. "I should be the one thanking you." He heard her sharp intake of breath as he invaded her personal space. "Thank you, Livvie. Thank you for being you, thank you for being here with me tonight. I've been such a hopeless workaholic all these years and you're still here."

Olivia nearly melted at his words. Before he knew it, she was fumbling with the string of his pajama pants.

She undressed him and herself, his clothes among her own, as if undressing one body, freeing them both from the concealing and revealing that had gone on for years. Then he loved her with his mouth and his hands and every part of his body.

"Oh, Livvie." He breathed. " I've missed you, I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," she sighed, wanting so desperately to feel him inside of her. Every inch of her was going liquid, hot and wanting.

After making love that first night, Olivia and Fitz had heart to heart conversation.

"You know how I kept telling you over the years that our marriage should come first even before our role as parents?"

Olivia nodded. Of course, Fitz usually said that in relation to their disagreement about having a second child. "Yes, you said that a happy home was the best gift we could give our daughter. And that we needed to have a good relationship for our sake AND for Jessica's sake."

"Well, I realized I had it all wrong. Yes, I still believe that our marriage should come first, that's the way it should be, always. But then I realized that I was only applying this to the times when we disagreed about parenting but not to our arguments about me working all the time..." he paused to gather his thoughts.

Olivia nodded again, amazed at how he seemed to be echoing her thoughts. She continued to listen, hanging on to his every word.

"But really our marriage should come first in EVERY circumstance. I realized I needed to choose my marriage...I need to choose my marriage over my job." He said taking care to stress this last sentence. "I never really saw it that way. I thought I was putting my marriage over my job. It didn't become clear to me until Jessica was hospitalized and I talked to my dad." He bit his chin and rubbed his chin searching his mind for the right words. "I don't think I told you this but I my dad has a son from his previous marriage.. He never saw them, he admitted to being a workaholic. When my brother was 10 years old, they divorced and his mother took him away, moved to Canada. The second time around, he went in the opposite direction, changed careers and lost his job a few times. We couldn't afford much, but he was always there spending time with me when he wasn't out drinking that is." He paused, the intensity of his gaze half-hinting what was coming next.

"So that's why you decided to be different from your dad?" She said more a statement than a question.

He nodded. "I promised myself ...all I wanted was the best for you and Jessica. I didn't want you to ever worry or go through the stress I went through when I was growing up." He concluded, wishing she understood how strongly he felt about this.

Olivia sighed. The more she thought about what he'd just said, the more she felt the anger toward Fitz ebbing away as if she'd never felt it in the first place. There was this wild, raw sense of hope growing within her. Maybe all was going to be okay AND they could work things out.

"I wish I'd known. You never told me." Olivia mumbled. "I never even knew you had a brother until a couple of years ago during the interview with that social worker who came to see us about adopting." She shook her head. "And I never really knew how bad things were for your family financially."

"I'm sorry, Liv. I should have told you sooner. "My parents never talked about Joseph or money, it was as if they were both taboo."

""I wish I'd known." She reiterated. "I would have tried to understand."

Fitz grimaced. In retrospect, it looked as though he'd had no clue how close he came for his marriage hit that iceberg-ship Titanic, sunk.

"Livvie. Can we move past this? I want to pledge my love for you. I want you to know that from this point forward, I'm putting our marriage first above everything else. Always. Always first."

Olivia relaxed in his arms, her body language telling him she was ready to move forward. Still, there was one thing playing in the back of her mind. She was still wanting that second child and on this issue they seemed to be on an impasse.

"Okay, I think we can do this, but we can't do it alone," she replied with conviction, "I think we need some marriage counseling...it doesn't have to be forever and we don't agree on a counselor we can choose another one we both like, but it needs to happen."

* * *

xxx **  
**

 **"** Welcome, Fitzgerald and Olivia."

"Please call me Fitz."

Okay, certainly. Just finished reading the intake questionaire. I understand you're both here today for marital counseling. And that you Olivia at one point considered divorce but no papers were ever filed and that you're both here today to work on your marriage." Dr. Smith- friendly, in his late forties- gazed at both his clients before his gaze finally settled on Fitz. "When Olivia first mentioned getting a divorce, what was your reaction?"

"I was in shock. Our relationship has had many ups and downs, but I believed that our marriage was rock solid. I didn't want a divorce, never have."

Dr. Smith continued his focus on Fitz. "What do you think was the primary reason she wanted a divorce?"

Fitz pursed his lips and sighed. He hated the question. He didn't want to discuss the past, rather he wanted to move forward.

"I suppose my wife's greatest complaint was that I was a workaholic. And she was right. I see it now. I feel like a complete idiot, I feel that I jeopardized my family life by putting my work first."

Now that was a first. Olivia had never heard him say it like that before. Dr. Smith picked up on this and addressed it.

"Olivia, how do you feel hearing Fitz say that?"

Olivia took a moment to gather her thoughts. "I think we're doing better now than a couple of months ago. We've reconciled and I know he's making and effort. But I wanted to come here to see how we can improve our communication. There's so much I need to say and I was hoping you would help us sort our feelings…and frankly, I don't know if he truly understands what I've been through all these years. I know I nagged him so many times about cutting his work hours, he probably stopped listening at some point. I just want to make sure we're understanding each other. I think sometimes he hears something different from what I'm trying to tell him. For example, I remember him arguing with me, telling me asking if I wanted him to just quit working and stay home all the time. And it was not that at all. All I wanted was for him to reduce his work hours…to suggest that I wanted him to stop working altogether was preposterous to even suggest." She shook her head with a trace of resentment.

"Sometimes in the heat of an argument, spouses say things they don't mean to say," the counselor suggested.

 **"** And I'm sorry for that." Fitz said looking at his wife straight in the eye. Seeing that she was not jumping for joy, he continued in a defensive tone, "What else do you want me to do? I thought I apologized to you and told you I was ready to put our marriage first. But I don't see the need for counseling."

"You agreed."

"Yes, I did. I agreed because you wanted it. But frankly, I don't see the need to be going over the same shit."

"Because, Fitz, Olivia is ready to discuss her feelings with you," Dr. Smith gave Olivia the floor with a nod of the head.

"Yes. Fitz, I feel I never had the chance to tell you how I felt for so long and have you understand. All the times we discussed this subject, I felt as though you were on the defensive and weren't really listening to me."

"I'm all ears now, baby." Fitz said and Olivia sighed as she could tell he was still on the defensive.

"I felt like a single mother in so many ways. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate you working hard for our family, allowing me to stay home with Jessica when she was little and then after we lost Evan. But, I hardly ever got to see you and even when you were home, I felt lonely. It was as if your mind was still at work. Every time Jessica and I socialized with other families, I felt like the odd one out, the one who didn't have a husband. And I know you tried, there were times you would tell me you would meet as at the park or at Quinn's or at soccer practice. But often you didn't make it."

A look of guilt washed over Fitz's face. "I know I let you down." He paused pursing his lips bitterly. "Just like the day when Jessica was born. I'm not sure you ever really forgave me for that."

Aha. The counselor's eyes sparkled. Now they were getting somewhere. This was his opening to dig deeper. "Okay, why don't we go back to that day...to the day when Jessica was born?"

"I did forgive you," Olivia said quietly. "I was so scared that day and when you left me alone while you went to check on your pool. The contractions pains intensified while you were gone, I'm thinking because of my anxiety. I never felt so alone in my life, Fitz."

"And I'm sorry for that, Liv. What else can I possibly say? It was selfish of me to leave you at such a critical time. I was a bastard." What else? Well, for the looks of it though, this is turning out to be a 'let's gang up on Fitz counseling session."

"That is not what this session is about. It's about finding healing by getting your feelings out in the open." Dr. Smith clarified, his gaze shifted between the couple. "And I mean both of you. Both of you need to get your feelings out in the open."

"Okay then," Fitz started locking eyes with Olivia. "Tell me something though. did you really forgive me, Liv, for leaving when you were in labor? Did you really forgive me one hundred percent?

Olivia switched in her seat, utterly uncomfortable under his intense gaze. "Of course I did. Of course I forgave you."

"Say it then, say I forgive you, Fitz."

Olivia let out a huff of disbelief. She then took a moment to compose herself. "I forgive you, Fitz."

In response, Fitz gave Olivia a quick nod and then looked at the counselor. "How are we doing, Dr? Are we expressing our feelings like we're supposed to?"

Dr. Smith nodded, refusing to be put off by Fitz's condescending tone. "Yes, I believe you are both doing well."

Suddenly Fitz felt validated and Suddenly, Fitz felt like blurting out something that had always been in the back of his mind. He directed his attention back to his wife. "I never felt approval from you, I always felt you were unhappy with me, that I was not the man you wanted me to be."

Olivia suppressed a gasp. She had no idea Fitz felt this way. She loved Fitz and she never meant to imply she was unhappy with him as a person. "Fitz, I never stopped loving you." She shook her head and pursed her lips. "And I was not completely unhappy. If I was, if I hadn't truly forgiven you, I wouldn't have wanted to have another child with you..." she concluded feeling she had a solid argument here. "But I wanted another baby more than anything…and I'm sorry if I was insensitive to your feelings and went to great lengths to make it happen."

"If you were insensitive?" His eyes pinned with an intense stare.

"Okay," she nodded slowly, "I'm sorry I was insensitive to your feelings."

Dr. Smith lifted a brow and turned to Fitz. "What does it feel hearing your wife say that?"

"Honestly, I've always felt as if the implication here was that I was the bad guy here. Part of me is glad to hear her say she's sorry. My position has always been that our marriage should come first...just like she's always insisted that our family should come before work. After we lost Evan, I didn't want to replace him with another child. I was happy just the three of us."

"Can we past this? I don't want this to be a stumbling block. My feelings have not changed; I still want a second child."

"How about for now, we simply agree to disagree?" Fitz proposed looking at Olivia.

The counselor readily agreed. Seeing that Olivia was wholly unconvinced, he added, "Olivia. Fitz does not feel ready to have another child. If you love Fit and want your marriage to work, you might want to consider learning to live with that."

Olivia turned to Fitz and gave him a pointed look. "Is there any chance you'll ever change your mind?"

"I don't know. All I can say is that at this point in time, I don't know," Fitz answered sincerely. "For now, I would just like us to focus on us...and on Jessica. Why can't that be enough?"

"Well, we' re almost out of time today.

* * *

xxx

One year later. Setting: Disneyland

Olivia and Fitz continued to work on their relationship. Even though everything wasn't perfect, Olivia did notice the changes in Fitz. He was now more invested in their marriage and even though he still worked long hours, he scheduled time for them to go out on dates just the two of them nearly every weekend. This had a great impact on their marriage. For one, Olivia started feeling cherished and reciprocated his attentions in kind with similar intensity.

Exactly one year later, they took another trip to Disneyland. This time, Quinn and her husband John and their children came along. Quinn had recently given birth to a baby girl, and Olivia and she took turns taking care of the infant as they strolled the park and took the older children on rides.

"You look happy." Quinn observed while they waited in line for the tea cup ride. "You're face glows."

Olivia smiled. "Yeah. I'm happy," her gaze shifted to Fitz who was engaged in a conversation with John. For a moment he made eye contact with her and they shared a moment."Life is funny, you know? I finally realized I'm a lucky woman to have Fitz in my life. The less I demanded he meet my needs, the more he wanted to meet them on his own accord. There's been this shift in how we interact with each other. You know it was hard at first since Fitz didn't want to invest so much time in the counseling but then he started listening to Dr. Smith and incorporating some of his suggestions, and that's when things started changing for the better."

"The best part is the going out on dates," Quinn added. "Even John is starting to get with the program, girl. He's getting more creative and adventurous in planning our dates," she went on, her eyes sparkling with anticipation. "As a matter of fact, he's planning something big for our next date, it's supposed to be a surprise, I can't wait..."

"Really?" Olivia interjected. "I bet the guys are on this together! I know Fitz is planning something and going out of his way to keep it under wraps."

Quinn chuckled. "Ha, I'm really curious now. What do you think it is?"

Olivia thought about it for a moment. "It's probably a double date...maybe on a dinner cruise?"

The two women shared a chuckle.

"What are you two conspiring?" Fitz said good-naturedly, putting his arms around his wife.

"Conspiring?" Olivia and Quinn said in unison giving their husbands a knowing look. "How about you guys, what have you been up to?"

The husbands exchanged a look and then smiled innocently at their wives.

"Hey, how about Fitz and I take our turn in line with the kids while you two sit down and rest," John suggested.

"That sounds heavingly," Quinn sighed as she gladly handed her baby over to her husband.

Fitz wrapped his arms tighter around Olivia's waist. She stretched on her tip toes and put her arms around his neck.

He nuzzled his nose against hers. "I love you, beautiful," he murmured softly.

"I love you too." It was such a warm feeling to say it that she said it again. "I love you, Fitz." She punctuated the vow with a tender kiss.


	11. Epilogue

A/N: Okay, I'm back!

When I wrote the last chapter, I did have in mind writing this epilogue but I was undecided. I didn't want the message to be that Fitz and Olivia 'needed' that second child to be happy. The message was supposed to be that they learned to find happiness with one another. Still, just in case, I did throw in a little nugget there at the end in Quinn's comment to Olivia ;)

Anyway, this is a bit impromptu and I may need to come back and polish it some.

 **THIS CHAPTER WAS EDITED ON APRIL 29, 2017**

Quinn: "You look so happy, your face glows."

-chapter 10—

Quinn: "You look so happy, your face glows."

-chapter 10—

Epilogue

After leaving the guys to stand in line with the kids, Olivia and Quinn headed for the gift shop to browse around and perhaps purchase a souvenir or two.

"Hey, what do you think?" Quinn said holding a cute traditional Mickey Mouse tuxedo style bodysuit size 12M.

Olivia loved Justin, Quinn's baby to bits, and she could clearly picture him wearing the cute outfit. She ran her hands through the satin jacket and checked out the little yellow bowtie. "He'd be absolutely adorable." She readily agreed.

All of a sudden, she felt dizzy and sick. She was so dizzy that she held onto a shelf for support, knocking over some of the merchandize.

Quinn moved right beside her. "My goodness, Liv, are you okay?"

"I think I'm gonna be sick."

"May we use your restroom? My friend is sick," Quinn called out to the cashier. The latter mumbled something and pointed in the direction of the restroom.

Olivia practically ran to the restroom to throw up. Quinn stood by her and held her hair back away from her face.

"Liv, is this the first time this happened?"

Olivia made eye contact with Quinn through the bathroom mirror while rinsing her mouth and splashing water on her face. "I've been dizzy…but this is the first time I throw up." She then fanned her face with a paper towel and gave her friend a small smile.

Quinn quickly put two and two together. Of course, it had to be! She mentally slapped herself. No wonder she'd noticed Olivia's face glowing with a certain air of expectancy that reminded her of a schoolgirl on the eve of a great vacation.

"Liv…OMG! You're having morning sickness? Is that it, is that it?"

Olivia couldn't help but smile the brightest of smiles. Last night, she'd taken a pregnancy test and it had turned positive. Even though they were overjoyed, Fitz and she had agreed to keep the news to themselves until it was officially confirmed by Olivia's OB-GYN.

Quinn let out a squeal and the two friends hugged with happy tears in their eyes.

And then, Quinn started bombarding her with questions. "Since when? You were keeping this a secret?" Quinn Looked a bit hurt. "Does Fitz know? And Jessie, did you tell Jessie yet? Who else knows?"

FLASHBACK

Olivia couldn't believe it. They'd been going to counseling faithfully twice a week for nearly six months, and it had never come up in conversation. But of course, it all made sense now. As a matter of fact, her mind flashed back ten years to recall a couple of instances when Fitz had specifically had expressed the following words back to her:

 _"I feel as if I've lost my wife. You're constantly consumed by the baby day and night…."_

Olivia's mind remained momentarily chained and weighed down by the past. She struggled to stay focused on today's counseling session and on what Fitz was saying, but how could she when she knew she'd ignored Fitz all those times he tried to tell her, wondering if she could fairly chalk it up to immaturity and those darn post-partum hormones.

"I guess I always felt like a selfish bastard."

"Let's recap here," Dr. Smith began. "So you're saying that the primary reason you didn't want a second child was because you were afraid you'd be relegated to second place once the baby was born, is that right?"

"Yes." Fitz's gaze shifted between his wife and the counselor. "Go ahead and tell me right now what a horrible person I am."

Olivia stared back at Fitz dumbfounded. No, she decided. She couldn't in all honesty make excuses for the way she'd treated Fitz. Every word of what he'd said was true; she had indeed overly focused on Jessica as a baby at the expense of her own needs and Fitz's. "No…No, Fitz, don't say that."

"Fitz," the counselor interjected. "What you're describing here is normal. It's very human. Many husbands, actually many couples struggle with this same issue."

Fitz half shrugged. "I never heard anyone talk about this before."

"Just because you were concerned about becoming displaced in your wife's affections does not make you a horrible human being. Fitz, you are person with flaws and talents, strengths and inadequacies just like the rest of us. What's more, you've grown a lot during these sessions, and have been willing to put your best foot forward. That's quite commendable. And I tell you, it takes a lot of courage to open up and your feelings, especially those that we consider shameful and unacceptable like you've done here today."

Fitz nodded feeling somewhat validated and encouraged. He turned to Olivia who was in tears. Dr. Smith immediately handed her a tissue.

"Fitz…I'm sorry. I should have listened to you when you tried to tell me… back when Jessie was a baby, I did become consumed by her. I wanted to do everything right, I wanted to be the perfect mother. I was terrified of making mistakes. Do you know what I mean? I wish I could go back in time. I would listen to you. I don't know why…I just-

"Livvie, baby, don't cry," Fitz rose and knelt beside her and cupped her face. "You have any idea how much I you?" He tenderly wiped her tears away with his thumbs.

"I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you; I'm not the same person I was back then, you know that, don't you?

He took her in his arms and rocked her and she relaxed in his embrace. "I know, baby, I know."

 **A/N:** **  
**Stay tuned for epilogue # two


	12. Chapter 12

**Epilogue 2**

 **Summary**

 **Chapter 10 ends with the trip to Disney Land. In epilogue #1, the Disney Land trip continues and we learn that Olivia was pregnant. At the end of epilogue #1, there is the counseling session six months prior to the trip and that's where we left off. Epilogue # 2 starts nearly two years after the Disney land trip. Hope it's not too confusing. If it is and it's been a while since you read this, just go back and read from chapter 10 on forward.**

 **In any event, I did edit the last epilogue a few days after posting and added some details so go back one chapter if you did not read edited version.**

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

Life in the Grant household was good. Eight months ago, the family of three had become a happy family of four with the birth of a healthy baby boy. The baby's birth had been a much anticipated event, as the new baby represented a new beginning for Fitz and Olivia.

For Olivia, dealing with a newborn had been remarkably easier the second time around with extra pairs of hands available. Fitz was home more often during the first few months and Jessica took her role of big sister/mother's helper quite seriously and was always eager to assist in feeding her little brother or even in changing his diaper. Even the grandparents pitched in now that the rift had healed between Olivia and her mother-in-law.

Today was Sunday, and like nearly every Sunday, Fitz headed for the park with Jessica and eight month old son Xavier for part of the afternoon. Olivia usually came along too but today she'd decided to stay home resting; she'd been up most of the night with Xavier. He still was not sleeping through the night and to top it off, he was also teething.

As soon as they got to the park, Jessica raised for the swings. Fitz sat down on a bench and pulled the stroller around facing him. He looked into his son's eyes—a reflection of his mother's and smiled.

"How old is he?" Asked an older woman who sitting beside him with her grandchildren.

"He's eight months."

"Oh, my goodness. I love those loose curls! Oh, look at those lashes! So long and pretty! He's gonna be a heart-breaker one day."

Fitz laughed and he and the woman made small talk until it was time for her to go.

When Fitz turned to look at Xavier again, he was sound asleep.

"Hey, sleepy head. We're at the park. Wanna go on the slide?" Fitz grinned. It never failed. Every time they took Xavier out for a stroll or a ride in the car and his eyes would get droopy and fall asleep. If he only slept so well in his own crib at home. "Okay, little guy, sweet dreams," he mumbled as he carefully lowered the stroller to a horizontal position while holding on to the baby's head.

A peaceful calm settled around him as he watched his daughter swinging. Jessica was growing up fast and he was thankful that she was still a very sweet child who did not seem in a great hurry to become a teenager. She' d been a good sport when it came to her little brother even though her life had been turned upside down.

Life with a young baby who had trouble sleeping through the night had been a little chaotic but he wouldn't trade it for the world, Fitz thought.

Parenting had many rewards and he was thankful for his family. Xavier's birth had strengthened his marriage to Olivia. This time around, he was fully committed to being there for his family. This time around, he thought of time as a precious commodity. And he wasn't taking anything for granted. Oh, yes, time does indeed fly and most importantly, they don't stay little forever.

Sometimes, he got a bit nostalgic thinking about the passage of time. It seemed like only yesterday that they'd brought Jessica home from the hospital.

This time around, however, he was going to enjoy every minute of life with Xavier, he decided. The first time around he'd been too nervous and inexperienced but now life with a baby was so much better. He'd found himself being more relaxed around Olivia and the baby. As a result, they both took turns with daily parenting duties and they both enjoyed taking pictures of the children together and separately. He'd even started appreciating Olivia's passion for the field of photography. He'd asked questions. He'd taken a few pictures himself. And he'd come to appreciate her quest to obtain the 'perfect shot. **'**

Minutes later, Jessica returned to the bench with her new friend. Fitz said hello to the girl and she gave him a shy smile in return.

Jessica came to stand by the stroller and turned it so her friend could see the baby. "This is my baby brother Xavier. I babysit him all the time. I even know how to change his diapers."

"He's cute," the other girl mumbled.

"He's sleeping right now. But if he could talk he would tell you how lucky he is to have a twelve year old sister like Jessica. " Fitz said smiling at his daughter, not wanting to miss the opportunity to build up his daughter's self-esteem. Indeed, Xavier clearly adored his big sister especially when she played games and sang and laughed with him.

"Daddy, is so hot today…can we go for ice-cream afterwards?"

"Sure. We'll go and pick up your mom first."

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

Olivia was happy in her marriage. Right after that fateful day at the counselor's, she and Fitz had a heart to heart talk. They discussed their feelings at length.

She'd told him she understood his fear of being displaced by the baby and assured him that things would be different this time. This time she would consider his needs, this time she would encourage him to become more involved in the baby's day to day care. And she promised him they would continue going out on dates on a regular basis for the sake of their marriage **.**

Fitz had agreed to make their weekly dates a priority. He told her that when they first had Jessica, he thought they had all the time in the world. But as the weeks and then the years went by he'd become less cognizant of time. He regretted becoming so involved in his work to notice life passing him by. It wasn't until Olivia asked him for a divorce and then he'd wondered where all the time went-he'd been shocked to realize that his baby girl was no longer a baby but a child of nine.

Things were different now. Olivia felt their marriage was solid marriage and that when it came to parenting , they were a team.

* * *

 **At Dairy Queen**

They arrived at the ice cream parlor late in the afternoon and sat at a table of four. Jessica hurried to get a high chair for Xavier.

They talked for a while before ordering. Jessica talked up a storm while Olivia and Fitz listened, asked questions and exchanged smiles.

A few minutes later, Fitz asked Olivia what she wanted.

"Just the usual for me." She replied while retrieving a toy rattle for Xavier.

Fitz and Jessica went to place their order at the counter. Jessica ordered a chocolate Sundae with extra fudge. Fitz got a vanilla and cookies and cream and a rainbow sorbet for Olivia. Both Olivia and Fitz were planning to share some of their ice cream with the baby.

Minutes later they were back with their tray. Xavier waved his arms excitedly.

"Look who's happy to see us," Fitz said in a playful tone, pulling his chair closer to his Olivia's "Well, don't get any ideas, young man. Good looks and a baby smile are not gonna get you more than your share of ice cream."

Olivia and Jessica laughed. Xavier waved his arms again and made little smacking sounds with his mouth.

"Hungry for something sweet, aren't you? Olivia Cooed, tying a bib around Xavier's neck.

"He's got a sweet tooth!" Jessica giggled. "Well, that's what grandma always says about me."

Jessica and Fitz ate several bites in a row of their ice cream while Olivia took her time savoring the first bite. She closed her eyes in absolute bliss and stole a glance at Fitz, and found him watching her. His gaze lingered on her lips, down her graceful neck and then down to her cleavage. Without words he was telling her he still found her quite attractive.

Olivia smirked back at her husband and for a moment forgot the children were there. But of course, Xavier had to steal the show.

"Eem!" Xavier shrieked his little hand stretched out pointing at the ice cream in his mother's bowl.

Olivia got a spoonful of her sorbet and brought it to his mouth. Xavier's eyes widened surprised at the coldness and sweetness of the treat. Then, he smiled the cutest toothless smile ever as his tongue got to fully savor the ice cream. "Eem!" He exclaimed again.

"I think he wants more mommy," Jessica giggled looking at Xavier affectionately.

"Oh, my goodness!" Olivia turner to the baby. "Did you just say ice cream?" Her glance shifted to Fitz. "Can you believe it? He said his first word!"

Fitz smiled, his gaze shifting between his wife and his children, happy that he'd been here to witness Xavier reaching an important milestone. He reached out for her his wife's hand and she clasped his, smiling. They were both fully in the moment. All his life he'd thought happiness was a temporary elusive feeling. But now he knew that true happiness was made of moments such as these.


End file.
